I want to apologize for all
the times I walked in front
of you, all the times I could
see you about to cry, and I
could do nothing but laugh
nervously, I'm so sorry, for
lacking the compassion to
cope, to be someone good.
Will you ever forgive me
for being so selfish?

I'm being tortured. Being pulled apart slowly, painfully, and in all of the places that make me scream the loudest.
Satan has given me my own personal demons. My torturers.
They have ripped my skull in half.
They are experimenting on different parts of my mind. Finding where it causes me to writhe in pain.
They have started to rip the skin over my chest.
They have found my heart. They are cutting it to pieces.
They have taken my lungs. They are squeezing them..making it impossible to breathe..
yet God is barely keeping me alive. Why? Why do I feel like Job? I'm not strong. I don't have the strength to keep my blood flowing.
I feel it. They are going to snap my spine in half. Soon. So very soon.

i hate the smell
of freezing knuckles
wrapped in tobacco
and garlic

the weight of snow
filled porches and
conversations about
when i will get out
of this spiral

i will get out of this

you're nothing,
i'm everything,
you're nothing,
i'm everything

i will repeat this
as stars sing me to
sleep and sun wakes
me up, i will repeat
this, until i finally
believe