A Perfect Morning

Wake with the sun,
the song of the birds
Tangled and sweaty
Legs entwined, head on heart
Hand in curls wild from night

Speak of dreams, fears, hopes
Love comes easily,
tenderly, softly without apology
Snuggle closer, alarm be ******
Add sticky to sweaty,
a stew of sustenance
Fuel for the day
Your face above mine
Your breath in my ear
Your love fills me
I carry you with me
As morning turns to day

Oh girl, you are loved, relax
Oh girl, you are enough, relax
Oh girl, you are loving relax
Oh girl, your heart is intact, it pulses every second of every day, relax
Oh girl, though your brain swirls every which way it knows how to find center when you listen, relax
Oh girl, your body knows comfort and sometimes even can find it, relax
Oh girl, money comes and money goes, but you are capable, relax
Oh girl, you have known fear and still you persist, relax
Oh girl, adventures await, relax

My Mother and Other Ghosts

My mother’s ghost is
kind and benevolent
she shows herself
mostly in the kitchen,
in my children’s strength,
and in my father’s heart.
She does not show herself often
and sometimes
I even have to
wish for her,
but when she comes
I know it.

She does not haunt me
like the others do.
My ex husband,
alive still,
haunts me the most.
His ghost appears
out of no where,
takes a simple
sentence or every day
situation and
turns it into an
earthquake
in my head.
He comes when I
least expect him
reeking havoc,
taunting in the
ways he does best.

The creaky door,
spine tingling ghosts
appear less frequently.
Mostly in the night,
always out of sight
conjuring images of
souls trapped.
Sad and lonely
just coming to say hello.
I welcome these.
They are easy to
make happy.
Passing in the darkness.
Hello I whisper.
Hello.

Winter’s last full moon
and we are in bed too early.
Sticky from the unseasonable warmth and my body,
surging from hormones.

Sleep comes in fits
as the  clock on the church counts down the hours.
And you, beside me
sleep the
scattered sleep
of dreams.

A door somewhere
slowly creaks open
and closed.
The dog growls
and I lie still,
listening.
Beside me, you
wake from your dream,
speak of hauntings.

We talk of dreams
and ghosts
and I think
how sweet it would be
To be haunted
by something
as benign as a ghost
Opening doors
in the night.

I did not rock the boat
the first night in our new house
when you went out til 3am
with your ex girlfriend
I promise

I did not rock the boat
that day that I kissed you
and you smelled of another woman
To love and abide

I did not rock the boat
when you spent $900
on a gun you insisted was for my protection
In sickness and in health

I did not rock the boat
when you told me I was
too fat
couldn’t cook
didn’t dress right
didn’t do my hair right
From this day forward

But ****** I turned the boat
upside down and swam for my life
when the pain of staying became
bigger than the pain of leaving
til death do us part

Today is the kind of day
that begins at 4am
with a pit of anxiety
deep in your belly

The kind of day where
your son spills an entire
bowl of cereal with milk

Where your sister tells
you the trip you’ve been
planning for months
can not happen

Where your client
complains about your work
and then tries to make it
better with a hug and a
condescending pat on the back

Where you eat three day old
cold pizza for lunch
sitting in your car

The kind where others
point out how
beautiful the sky is
and you are so caught up
in your own grump that you
do not care one bit about the
wonders of the world we live in

The kind where the
anger in you bubbles so
thick you can feel it
in your blood
clogging your chest
lodging there like a fist
punching from the inside out

You know it will pass
But even that ****** you off
because who wants
another day
gone

I want to know what you see when you look at me.
What makes your heart
skip a beat.
What wakes you up in the darkest hours of the night.

I want to know
where you go
when you crawl into a cave
like a bear,
what will coax you out,
or do you just need to stay awhile?

I want to know
how to love you so that you
never for a minute wonder or doubt that you are cherished.

I want to wake
each day
in the gray of morning
mingled in your limbs
your face inches from mine,
stealing time before the clock starts ticking the day away.

I want you to know
you are every single thing
I have ever wanted and more.

I want you to know
that my heart beats for you,
my blood flows differently now, thicker, richer, warmer.

I want us to know
how to harness our strengths to
make each other stronger.
How to hold each other up when we feel like falling, how to fall when we need to and know
everything will be ok.

I want me, I want you, I want us.