I should be happy,
but as much as I try...
i cant be.
I try to sleep but i cant,
smiling just happens now,
whether im happy, or sad.
Today was a sad day.
And I dont know why.
I dont understand why i want to die.
I want to leave.
be all alone,
with no one but myself.
I have "friends", "family"
and thats the problem.
My family and friends are really figments of imagination.
Ive got that girl,
that I adore.
I want her forever.
But I for some reason dont believe that,
she will miss me when im gone..
why is it like this?
Must be because of my past,
all the times i've been lied to..
all the times ive been hurt.
Its killed me inside,
I cant trust..
I dont know how.
My friend says im an angel,
she can never be mad at me,
its this just to keep my happy?
She could be lying just like the rest,
waiting for me to crash,
ready to laugh when I cry.
I tell her everything,
hoping she wont spread it.
Im afraid everynight that something will get out.
So as I die.
I leave nothing behind.
Because life is my un trusting friend.
                                                                          -anurag

Unburdens the dusky river

dreams of flow dead in the bog of hyacinth
harvest burnt in the scorch of aridity
ripples robbed by the silt of dogma
sunbeam denied by the **** of creed

I was meant to reach the sea,
now I would never make it.

I pick the river's shattered pieces
with my own from the wintry dusk.

I am so very stupid
for putting trust in you
for thinking that you'd be there
and thinking that you'd stay true

all you do is lie
and make me feel like *******br>i hate you so F u k i n much
I'm sick of all of it

i hate to see your face
you lying backstabbing h o e
i kept ALL your secrets
and you will never no

how could you break the trust
and everything we made
for the love that i once had
has started to wilt and fade

All the Love i had
has now turned into hate
you just seek attention
and doing thats your fate

you probably lied about everything
and how your lifes so bad
you show the world your cuts
that supposedly make you sad

but not once have you cared
about me and my life
and how everything in it
makes me use the knife

i want to rip your hair out
so then you'll feel some pain
you'll no how it feels
to want to just be sane!!

and one day when everyone
is older and very wise
they will no your not worth it
they'll get sick of all the lies

so maybe you should think of that
before you say 'get the f u k away'
maybe then you'll see
I HATE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY

Every year I do the same –
The calendar gets marked
With birthdays and important dates
To help my brain get sparked.

I sometimes add occasions
For new friends or someone’s birth,
As sending cards is what I do,
For all that it is worth.

Yet this year there are certain dates,
Where names I’ve always penned,
That will be blank because I’ve lost
A relative and friend.

The August 1st box used to be
Where Marilyn I’d write,
But now she’s buried six feet down,
Which never will feel right.

The need to write Aunt Helen’s name,
November 12th, did end,
For age lay claim and that’s a card
That I’ll no longer send.

That’s just the way it goes, I guess,
But now it’s got me thinking
That every year I should expect
My list to keep on shrinking.

Your fingers dip below my waist,
traveling at a sensuous pace.

The lower you go,
my anticipation builds.
My heart beats faster
bracing for the thrill.

Your touch has me moaning,
begging for more.
Your hot passionate kisses;
I simply adore.

I feel it, I feel you,
as I crest on high.
Only you can take me,
on this incredible ride.

Baby, do it again,
and again and again.
I never get enough
of this delight sin.

I lay here to night in a dark silent room,
Feeling only pain and uncontrollable gloom.
Pictures of the blood flash in my head,
Pictures of you laying on the floor dead.
Never to come back and mess up my life,
I smile as I wipe your blood from my knife.
Your darkened red blood spills out on the street,
Your Colden heart stop DEAD in its beat,
I think back to all the pain and the hurt,
As I cover your body and spit on the dirt.
From you or you GAME I Can no longer run,
And me killing you was my turn for FUN.
Oh how they'll cry and Oh how they'll weep,
But I know their Sorrow is ONLY SKIN DEEP.
As I turn to walk down the cold empty street,
I walk to the rhythm your heart USED to beat.
I think Back to you lying dead on the floor
And SMILE knowing your heart beats NO MORE!!!!!!!!

I HATE being patient, but I've got more of it than anyone else I know
I HATE having to put my self aside for something else,
but I care enough to do it
I find myself filled with a lot of that lately... this... Hate...
It sounds so weird to say it out loud... Hate.... It doesn't have a nice feeling.
I HATE-
It's just not me.
It's not how I want to be.
It doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.
It doesn't sound right swirling through my head
why is it that I find myself constantly forcing that word out of my head.
I hate that...
there it is again,
lately It creeps up on me.
I know what causes it. I'm tired.
I'm tired of being patient and putting myself second
second for you
I hate you
I don't hate you.
I hate the power you seem to have over me
I hate that I can't hate you.
I feel helpless,
The words echo through my head. They echo through the room.
The room
This room.
I hate this room.
The room you so kindly took the time to build for me.
the room in my head.
once my sanctuary. - now my enemy.
I hate this room.
I'm forced to sit in this damp windowless room.
there is no way out. Not yet anyways.
I have to wait.
wait - And be patient.
wait...
for you.

I fell in love with you
slowly,
syllable by syllable,
word by word,
poem by poem
imagining the moon’s
dancing affair with stars,
twinkle by twinkle.
And then
all at once
like the explosion
of a super nova
affecting distant galaxies
and down to my very soul.
I fell in love with you gently,
the way a dew drop
glistens in the morning sun,
the way a flower often opens
to a moonlit song.
But like all love worth holding,
it turns to fire-
raging,
uncontrolled,
wild and consuming;
you have become the flames
dancing across my skin,
smoldering brightly
within my heart
turning me into the sweet smell of ash.
I fell in love with you
slowly
then quickly,
the way a meteor flashes
as it skims across the night sky
or hearts melt
within an ******* sigh.
I fell in love with you.