I started as a madwoman deep in my heart,
The paint on my face,
The stick figure on paper.

I kept going like a madwoman,
The school pencils as my main utensils,
And the lined paper as my trusty canvas.

I gave up like a madwoman,
Blinded by society,
And believing that I'd never be content.

I broke through the barriers like a madwoman,
Scribbling left and right,
And embracing the drive for betterment.

If I can just continue on,
Unsettled and free hands running,
I'll always be happy to be a madwoman.

The grim reaper is collecting,
Cigarette butts on your doorstep.
I bet you're wishing you could adjust the angle,
That you see your insides from.

I see all the frills,
That you can't live without.
I see all the signs of your demise,
In your little checkbook.

She thinks she's a killer.
Do the stigmas hit you hard,
When you smoke with her, baby?
She's bleeding alcohol when you crush her.

I am even lesser.
I dare you.
Step down to my level,
So that we're both trying ourselves.

How ungrateful of me,
To see another truth,
And hide it out of sight.
Unfaithful to myself.

Always gasping in my sleep,
"You, it's you."
I'm living on the other side,
While your riches die.

But this moment is golden.

Loudly, she dreams today.
Everyone can hear it while they're on their way.
Sickly, is the girl in the window,
The seasons and the people passing,
Same old, same old.

Loudly, he dreams tonight,
Mother is loud again,
The sweat and the substance abuse,
Wafting up the staircase.
"Someday, I will leave this place."

More seasons, more seasons,
And the window is the scene of,
Newfound love and freedom.
Wind chimes, hands extended,
"I will take you away."

CRACKLE!

"I can't!"
And her tears drip down his ***** cheek.
"I'm sorry, I'm too weak."
His eyes darkened and he disappeared.
Yes, it was just a dream.

Sickly, is the young woman by the fire,
Window covered, no light in her.
Strongly, did the door open,
And he stood there dressed as a prince,
A new wheelchair, a throne.

Her eyes flooded like a well in April.
The scars in her heart shattered,
In the wind of the open window,
The smell hit her sniffling nose,
The flowers and the big tree, maple.

She stood, falling on her knees,
He bent and held her up, "Please,
Will you marry me?"
The love was heard by everyone in the town,
Clearly, loudly.

The lacking is killing,
And it is chilling,
Us to the bone.
Eris is cold.

The Goddess tricks herself into warmth,
Holding an item of memory,
Close to her withering body,
Shaking uncontrollably.

The realization of guilt widens her eyes,
And violently destroys her control.
A promise of eternity,
Becoming a shallow story.

The ties were weak,
But she tugged them as she climbed,
Laughing at every quivering tear,
Of the breaking rope.

Wind blew her out of her body,
And the lacking came.
There was nothing,
In the everything she promised to throw away.

Feeling overcame the Eris of discord,
And she fell to the bottom,
Splattering a story with her blood,
And she swept her conceit into the bloodied earth.

Goodbye, Eris.
Hello, Eris.

Hey, pretending man,
Do you like kissing my neck?
Is it tasty?
I didn't know shadows could taste.

Hey, pretending man,
Do you know why I'm lonely?
Are you able to feel my sensation?
I didn't know shadows could feel.

Hey, pretending man,
Can you say those words again?
The ones where I follow,
Into your ending.

Hey, pretending man,
Can you touch those places again?
I know I'll grow and sink into the ground,
But I want this.

Pretending man,
I'm ready to conceal a worry,
And a wish,
And always miss,
The tangible things.

The sweeping fiddle,
Notes glittering,
As the trees sway,
Gently as the swinging strands,
Of the weeping willow,
Tangle and strangle me,
Who is hanging by the crook of my knees,
On a tree branch.

I'll only listen 'til I fall asleep,
And crack my skull,
On the stones below,
Swinging, swinging, by my feet,
How cold of you not to notice me,
Singing along with your endless playing,
And enticing my wakefulness in a bribe to exile,
With the lullaby's melody.

I've been tricked!
Now you cut me down,
And take my dead body as your pleasure,
"La, di, da", still playing while you kiss me,
Quite the fiddler you are,
But mind you,
The tree nymph's lips cheat too,
Now you're fertilizer for the tree and I'm still humming and dangling.

