She said to just smile
Make the choice to be happy
The glass is half full
And the world is your oyster

How to explain, that I smile through the pain?
How to explain the glass is half full
But I still want to drown in it?
How to explain, the oyster keeps me tied in the dark?

He said it's all in your head
Just get some sunshine
Count your blessings
Just smile & make the choice to be happy

How to explain, my head isn't right?
The imbalance inside it has left me fractured
How to explain, the blessings I count
Make me feel guilty inside, undeserving
Of love, hope and joy?
How to explain, I can't make that choice?

My brain isn't right
The imbalance is there
The pills that I take
They just mask the pain
A bandaid to hide the gaping wound in my brain

I can't make the choice, it isn't easy for me
I smile through the pain
Put the bandaid on each day
Pretend that I'm fine
The trouble I am to those who should care
So I wear the mask that they made
While each day the wound grows

How to explain, it's swallowing me whole?

I wander in the dark
Flashes of light lead me
Do I go to that one?
Another flash, another turn
Where am I going?
Does it matter?
A flash, a step, a push
Betrayed, the cut deeper than before
Safety was before,
Go back or press forward, into the unknown?

Hope springs eternal
And I, I pray it's roots
Sprout so deep into my
Soul the devil in my veins
Cannot remove it

Ripped, torn, shattered
Left, bleeding broken
They thought I would stay
Broken, bleeding
To weak to or myself back together
There were wrong
Stronger, fighter,
Warrior

Pain
Depression
Anxiety
The demons I live with
The demons I run from
Happiness
Joy
Love
The emotions I run from
I don't deserve these things
But I want them
More than my next breath
Caught between the two brains
Fighting for my life
Fighting for her life
The world is heavy on my shoulders
The demons laugh
Waiting for me to fall
To fail
The threads holding me together
They loosen a little more
Pain
Depression
Anxiety
The demons that make me stronger
The demons I will fight
I will win

Some days it's too much
I can't, I won't
I have to
Why
Why
Why
I just want to give up

Anger, swift and hot
Fills my blood like lava
Burning from the inside
My soul fights
Hanging on to love
To hope and peace
Reminds me of happiness
Of the good times
Creates a barrier
Protecting the thing that keeps me human
Anger, slow and hot
Bides it's time
Waiting for weakness

Pain slices, the hole grows.
How can no one see?
The blood pores, but only inside
Solitary confinement, my punishment for loving.
How do I stop?
Cauterized wound, the blood has stopped
The pain is still there