I never understood why the universe tried its best to tear us apart. I kept thinking of how contradictory and hypocritical it is of the world to use all its natural forces in bringing us together only to break us apart. We were meant to be, entirely destined for one another, thats what we would tell each other on our good days. And on our bad days I’d hold on to that thought. I’d tell myself that you and I are far stronger than to be separated. I wish I could make sense of what you’re going through, I wish I could make your worst days seem bearable. But my love, all i could ask you now is to hold on to us. All the distance in the world could never lessen my love for you, just please don’t let it lessen your love for me.

i don’t know what to write. or what to tell you. but i know it’s about time i start writing about you, us. they say that people stop writing for two main reasons, its either they’re really happy or broken beyond repair. in this case, i suppose i’m happy. i’m over the moon. i live in my own world that consists of days full of you. days where i fall asleep to the thought of you and dream about you and wake up finding you there, sending me a casual morning text that seems like the loveliest gesture to me. i’m so in love with you that i’m speechless. i can’t find the words that would perfectly capture my feelings for you. nothing could ever do you justice. i wish i could write more, i wish i could tell the world how you’ve made me the happiest person during a time where i thought i’d feeling nothing for the rest of my life. i wish i could let them know. but you see, maybe that’s the whole point, maybe no one needs to know. it’s just us, my love, and everything else is a blur. you exist in each and every part of me. you are the reality of everything, the one thing that keeps me going. in all my life i would have never imagined to meet someone like you. i would’ve laughed at the thought of it. but now even the most impossible thoughts seem possible with you. for that, and for many other reasons, i love you.

my love, this isn’t it. there’s more to say and more to write, but everything comes in the most unexpected way, at the most strangest time. for now, i could only tell you that you grew to be a part of me. you live in my heart and wander around my thoughts. you’ve made yourself at home within me. and god, i hope you stay.

how is it that you’re a part of me yet apart from me

i don’t know what to do, love. i wish there was something i could do to help me bare with the heaviness of your absence. as hard as it is, i’ve come to realize that i need you here. i need to hear the sound of your laugh. i need to gaze into your brown eyes one more time. i need to stare at you doing such ordinary things, like watching your favorite show or having your favorite dish. i need to hear you talk about university or state your opinion on a movie or documentary. i need to feel that ache in my stomach from cracking up at your jokes and watching you do the clumsiest things to make me laugh. i need you to try to throw me off bed and feed me in public when i’m not looking just because you know it embarrasses me. i need you to pose anywhere and take endless pictures of us. i need you to introduce me to your mom one more time. i need you to smile again when she asks about me. i need you to get frustrated with me but still call me by my name so i know i haven’t lost you forever. i need you to randomly call me when your friends are around. i need you to ask me one more time why i want to hang up. i need you to listen as i tell you the things i could never say to anyone else. i need you to get under my skin, to **** me off like no one else. i need you to make me feel as comfortable as i felt the first night we met. i need you to put my mind at ease. i need you to fight for me one more time. i need you to discuss the most random topics with me. i need you to share your writings one more time. i need you to lay with me while we listen to our favorite songs, just one more time. i need you to give me that rush, to send shivers down my spine, to make me feel like my heart is about to drop, just one more time. as pathetic as it sounds, i need you here. but i know for a fact, that you don’t need me. and i don’t need the heartache of knowing that you don’t feel the same way i do.

so stay safe, love. i need you to be strong, love. i need you to admire every sunset you come across. i need you to blast your favorite songs and cruise around the city. I need you to wear your heart on your sleeve without worrying about the whole world looking. i need you to finish reading the book i gave you. i need you to keep those two bracelets. i need you to work ******* achieving your goals. i need you to make the best out of your life because every second counts. i need you to smile softly. i need you to fall in love with someone who’s willing to give you more than you deserve, because you deserve the world and should only settle for someone who can offer you an entire multiverse. i need you to talk about your feelings. i need you to value yourself and stand your ground. i need you to recommend the Breadwinner series to as many people as you can. i need you to listen to Location one more time. i need you to sing along to it, just one more time. i need you to go on with your life and i need you to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t include me. i need you to belong to the horizon and the night sky and the stars, because you could never belong to me.


yours truly,
S.B.

i’m sick and tired of going through the same struggle everyday. the struggle of staying away from you. i get this urge to call you and tell you how much i’ve missed you and how i really did try my best to move past this but i couldn’t. i spend each and everyday fighting this strong need to talk to you. it’s an addiction, that explains it best. you’re flowing through my veins and i keep trying to scratch you out of my skin but you’re a part of me. you invaded me. and the worst part is i let you. i gave in completely. i fought it continuously but i eventually gave in. i’m in love with you. i don’t know who you are or what you did to me but i’m helplessly and hopelessly in love with you. it’s not the kind of love where you’re here and we’re together and i run my fingers through your curly hair which i imagine is hard. and you tickle me because you love to hear me laugh. no, that image only exists in my deep fantasies. when it’s all said and done, when it comes to reality, it is nothing like that. it’s me against my feelings in a battlefield and you’re watching from afar. completely unconcerned with the pain i’m putting myself through for you. silly, isn’t it? how someone could love you endlessly but from a distance. it feels like we’re miles apart from each other and there’s no possibility of a way back. life works in uneven ways sometimes, but i guess the odds were never in our favor; you and I.

yours truly,
S.B.

It's not mean to be.
In other words; sometimes you can go on loving and caring for someone but from a distance. You can wish them happiness, but that does not mean that you'll be a part of it. Neither your presence nor your absence have the ability to shape the way you feel. It's just not meant to be, but that does not change the fact that at some point, in some period of time, it happened.

I'm like a tidal wave; I come and go. And you're the shoreline, trying hard to hold on to something that's backing away, realizing that it took pieces of you as it left.