"La, di, da, da, DAAA! Delicious!"

Maiden, sweet,
Hair the color of sunset wheat,
The cloth slips and reveals skin,
But hold your soul still from trembling,
Because her eyes are pitch black,
And there is no knowledge that they lack.

Double, triple ecstasy.
It seems you're in love with me.
Please don't **** me,
Please don't save me,
I am not appetizing.

It seems you've colored,
The faces with fear.
I have to say I'm honored,
That you've chosen me, dear.
You have me cornered.

What cumbersome infatuation.
I love the humiliation.
Seldom do I find,
That I'm fond of the times,
And it's the extremes,
That are inconvenient to me.
Toss aside the code.
Are you ready for love mode?

RESETTING, LOVE MACHINE.

Ah, burning sweet fires,
In my malfunctioning wires.
I-i-i-i-it's worth the trouble.

CALCULATING EMOTIONS.

I am dizzy,
The power's fizzling,
Out and I'm a mess.
Creator of my galaxies,
Why did the feelings,
Exceed your limits?

The knives come out and no one's ready!

SYSTEM SHUT DOWN.

You'll console me readily, won't you?
Tell me what I want to hear,
To satisfy me for another day.
No, you say?
I will cry and stray.
I will weep and pray,
Then fall to the bathroom floor,
Begging you to let me wallow in guilt.
No, you say?
And then the weight,
Of the million lies I believed,
Will crack and thud around me.
The calculating cat,
Poised for killing a rat,
Now slumbers at the drop of a hat.
It was you,
And your innocent logic,
That did that.
It's you,
Who, by a touch,
Can make me forgive at last.

Slightly does the wind *******,
And the smoke off the sky,
Its face... Ah, the red across the blue of the night.
The blinding performance of the fakers,
Gives purple hope to the papers,
That I will drink from the fountain.
Please, God, let me step carefully,
I can't forgive myself.
None of it is enough,
And the pictures are shredded up into the dust.
How tiny is the tear dancer,
I can't make it pause with these weak gestures.
Let it come through,
But slowly... Please, not fast.
Fading words in my head
Love... All that is owned.
Love... Please, quiet, let it be...
Love... Only... So much...
Yes, so much.

Fly on the wall,
Your existence annoys me so.
Someday, someday,
I will get you.

Fly on the wall,
What a pesky thing you are.
My fly swatter,
Abandoned and broken,
Will surely get you.

Fly on the wall,
I will set up fly tape for all,
Of your brothers and sisters.
Hopefully you'll die in the trap, too.

But maybe you'd actually like it that way,
So you could have my rotting flesh,
To yourself,
Everyday.

Even if I have to use,
My bare, cold, half eaten hands,
I'll destroy you for,
Putting all your maggots in my dead body,
Fly on the wall.

What do you say,
We go out and dig our graves?
It's not long 'til the memories,
Catch up to me.
His hands were wandering,
I wonder if he felt free?
He bribed and toyed,
While I cried, destroyed,
Threatened by shame.
Mommy, why'd you leave me here to stay?
Sweet and high,
His voice was unlike,
The fat hands.
Lullaby, he seemed.
Mommy, why?
Mommy, why?
I even said it to you,
But I was just a kid,
So words and fits,
Were just another thing.
I want to dig up the earth and sink,
Deep into the ground.

Mellow is the sweet singing of the sparrow,
To the fellow sitting on a tree trunk,
Sobbing himself 'til he's full and blind.
His creed is speaking, ready for taking.

Ready to make the skies green with storm,
Jilted with scorn his prayers must be,
To compose such cruelty.
We let ourselves entertain our hopes.

Yet he will not listen.
So instead we hope the sparrow's notes,
Glisten with his blood,
Glisten.

And the tears are dripping,
Ripping through the crowds.
We never saw the circle,
Constituting to our hate.

So we were ate up by clouds,
And avenging crows,
And millions of divine foes,
Yet defensive we became,
In the cycle of hate!

Mellow is the sweet singing of the sparrow,
O'er flowers growing from hearts long rotten.

I've wrinkled up the letters,
Wet with ice and tears.
And there's no point in,
Putting them in between the old pages,
Of books to straighten them.

