my tears fall silently
they have no path
no sense of direction
they fall without reason
my heart weeps
on my face I wear a smile
behind that smile is pain
an unexplainable pain
a pain so deep, so raw, so real
I see no way for it to be healed
no way for the wound to close,
twisted thoughts that leave behind more confusion,
a sense of loss, a sense of betrayal, a sense of....
nothing...
just an empty void, a dark abyss...
I am nothing, I am nobody...
a hypnotic mantra that weaves itself throughout my brain,
it flows so smoothly through my heart, my mind, my spirit...
silently...
without a path,
without a sense of direction,
without a reason,
just like my tears...

how can something as pure as love hurt?
why wasn't I warned?
where's the manuscript,
the rules, the rights, the wrongs?
how can something so sweet turn sour?
at first it was bliss,
wonderful, exciting, amazing...
and now it's disastrous, a wreckage, poisonous
the cause of my pain,
the cause of my sorrow,
the reason my heart is breaking,
the reason behind all of my tears,
my love is now tainted,
I don't think I will ever try again
love is now a book to never be reopened,
a book that I will cast behind me and hide in the attic
to be covered in cobwebs,
I will let the pages of love turn yellow with age,
never to be turned again

I trusted you,
above all others,
I gave you me,
I gave you my heart,
to keep...
it was yours
to cherish,
to protect,
my most precious possession
I asked was it too much,
could you handle the task...
of keeping my treasure
for all times
I placed my life,
my essence,
MYSELF
in your hands,
you smiled
you graciously accepted
you swore
and
you promised
never would you hurt me,
my heart...
it was once whole,
a beautifully crafted masterpiece,
and now it's nothing!
just broken glass
waiting
to be swept up
and thrown away

surrounded by so many
yet I feel alone
so alone
my smile is empty
my eyes are lifeless
my heart is hollow
I am a husk
an empty shell
I feel as though
my very essence has been taken
spilled upon the ground
my tears scorch my face
following a well traveled path
eroding my crumbling heart
every breath is labored
painful
meaningless
an automatic occurrence
if it were to stop
I wouldn't know the difference
would you?
it's a question I don't expect an answer to
because...
although I am surrounded by so many
I feel alone
so alone

your smile is amazing
looking into your eyes makes my knees weak
I can not believe you are mine
you belong to me
and I to you
I share you reluctantly
who else could make me feel this way?
you make me feel so loved
so amazing
so wanted
so needed
my world revolves around you
you are the center of my universe
you are my sun
my very heart
your tears are my tears
your joy my joy
when you reach for me
I reach back
when you call
I run to your voice
my day is incomplete
without seeing you smile
my life would be nothing
if you weren't apart of it
I love you

-Mommy

the emptiness of my heart can not be filled
the moment you walked away
sadness replaced my joy
when I see your face my pulse quickens
my breath rushes from my lungs
I want to reach for you...but I can't
your image is all I see every time I close my eyes
your scent drives my insane
I need you...
I want you...
Come back to me...
are all the things I want to say but I know I can't
when will I be able to have you as my own again?
to be able to kiss your lips...
to trace my fingertips across your silky skin...
to look into the deepest eyes I've ever seen...
to hold you in my arms,
to know that you are mine and mine alone?
the torment is endless
my heart breaks more and more each day
all I can say is that my love for you will never die...
I want so badly for you to run back to me with open arms
But until that day I will never extinguish the flame that burns daily in wake of your return