words words words... from morning to night, that is all they do, there words can make fright! they can change you in a way no action would... in a way nothing could.

words are not bad or good...  they can be nice or crude... they can take any side... you can twist them around, until they fit your agenda! words can become any propaganda...  and than there is the words guy... in his word laboratory... the words guy wont get much praise or glory... his words are not many, and less enticing than most... compared to those other guys he does not come close!

words guy listens to words... he puts them on his words tester, he checks through each one and does not try to go faster... he carefully looks for lies and forgings, that is what he does from night to morning.

because words guy fears words... in this fight of ideas they are like swords, they can be used by any side, wrong or right... and the lies that they bring can be far out of sight! but even tho words guy tests all words alike... his own brutal true words nobody likes.

i lay on my bed thinking of tomorrow... and yesterday... oh and how much better i could have done today... mistakes, mistakes, mistakes: i counted 16, 22, 38, 51... i could have just done better with a shot from a gun... mistakes: just one... "i am done" i think... so frustrated at myself i can't even blink... "this stinks... i stink"... why? just why?! why do i need to lie, waste time, be shy, be emotional, one day die, feel this, not be perfect, cry... why! i want to be perfect... perfections spot on reflection... is that too much to ask in life... i need some direction! people say: take action! do not wait! do! just do and shut up! i am doing! and up until now i have done crap... so you shut up! please tell me... which way is up?! this world has a shape... shape of a maze with no escape... with no exit... please... just give me one success... so tomorrow perhaps i could get some rest.



please... my tears are running dry.

as i drown in confusion... in the feeling of an oh so still illusion ending its delusion... i feel myself going further and further, everything becomes distent... and all the people, now they all seem so little, except one getting closer... who is he? who is he?! is he unknown to me, or is it me, or both... who am i? am i hard or soft? am i big or small? whats my porpuse, reason, goal... who am i at all?
and all the masks... all this masquerade... they all fade... and finally i can see my face... no masks, costumes, stakes... no more angst... i look he... i look me... i look i in the eyes... and finally i realize, i dont exist, always wearing masks... a simple mask i became... i do not have feelings, emotions, goals, aim... because i let life become no more than a game... a simple custom game i myself became... and me... the mask claimed.

simple old love is like a nice massage, its calming, relaxing, not complicated or perplexing... it shuts out back pain, it helps forget the mental rain, and just like the rains... it hits hard... than slowly fades... are you willing to pay? for a small while it will all go away.... as a simple illusion leads you astray, suddenly everything is ok.
but be warned! with this illusion comes its own pollution! an addiction... a conviction... as if being pushed back by your own minds fiction! you will keep chasing that feeling... its so lovely and thrilling... but its only gonna get harder to achieve it... to believe it... and as it fades away you find you cannot relive it!
because a massage is no more than a simple feeling... altho its out of your control... it can be nice and relieving... however it is not meaningfull or fulfilling... so enjoy a massage, sure, it can be nice... just do not make that massage your meaning in life.

time... it flows freely like a beautiful butterfly... it can drop you low or bring you high...
constantly flying in one direction, faster and faster... leaving no time for reflection, to appreciate what you have gotten, to say goodbye to things long forgotten.
no, time will never slow a single bit... if you do not want to lose it than sprint! sprint! sprint!
even if your lungs are dying and heart is breaking... even if you feel your legs shaking... run!
because if you stop going... behind you, you will see time rolling... like a never stopping wheel... it will run over you... it will ****!
but eventually everybody has to stop... no happy ending... just the end of your plot.
because it will take everything you have and more... to not become a thing of the before... to not become nothing more than a memory... and soon after even less than that... because the memory... time will also forget.

you have a destiny, we all do.

because destiny is simply the predecided, it is the path in which from birth you are guided... it is the false freedom of being an individual, and all those critical moments... your decisions, they were all set in stone in exact precision... by events out of your control... and all you are doing is playing your role.

destiny does not take sides or provide options... it is the truth of the future to you unseen... it is the script on which exist all the scenes...

because that is the cruel nature of reality... even your individuality... it is no more than a movie... a tape... it is what makes you... your beliefs, feelings, shape.

and you? you are a prewritten character...  you are a puppet... so play your role and shut it!

numbers... the numbers above the test... on the id... on the car... in the programs binary... a check... in our dna... in the nature of our world... i have to say it is starting to get old!

numbers... that is now all i can see... in people in objects and even in me.

a number does not have a soul, a meaning or a grand purpose or destination...
whenever i think about that i get a strike of irritation...

because if we are just numbers there is only one conclusion i can make... what we call emotions desires and the highest of stakes... it can all be brought down to meaningless digits... to a simple piece of code... and so i am also just a meaningless digit mold.