You ruined so much for me,
But I'll be ****** the day I let you in again.
After winter comes spring,
And your touch on me will fade with the snow.
I will shed the skin you touched and become something different.
Someone never hurt by you.
Someone you never knew.

There are holes in my old socks
From all the cigarettes
I’m either too tired
Or too sad to finish

I put so much **** into my bath that night,
Hoping it would sink into my pores, anything to get you off my skin and out of my veins.
I sat in that bath until it was as cold as your pool on that one spring night.
The only difference is that this time you weren’t there holding me.
But oh, you were there.
In my watery eyes and erratic pulse,
In my slightly wet hair and torn up fingernails.
I wasn’t sobbing hysterically.
Just the occasional tear trailing down my face past my vacant expression.
Watching them hit the water, I remembered when it used to be blood
That would spread in reddish brown clouds all around me.
I don’t hurt myself anymore.
I just let you do it for me.

I walk to class wearing her glasses and your shirt.
I can still smell her hair from yesterday,
And I can still feel your lips from last month.
I told her I’m not ready, but she didn’t care.
I told you I was ready, and you didn’t care.

Some days
I am so very full of hope
I have moments where all I can do
Is smile and let the tears come
Because I know that it can’t be this way forever.
The pain rips and the memories tear,
I’m learning not to care,
About if they care or not.
Because Jesus Christ, I love so deeply and feel so fully,
For better or worse.
And that is all I can ask for.

We talk about our sweaty palms,
Cautious, careful to avoid
The slightest touch.
Knees gently bump beneath tables,
I flinch back as a flame,
One I want so badly,
Begins to lick at my heels,
Consuming me.
Memories flood my racing thoughts
As I slip your shirt over my head,
Hair messy from fearful fingers
I have no choice but to keep busy,
Because if I don't,
They might find their way to yours.

She's got these mossy green eyes,
The same color as the grass
All those days we used to spend laughing about nothing.
And no one asked, but I can't help but share.
She's got this curly, reddish-brown hair,
And I'll never forget the feeling
Of it tangled in my hands
All those nights we used to spend laughing about everything.
She's got these two freckles
On the right side of her back,
She doesn't know, but she has
******* constellations traced onto her skin,
Imbedded in the deepest parts of herself.
She's got this mind, this labyrinth.
I can't find my way out,
But I don't think I want to.