Carel Viviers: Poems

291 · Sep 2017

Carel Viviers Sep 2017

So I'm just sitting here... once again... wondering where you have been. For in this beautiful deep blue sea of your eyes I remain lost. Lost to what I wanted us to be ... lost from what I use to see.
52 years of shame and regret. Sitting here in the storm even though my eyes were already wet... i just sit here. Lost in the space of what I thought you wanted and what I need... allowing myself to believe you were mine, oh my endless greed. But still I sit here, shouting your unknown name.... Hoping that when I finally find you that you'd feel the same... I sit here, unbeknown of what I truly feel... that maybe I'm truly clueless for what is real. I sit here ... wondering if maybe that which my heart desired most, was my biggest fear ...

281 · Oct 2017

Will get better

Carel Viviers Oct 2017

Will get better

"I know  its not easy... and I  know  having  to constantly put up  this fisade or act  to me and to the  world is  slowely consuming  you...
But know I  see you... I see the  real you. Under the muck and miry clay  of this  pit... I see you.
I know its growing  to much for you. I know its not  easy and its not going to get  much easier anytime soon. But  I'm  here. I'm  not going anywhere. If  you prayed  for a point of  stability  to hold  you together. Well its arrived. Didn't  come with a pretty  bow and it sure has some  dents and bruises. But its yours. We will work at it... everyday...
Will get better..."
A.C.V

276 · Dec 2017

The Rain

Carel Viviers Dec 2017

The Rain

If your quiet... real quiet...
You can hear the rain speak. Each patter... each drop dancing ever so elegantly by my feet. "Join us" they whisper. Ever so wet your feet will get. But the so(u)les will be washed clean. Each painful memory. Every pinky toe bump. Every broken dream. Every moment will then be forgotten.
Wil be you . Me. And the rain...

153 · Nov 2017

So I Lay Here...

Carel Viviers Nov 2017

So I Lay Here...

So I lay here … broken dreams staring me in the face. A hopeless place. Her stories  haunt me. They plague me by day but especially by night. I love her. Every broken piece… every detailed  horror story… I  love her.
I want her to be mine… to have and to hold through  sickness and in health . Only by  death to ever part… She must  only say yes…
If only  I  could dull the pain… or calm her fears. Put to rest every doubt she has in her heart. Doubts of what she is  with  me… doubts she has about  him. Am I  simply  a side quest  or the main story. Do I  put 2 more coins in and continue  or  accept the  game  is over and come another day to play again. When  not only  I'm better… but the  game  it self realizing  only  that which  the game itself can realize. That I'm player  one… the only  and ill never give up.
There is joy in this lonely morning  … as I  stare at the roof and wonder  what I  could of done better…. Could of done more… and come to accept  that I am me… that should  be enough for anyone . Why isnt it enough  for her ??

I sit here asking these questions… for mountain sides and beachy romances lead me to believe that this  poem… this  finite meaning of imagination is real . And If I  could simply  but add a word and  the poem will move on … for sadly that  is what poems do

— The End —