it's one in the morning
and I want to die

Its been a week since I hurt myself
And I am proud
Of me

Do you want to take me back?
All I want is to be yours,
to be held by you,
and to be the one you adore.

Do you think that I'm a joke?
All I do is wish I could be yours,
to be perfect,
and to be the girl everyone adores.

She's waiting for him to answer her
                                                           He is out having fun
She's wondering what she did wrong
                                                           He's talking to other girls
She sheds tear for a boy who never loved her
                                                           He has never thought about her before he sleeps
She tells herself she's not good enough for him or anyone
                                                           He doesn't even remember her name




But I thought what we had was special
                                                         You are nothing to me

she has nobody to talk to
she has only music as a friend
she has scars on her thighs
and she has fresh cuts on her ankles

she is sad and alone
she is standing at the edge of the cliff
she is beginning to see nothing but death
and she is creeping closer to the end

go away
you've done enough
                    damage
and I'm tired
                    of smiling
of *lying to myself

I'm fine
                    *with being alone
I never should have gotten my hopes up
because you were enough
but I am not
                    I will never be enough

I'm sorry for trying
  
                    *goodbye

burn me with your touch
     I can feel your soul

Today
Her bestfriend spoke of another girl
That she is now closer with
She has thrown her to the side of the road
And left her to die

Alone

I'm sick
with a twisted mind and a sore throat

when I think of you I am manic
with joy
but then I think of how you think of me
and I become anxious and can no longer breathe
so please be kind

Three weeks ago
I could think straight
I hated the metal
I could distract myself from the sadness

*Today
I'm more insane than before
I crave the metal more than air
I am more depressed than ever

you really start to feel
worthless
when you reach out for
help
and nobody notices
you



you become afraid of what you're going to do next

I feel as though I am drowning
Sinking into an abyss
But am I truly fading
Or is the void coming for me
To swallow me whole
And to bring me to my dreams

Escort me to wonderland
Mr Reaper
Let me fall into the rabbit hole
To obtain my fantasies

he dresses me up in beautiful words
but what he doesn't know is that
the admiration is what breaks me down
until I'm nothing at all
but he doesn't realize and continues
as I begin begging for the end

of his words that hurt my soul


of the empty feeling inside



of me

you're not in control,
by your mind doesn't wander.
for a few hours everything is frozen,
still.
all emotions disappear,
like a soul in a corpse.
concentration is impossible.

but it ends with relief.
you're no longer a zombie,
but they return.
the fear, and the thoughts,
and they're angry.

you tried to suppress them,
but it made them stronger.
you yearn for the high,
from the drugs meant to help.

it's desperation against control.
allow a pill to control your mind,
not a disorder

the end is beckoning