Abbigail: Poems

Jan 2023 · 105

flowers in my hair

Abbigail Jan 2023

flowers in my hair

when I think of you
I want to lay down and let flowers grow over me.
like the love you had for me, it never existed.

May 2020 · 98

i need peace

Abbigail May 2020

i need peace

I don’t know which is worse,
continuing to day dream and think about you..
or stay with you and hear your lies…
both are torture.

Mar 2020 · 126

not my favorite book

Abbigail Mar 2020

not my favorite book

I pick you up like a book
Open, close, repeat.
The same words, same actions
No new stories,
Exactly the same since the day you published yourself.
Why do I continue to read you?

Jan 2020 · 91

day dreaming

Abbigail Jan 2020

day dreaming

When I dream of you, sadness surrounds me like a thick fog.
The sadness allows me to run, through the fog and into your eyesight.
Over the hills, through the woods, I chase you passing rivers and rocks.
You are only an arms length away.
The way you run convinces me I will catch you,
but then I realize you control the chase, with the pace I run and the thoughts I think.
So no matter how hard I try I cannot win this game of tag
With every twist and turn you take me on, I fall behind farther.
I stop in the path that never ends, out of breathe and exhausted I begin to fold and bend.
You look back and stop in your tracks, to wait for the chase that I cannot, will not win.
The fog rolls away as I am awake remembering where we left off again.

Dec 2019 · 250

the first draft

Abbigail Dec 2019

the first draft

one day i am going to write something so deep about you
my heart will explode from rereading it.

Nov 2019 · 111

affected

Abbigail Nov 2019

affected

Sometimes I sit and wonder about you
What you do, what music you listen too
What time you go to bed
What runs through your head
sometimes I try to believe we’re still connected
But distance is the awakening and I’m the only one affected
the day you decided to leave
Was the day you got rid of me
my dreams allow me to escape reality
In my dreams I am a new me
No more you and I can see
The beauty I forgot about being free
Letting go of everything heavy
Letting go of everything I loved
I feel shoved out of my own heart for a minute
i look and my love for anyone else is acute
Why is it so easy to dream about being free
It feels good, it feels right for me
But I cannot go forward to save my life
I don’t know why this is such a fight
To let you go
Is to see me grow
In a lot of ways, I feel like I'm moving on....maybe I'm just afraid of emotional attachment in my current state
How it makes me finally feel awake
who we were and who we are now create a storm
The warmth I feel, the calm before the perfect storm

Oct 2019 · 204

dust off

Abbigail Oct 2019

dust off

one day
the pain will fade
the flashbacks of memories will erase
the brighter days will take it away
the light will remove you from the shade
all the hurt will be a dream
it will flow away like a stream
look in the mirror and see yourself
like picking an old book up from the shelf
wipe away the dust and see
open the pages, remember and read
that you are you
pure and true
in all your forms, happy and sad
feel all the emotions, even mad
let everything go
let yourself grow
and you won't even know
that the pain is snow
melting in the sun
the pain is done.

Aug 2019 · 506

painful to write

Abbigail Aug 2019

painful to write

"dont think about it"
"dont talk about it"

think about it.
talk about it.

cry and scream about it if you have to. letting it out doesn't guarantee that you'll be free from the pain but holding it in guarantees you'll be sinking until you give yourself a chance to let everything out.

to not think and talk about it is ignoring the reality of it.

Apr 2019 · 256

standing

Abbigail Apr 2019

standing

You are here. You are alive despite everything. the hurtful words and actions of others will break your heart and maybe even your bones but keep looking up from the mountain you stand on.

you stand tall, you may have scars and cuts and you might even still bleed but you're standing.

Aug 2018 · 202

Untitled

Abbigail Aug 2018

Untitled

" fake it till you make it."
no.
do you know how many times people have said those exact words?
And then one day faking it is too much and making it is too far away, now they are gone and we no longer fake and make it.
we cry for them now, but they've already cried for us.

Jul 2018 · 473

if you are looking for a sign

Abbigail Jul 2018

if you are looking for a sign

break up with him/her
you deserve better
move out
Get a job
smile
everything will be okay
a bad day isn't a bad life
college isn't forever
you can't make people care
you only control you're happiness so make it count
go out and get what you're worth
leave the past in the past, you can't change what happened but you can change the outcome of the future
not everything is meant to be
saying you can't has already defeated you in the beginning
you either get bitter or get better
the choice is not up to fate, It belongs to you

someone needs to see this

Apr 2018 · 202

grow

Abbigail Apr 2018

grow

the flowers are growing,
the sun is starting to shine some more, so should you.

flowers are stepped on, do they die or do they keep growing?

Jan 2018 · 190

bitter thoughts

Abbigail Jan 2018

bitter thoughts

I get jealous because the girls who had the opportunity to call you
"mine" before I did,

Did not deserve you.

