When I was young I stumbled upon this beautiful garden,
I liked spending time there just by myself.
I didn't mind my solitude as long as I could observe that little stream make it's way through the dense bushes.
The garden would sooth my soul and warm my bones.
It was not rare for my place to be a home for a guest.
And they would help me get my place a little nicer even.
I assure you I didn't even ask for it, the help would always come somewhat as a gift.
I was always way too shy too ask.
Well maybe sometimes I did need some help that I wasn't getting,
but I'd rather just try to make a deal of sorts.
But the truth is it was actually unwise to expect the real warmth, it was rather to be enjoyed as it came.

I got mad at my place, I figured that while the flowers were blooming and that little stream was flowing, I would slowly rot.
My garden would steal my energy in return for lonely visions.
And even though the visions were beautiful and brought me nice sleep.
I got afraid it was never about making them come true.

And so I left my garden, I don't want to have anything to do with it.
Gone, I don't love you anymore. But there really is nowhere to go.
From time to time I meet someone that seems to hold a promise for making my garden new again.
I have not been lucky with them, oh how I grieve them then.

People have their gardens too right?
You know you have to be careful with letting people in,
they can make it ugly very easily.
And what if they decide to never leave?

Seems like the only thing I miss is a tiny bit of luck
but in my experience luck is there rather in a wierd way
and more likely to cooperate when not really needed.

Hell that's what we've ended up thanks to science.
All that you see and all that you hear is a luck matter.
Yeah I don't like that idea too it's just unlikely.

Today I am desperate for someone to work in my garden with.
Well the truth is the garden is desperate and it has ways to steer me.
And from what I know my garden is calling for a bearer of fire that could just burn it down.

I hope I will make it happen eventually, the sooner the better.
And if not I hope at least my death will bring me peace.
I don't like my garden, I want to burn it down.

I need some help with it, and then I will be good.
Why nobody wants to help me now?

my father has carried it for as long as i remember,
i am pretty sure he has meant it for me too
i do not wish to hold it, in fact i think it's pathetic
i don't want to have anything to do with it

well it sticks to me still, but i believe i will rip it off one day
i am pretty sure i am right, the disgust that i feel towards it,
well it's raw, it's deep, i didn't just come up with that one day
so even if i am wrong and what i tell is heresy
then just know that it is not my mind that is sick, it is my heart

and if that is true then just cross me out for there was no other way

well that happens to me from time to time,
i get away somewhere far and nice
and i stumble on someone that catches my eye
and then they stay in my head for years and years

never have i fallen i love with someone i met around my corner
no it had to be miles away
oh yes that is eh... tragic truly

how come you stole my heart in a matter of days, maybe hours
it had to be special i believe you are a little more than human
you have to be a little devil or something like that

i could see it in your eyes and that's what got me
oh you are so pretty, and you make me feel loved you do
and i loved you for a second too, even though i was paralysed
i was not able to move, maybe i should've

it's only rational to stay quiet now
it's no way around the barriers that separate us
i am weak now, and i can't get you here so you could embrace me
and your kind will keep us separate

i am weak now and i need to hold your hand
i need to know you are who i think you are
i need you to not let me down on your promise
the way i feel right now i might not be able
what kind of man am i after all

tommorow i think there will be war
and i am afraid i will die
and the next day the world will end so you will too
i don't believe we'll ever meet my dear

but for that little while we almost made fun of it
it feels like we knew all along

i didn't lose hope entirely
that's why i got off that bus
because i need to protect myself
so i can eventually get you

in her eyes i am a blank page
i can flood her with the old twisted ideas of myself
ideas that i no longer want to follow
a past bent to that one sick perspective

instead of dropping the weight on her
i might be able to just built the new

it will reaquire persistance to withstand the silence
but i've grown tired of that story

I was careful so I don't go too far with my assumptions
I am way to vulnerable, I obssess, I am dying for little.

I never accepted that you'd realy be too blind to see.
But as time goes and I get to see more clearly I know you were oh so blind.

Tell me I've grown cold and blind, tell me it was back then when I knew the truth
Wouldn't change much I guess, but you know it breakes me to think it was all in vain

I am glad to be numbed right now.

it was really appealing go along
to go and explore

whatever they say
the truth is they need us

oh so I did and I let myself go
I thought it was the right way

but it turned against me
i was always a tiny bit shaky
so i formed a habit of flooding the place
and then I would always watch it dry
holding on tight

there is no use...

No weight attached,
for some reason you don't matter much.
Yet today you brought me some warmth.
You almost always do.
And there was that night when I really craved for you.
I promise you - I could not sit still.
So I called Her and I made them laugh.
I really couldn't sit still that night, can you believe it?
But there it was, gone.
I never knew what I wanted from you.
And then I did you wrong, do you really feel that way?
I was afraid to hold you so I turned around.
Without a word.
Forgive me, I don't know why
why I couldn't find any love for you.
I mean you really deserved it.
Turns out I'd rather give it up to Someone else.
I am so glad I met you,
and we did have our own moments, but

no weight attached,
for some reason you don't matter much.

don't look for the sweet little peace
it's neither the right time or place

just let go of that, it's okay to go places
it's only fair to get yourself ****** over

there's this image in my head
so full of sentiments that old *****
and you bet I know what's going on up there

but that's not it, *******
i resonated with different part
and now I am so lost

i don't understand anything
and you don't too

ah **** I got work to do
I can't stay there
I don't believe in what's been said
just make it stop
i am tired
i am really tired

what's the use of saying that a hundred times
just
change
the
atitude

i know i won't figure it out
it's not that i want to

it's okay i stay because
there is a limit
there's more to it than that
yeah it's okay i tend to forget too
but as you very well know
you wise one
the effort only makes you get lost