It's likely that you'll find me,
In the windowsill, burning,
Tiny shreds and throwing them down,
Hoping to burn a piece of my memory,
Hoping they disintegrate into the ground.

"The letters aren't gonna do it for you,
You have to go, too."
My thin dress is exposing my heartbeat,
Racing fast as the grass gets closer to me.
Crackling of bone and flames.

On the old apartment building,
The ***** bricks are sticky with something.
A couple screams and runs away.
The sirens are so faint.
There goes my dreaming days.

Locked up in the wine cellar,
Tired of drinking over her,
But I can't stop. I wonder,
Will I ever stop?

The finest reds and whites,
Slip down my throat like I,
Am the richest man,
Who ever lived.

Surely the restaurant owner,
Will tell me that I'm fired.
I know I need to get my life together,
But the alcohol rids me of her.

She might reach,
For me,
Again, but I'll yell and I'll scream.
Then I'll say,

"Tell me, in this wine cellar,
Why I am stuck in this wine cellar.
Is it you?
Is it me?
I can't stop drinking.
I can't stop thinking,
Of what we used to be.
I promise I won't touch you.
I'm sorry."

Both of us are crying tonight,
Our bodies are battered and tied,
To the fictional stories.
You can't say we didn't try.
I see the arrows are ready to fly,
Through the narrow space that I created.
Can they strike me deeply enough?

I see it in you,
The fiery touch,
Of unconditional love.
It puts me back in a place in my heart,
Where I can learn to separate,
And remember that it is only your kisses,
That leave my lips unmarred.

Only in this space,
Can I piece together my fractured mind.

"I'm so lonely,
I'm all alone."
Those words,
And my existence is invalidated.

I might melt,
Into the pool of selfishness,
Every time I hear,
Of your longing for a touch.
I might melt,
Into a pool of madness,
Of despair,
When I think of your skin.

I turn into a puddle,
And my liquid existence,
Can't be held by you,
And it can only drown you,
So we both become alone.

Poor water,
Who's tears aren't seen,
For they are a part of the puddle,
And cannot be distinguished.

It's one of those hopelessly lonely moments.
Lost, undying.
I reach, but I don't want it.
I just want to scream in despair,
Like the pitiful creatures that rely on love in amateur romance novels.
Yet it is not for worldly things that I must cry.
It is for ungodly acts of lust,
And for despicable longing,
To tell my story and to know!
I just want to know...

WHAT IS IT THAT IS SCRAMBLING FOR PAPER IN MY HEAD?!

Did I ever tell you that,
The truth was d
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                                            down,
The pillars to the future?
Come to the play room,
The screens show the ugly.
The blank is beautiful.
Why is the distance of the room so hateful?
The birthed dissonance of the words,
Is crashing into my skull.
Her womb was empty,
I just had to be full,
Of the doctrine.
The bedside manner of the freaks,
Was so intriguing and seductive,
I fell onto the floor,
The spawn of Satan against my breast.

The screens went black.

Sweet and slow,
The river's flow.

May you shed your adorned dresses,
And may you wave your hair, its silver tresses.

May your newfound frailty,
Never be taken for granted,
For I know you were wilting,
Yet you stood strong like a tree, stubbornly planted.

Sweet and slow,
The river's flow,
Forward it goes,
For miles until you run through the earth.

Your wrinkles will be seen in my bedclothes.
Your hair will be seen in my silverware.
Your dreams will be seen at your grave.
We all return to sod while our children cry in vain.

So may the river carry on,
Sweet and slow,
But too soon for I.

Yes, sweet and slow,
The river's flow.

Easy comes the tide,
On my closing days.
Slight comes your sobs,
In the sound waves.
Soft comes the wilt,
Of ending May.
Subtle comes a sigh,
As I pass away.

Hard was the light.
Cruel was the pain.
But it all ends today.
Sweet comes the dark.
Gentle comes the rain,
As it all ends today.

Wandering down the hallway,
To the door,
I sit in the floor,
Under the doorframe,
Of your room.

I light a cigarette.
How could I forget,
That night you sat up in bed,
Scared of me?

It's easy to see through you.
The blood on my arms was here to hurt you,
But it doesn't mean you had to let it.
So why did you hush me?
Why was there no blame?