Jan 2018 · 243

Untitled

Abbigail Jan 2018

Untitled

there are drinks and drugs that can run through your blood stream and enter your mind and make you a lot happier than you are sober.
they can make you forget the worries of the world and they can take your pain away.

there are people like that too.

Dec 2017 · 430

roots

Abbigail Dec 2017

roots

"as broken as I am, I just need someone to put me back together."
no.
put yourself back together,
you'll never be broken again.

Dec 2017 · 166

warm

Abbigail Dec 2017

warm

I had been looking for warmth for so long in other people, I forgot that I had two arms that could wrap around my own body.
and now I've never been warmer.

Sep 2017 · 231

cup half full

Abbigail Sep 2017

cup half full

I was afraid of leaving because of all the pieces of me I would leave behind.
but that was the best part.
I left pieces behind so I could be filled with better ones.

Aug 2017 · 174

no escape

Abbigail Aug 2017

no escape

why pack up and leave?
why fly across the ocean or skip a few states?
whether you are 300 miles away or 3,000,000 miles away, you'll still think of them.

Jul 2017 · 236

I am me and more

Abbigail Jul 2017

I am me and more

I blamed myself.
I felt as if " I wasn't enough." became written all over my body.
I had to bend over backwards and readjust the mirror to look and see myself as someone capable of being loved and loving in return.
I am enough, I'm more than enough, in everything, I was made to be me and more.
I have it all, so do you.
We have everything and more.
It's not about who fills us up or makes our heart skip a beat, we do that to ourselves.
Its about who can be beside us and accept that we are more than enough for them and we are willing to love without an end.

Jul 2017 · 339

time isn't such a bad word.

Abbigail Jul 2017

time isn't such a bad word.

I have never been a patient person.
and when someone told me, " give it time, you will move on." I burned.
Time was against me until I realized waiting doesn't mean to tear me down. It helps us build ourselves up again.
If you let time do what it came there to do,
Time will put a bigger smile on your face than the person that took away your smile.
Time gives you the wisdom of realizing not everyone will stay and thats ok.
Time holds you in its arms and helps you realize self love.
Time gives you the gift of starting over for all the right reasons.

"Give it time." -my new favorite saying.

Jul 2017 · 271

love regardless.

Abbigail Jul 2017

love regardless.

love with all you have.
leave no regrets, and leave no words left unsaid
leave it all on the line.
and if they didn't want it, just understand that you weren't not enough and you were not too much. You were everything and they didn't realize it.
some people don't see the meaning of something until it is long gone.
so love with all you have because once everything is said and done, you did everything you could.
look back and smile because you are not left with regrets and you are not left with having to hold your tongue.
and now, look forward and realize that someone out there will love you unconditionally.

I will be okay

Jul 2017 · 235

I am truly tired

Abbigail Jul 2017

I am truly tired

Bending over backwards and dragging myself down to hold you up is exhausting.
At the end of the day, I take a layer of myself off like a man who works.
My bones ache when I lie down to rest, I will never get to retire will I?
Everywhere I go, your shadow lingers there. Will I ever get to truly rest?

Jul 2017 · 223

13 questions I will probably never get to ask you

Abbigail Jul 2017

13 questions I will probably never get to ask you

Can you tell me why I crave your skin on mine?
Or how you used to hold me with your calloused hands?
When deep down you knew you never meant for me to get comfortable because you weren't staying.

Can you tell me why my beating heart still aches for you when I beg it to stop?
As many times as you broke my heart into more than two pieces, I still somehow manage to scoop the remaining pieces up and convince myself that you will be the one to fix this.

My brain replays the memories we created like a movie, when it ends, my brain screams for it to be played one more time like a child and their favorite song.
Will the memories fade like the child's love for the song?

I cannot stand to be alone anymore. When everything is settled down and calm, waves of overwhelming feelings engulf me and I cannot escape.
Is that why you are never alone?

I hear our song on the radio and I immediately turn it off.
Do you let it play like any other ordinary song just to avoid the question of someone asking "why did you turn it off?"

My walls wonder why I have not hung up any more pictures of you, I reply "No more adventures."
Do you think of me when you go outside to take a picture of the sunset?

At night, I used to count down the days I wouldn't haft to sleep alone anymore.
Do you continue to add up the days you've slept alone? I hope the number keeps adding up.

I sit outside at night and I stare at the moon, I feel better when I realize that you and I see the same moon.
Do you realize that no matter where you go, the moon you see is the same one I see?

My eyes see everything different now. I no longer watch the sunset and I no longer love the ocean.
Is that why you're afraid to look around? Are you still afraid to put on your glasses?

Everyday without you, I run a marathon. My life has become a repeated marathon of exhaustion.
Why did you stop running?

There are over 6 billion people on this earth and I wanted you.
Why didn't you want me?

— The End —