I became these things
for you and
in your absence
these things
still remain

I've always loved mismatched people and things
But the way you wear your makeup
A shade or two lighter than you should
Makes me wonder
Why would you want to trade
The soil in your cells that I adore
For the faded tone you feel so many prefer

My greatest act of self hatred
Was letting myself believe that
I was nothing without you

shadows dancing on my wrist
and wind licking at my fingertips
light moving back and forth
past the greyish-blue eyes I always hated
but never knew why
everything is new
and nothing is the same
but then again
I've never craved consistency

you say you can't move your hips
the way that boys want you to
but no one brings me to my knees
the way that you do
when your lips erase and retrace
beautiful words on my skin
that I never thought were
meant for people like me

the cuts on my hands
have now become white scars
and I think that says a lot
about how I'm doing