I'd rather hear the earth screaming,
Than feel your soft eyes.
I'd rather feel the dirt teeming,
Without rest!
I'd rather that than hear your cries!

The thin cloth and the naked body under it,
Such details were important to the ceremony.
And so were the eyes that laid to rest,
On my legs after the water took up the white.

My fright was ignored,
For his practice was more real.
As the drowning took place,
His eyes took in my struggle with gratification.

The promise of his life stood next to him,
Her eyes empty of everything.
Her millions of children were all that mattered.
The water was cold and the pure cloth clung tightly.

The baptism was over.
And so stood it.
FAITH.
A DAMNATION TO FAITH.

I see a comatose shell,
Fighting a deadline.
It sprouts wings of waiting,
Just like mine.

Withering, yet standing strong,
In a jealousy inducing calmness,
While my colors swell,
And I burst.

There are soft spoken scribbles,
Of an odd one's head.
The scribbles continue for centuries,
Trying to strike a chord in someone's heart.

Maybe things that transcend time,
Are meant for their hands.
Maybe things that stay in shapes,
Are meant for mine.

I've come to terms with,
Knowing the hard life has set its eyes on me.
And I'll get ready to go with you.
I'll pack my things,
Ready for wear and tear.
Never did it seem so easy before,
Until I wore,
The big girl shoes.
I've set myself up for rainy days.
Yet what's more to come, rather,
Is the freedom in our smiles,
And the chains ripped off our frowns,
And a new tear on the ground,
From the peace.

In between the faces of war,
An ideology that will further keep,
Them on a tight leash.
It is clear to me,
That the waters were clouded here.

Come to your senses in refreshed detail.
It'll all be bowing or dying,
Either way you fail!
Do not let it be known that you have eyes,
Or they'll put them in the lord's sockets.

Pressure, Oh, pressure, Oppression.
What a heavy rain today.
What a heavy reign these days.
Will the clever fool ever learn?
In your eyes be sure he cannot discern,
What's truth and what's not.

The only hope is a dead man.
I cry gently.

Her tears fall on my shirt,
Her hair tickles my skin.
I wonder what it's worth?
The reassurance she seems to find no comfort in?

I take her slowly under,
She gasps and struggles,
Her heart as loud as thunder.
I know her brain is muddled.

Her trembling heart is begging for change.
Her trembling hands stay,
Around my neck,
Her trembling lips are speechless.

I watch her face crumple up like paper,
Disintegrating at the touch of her tears,
On her cheeks they will leave a stain.
Her values are under strain.

We tremble at the decision to be made.

Finding you is sweet enough,
To corrode my will.
Sugars in the atmosphere,
I'll eat my fill.
Can't you see it's powerful?
I feel a chill.
Finding you, I've found me,
And now I see, it's not pretty.

Watching you cower down in fear,
Is too tempting and sad for me.
Why is the thrill of working to earn it all,
Giving me such overpowering emotional masochism?
It's not enough to have it now, first you must fall.
Switching is uncontrollable, it's intertwined.
Whenever I picture it, what I see and what I feel.
In all this, it's you I find.

It's not really forgiven,
No matter what you say.
Temporary strength is what arises,
From the indistinct pain.
My recollection of you grows dim,
I'll never win.
It all softens in my heart,
As I forget that we're far apart.

The night is rekindled by another,
But no matter what,
I have hope that I can find you.
This is me, finding you.

sigh
I'm ready, I'm ready.
Don't pester me.
I don't even want to go.
I don't want to see the show.

sigh
The streets are lit by...
By what? I cannot say.
The lights tend play,
A trick on my mind.

sigh
The moment that I need,
A stream of light,
I'm finding,
It hard to come by.

sigh
The night drags on, so dreary.
Why don't you fear me?
Isn't the lifetime ahead,
Climbing into your bed?

sigh
The eyes are looking this way.
I don't want to give you my number.
Mine is a face you won't remember.
And if you see it, it'll be in dying embers.

sigh
The eggshells break, no matter what you say.
The sidewalk's not for ****-ups.
In the road you will stray.
The caliber of your faking is ****** up.

sigh*

I cannot face it.