they were both two very splendid human beings
they understood each other in all the ways two people can understand each other
they shared a very strange desire to be next to one another
there was so much fire in whatever kind of beautiful
******-up relationship they had
so much fire to the point where they eventually burned out
grew apart

she tells him that she met someone new but he doesn't bother to care because in his dreams, they meet, somewhere between reality and illusions; they share all what is left unsaid

I wonder if you will ever stop hurting me, if we will ever stop hurting each other
I understand your intentions, after all, I've seen your soul
as pure as it was, you've hurt me continuously until I could no longer sense the pain
all I knew was that I carried it around with me, it became a part of me
it would be my first morning thought
it would crawl up inside my body and leave me trembling on the bathroom floor
it would put its hand in mine and walk through entire tragedies with me
the pain would never let me go
it would put me to sleep but never at ease
and I tried to shut it out
to lock the doors of my mind
but even months after the pain stopped occurring
it came rushing back
leading scars and flashbacks behind it
and you allowed it to take over my head and break through my chest with not an ounce of mercy
you could see through my soul
you knew your way around my mind
and so, you allowed it
you will never truly understand this but I helplessly fell in love you
I have written you thousands of millions of words that I have never sent
you were my best friend, my family, my entire world
I would have cherished you until the day I died
and now I understand more than ever that what doesn't **** you only prepares you for emotional death
where were you when I needed your apology, your presence, perhaps not your sympathy, but your commitment
where were you?
nowhere to be found, that is where you were
and now you're everywhere and I don't want you but I need you to go
to take your words, your memories, your entire existence that means nothing, and go
because I've had enough and I can't take any more of this
I don't need a closure and I certainly don't need you
you took years of my life and made them yours, you took my time, my secrets, my patience, my kindness and made it all yours
what more could you possibly want?
I wish I could write more
but my words fail me
because you took everything
and left me with a lack of expression
and a void that I'm still trying to fill

she's gold
she's both hell and paradise in a human form
she might be sad for numbered days, but once she smiles again...
the horizon stops
every motion stops
every constellation of celestial stars you've ever dreamed of starts appearing in the curve of her smile
she's beautiful
she's the moments of difference in a sunrise
she's the wish you think of when you close your eyes
right before blowing your birthday candles
she's the feeling of a spring breeze touching your cheeks
and making your hair flow back
she's the smell of jasmines and daisies
and when her fingertips touch your skin
flowers bloom in your chest
and your roots attach you to her
she brings out the poet in you
the artist in you; and loving her is the best form of artwork I have ever witnessed
so don't take her for granted
don't you waste her
don't ever break her
and wait... just wait for her
give her the space she needs but let her know you're there
don't you dare let her go
don't you dare abandon her after ******* with her
don't you ever leave her because you'll come to realize
that you need her more than you can ever need anyone or anything else

there’s a tiny bit of pleasure behind all of it
maybe I enjoy roaming these streets alone, picking myself up, all by myself
and maybe sometimes it ***** me up the fact that no one dares to come close and whoever takes the chances ends up being rejected and shut out  
what is it with me? why can’t I open up to you the same way you do why can’t I let it all out
I don’t want to be next, I watched you and the people you love the most drift apart and I just don’t want to be next. I don’t want to open my heart and let my soul attach itself to yours just so you could leave me shattered later on. six months later I can see myself ******* things up again
because I can’t help it, I can’t stop thinking
I can’t express my inner thoughts and emotions without being misunderstood but you, you fix me
you inspire me, you make me want to spend the rest of my life behind you, watching over you, making sure you’re safe and sound
you make me want to be a better person for you, the greatest friend anyone could ever have the privilege of encountering
I wish I was enough I wish I wasn’t so ****** up
but if we’re both as ****** up as we claim could we master the art of perfection? could we fill up each other with what we’ve got left? am I wrong for believing in you? for seeing things in you no one else can
or am i just another passing memory of yours?
teach me what I am to you for I must know how much to expect from you
I don’t want to expect anything from you
I don’t want you to know that you’re capable of letting me down because you’re by far the only thing I thought I needed and even if you take me by my arm and throw me across the Atlantic ocean you’d still be my favorite
best I ever had

it's times like these where I need you the most
but you're never around, no where to be seen
I haven't wrote anything since you've left
I can't function properly without you
my mind and soul were set to depend on you
to rest on your shoulder
there are 7 billion people in the world which means that there are enough shoulders and enough people that would rather hear me talk about what hurts but I refuse to open up to anyone other than you
you were what people would define as a 'soul mate'
you were actually more than that, I was too **** attached
never again.
how could you abandon me?
is it because i'm too ****** up that you failed each and every attempt at trying to fix me?
I wish you'd knew that you being by my side was the only thing that was holding me back from my anger and rage
having you around was the only thing that was keeping me from being on the cusp of insanity; now I'm the furthest thing from 'sane'
I know you're aware of my heavy thoughts that keep me down at times of my broken mind and my shallow soul
we used to have what everyone spent their whole lives searching for
we could've wrote marvelous books
the ones you'd get lost in
we had a strange ability, you and I
we could've been whatever we wanted to be
whenever, wherever, we wanted
we were the furthest thing from perfect
but I promise you, we were something special

what if
why
how come

sentences
words
letters

all don’t matter, all aren’t able to affect you unless you give them the power to

drugs
love

they don’t differ much

I’m completely sober yet I’ve been feeling like a drug addict ever since I fell in love with you

you
7 billion other people

oh but they don’t come close to what you mean to me. you’re astonishing, completely out of this
world; you differ from anyone I’ve ever known

scents and smiles and many other faces
I find enjoyment in observing art, in staring at beautiful faces and structures and movements
but you, God. pretty is not the word, you’re way more than that. personalities and looks, but your soul is way beyond that

dreams
fantasies
illusions

I find you in my dreams, fantasies and illusions
I find you in book shelves, on each letter of my favourite quote
I find you in people’s eyes, on each iris I pass by
I find you in deep poems, in messy paintings, through art galleries and museums
I find you in my mind, on each thought, in every corner

everywhere
anywhere

yet I choose to keep you locked in the deepest parts of me

two
ten…
seventeen years passed by and I wish I knew you earlier
I wish I carried you on my shoulders and held you tightly, closely to the pulse of my own heart