Little brother says:
In my next Mine Craft project will be Mongolian themed,
I'm going to build a big compound and fill it full of factory machinery.

I remember a boy,
     he had blond hair and blue eyes.
When I was eleven,
       heasked me to go on a date,
                   I had never been on a date before...
We went to the movies,
        I dont remember much about it.
Only the feeling of nervousness
         in my tummy.
It wasn't like the nervousness
       I got when I was older though.
It was the blushing,
          silly,
              tripping over feet
                  and head butting each other when trying to kiss
                       kind of nervousness.
I think the movie we saw was Cars
       and he may have tried to hold me hand once.

The part I remember the most,
        was when we were in his room,
              and my head was resting on his tummy,
                   and we were looking at eachother
                       with a fondness in our eyes
                              I have rarely seen,
                                  maybe never.
And I could hear his tummy making noises,
                    and it sounded like
when you put your ears beneath the water in the bathtub,
     and you hear everything that isn't normally there.
I started to fall asleep,
       with my face still on his soft tummy,
           and I think he was still looking at me.
My last thought before drifting off was;
    
       'His tummy is kind of like mine,
                 bigger than most,
         but really soft and comforting,
          the perfect tummy to fall
                      asleep on.'
                       .................

I remembered you today,
        boy with the blond hair and blue eyes.
I remembered how we went on a date,
               my first date,
                  and how your tummy matched mine.
I remembered how my father said;
           'What a cute, fat little couple'
And how I didn't know how to deal with that,
             how I didn't know how to tell you,
                  so I didn't tell you anything...
I wonder how much would have changed,
           if you would have been,
                instead of him.

I even remembered your name today,
               *it was Jacob

Those starting over points,
        when we need to try,
                  something new.
We didnt even know what that meant,
             but we still tried.
And when the combination of friends
      that we spent
               every
                  waking
                     moment
                         with
                             got old, we decided it was time,
                                    time for that something new.
We were like bad 90's T.V. shows to each other.
  We would laugh and feel that bitter sweet sense of Nostalgia,
       but when we parted ways we would all just realize,
           that we were just trying to make the past real again.
Make those endless nights
    linger a little longer.
Make the kisses
    mean a little more.
       ......
All we were ever doing was fooling ourselves,
        into thinking we were alive.
           Into thinking we were in love.
                Into thinking we were friends.
And when that fact became too noticeable,
            we would switch,
                 rearrange,
                        and trade each other for another,
                             hoping that the one that left took the loneliness that haunted us all with them,
                                  and the one that arrived brought the love we were all searching for with them.
                                                      .....­but is always came back.....
For me,
            I would notice when they started looking at me different,
                      as if they knew something they thought they shouldn't,
                               knew something that I didn't know.
And responses
           would get short,
    conversations
          would cease to be interesting,
and then one day I would come by unannounced,
                just like all the other times,
and find everyone there,
       laughing together
          looking happier than they had in weeks.
In that moment before I walked in,
       everything was okay again,
           everything was normal,
               the loneliness had left.
Then when I walked into the room,
  it was as if I I had just caught my love in bed with someone else,
         a 'hand-in-the-cookie-jar' kind of moment.
I had become the bearer of all of their loneliness,
     I had become the mirror reflecting the empty room
               that they were always trying to fill.
So in this moment,
     I would make one of two decisions;
                 leave
                   or sit down as if nothing was wrong,
                       and spend the nest week proving my worth
                            to a tribe who had already voted me off the island.
And part of me wants to say it wasn't just me,
               that others would know exactly what I meant,
                       what I had felt,
          but for the sake of the feelings,
                 of the reality
                       of
                         that
                             moment,
            when I was the only one,
                  and no one else wanted to feel it,
                       that is where I want to be right now,
                            so that it can be felt,
                               so that after this,
                                    noone and nothing
                                          can ever trap me there again.

I feel very stuck sometimes,
between stubbornness and pride.
That when I look into their eyes,
I feel like I am feeling shamed,
  but that isn't mine,
    that isn't now,
      it was them
         and it was then.
I feel like a small child,
digging my heels into a non-existant ground,
  because I did something wrong,
     and won't give into admitting it.
Than it comes back to my current self,
  the one that was and yet still kind of is.
   and I rip the demon from my back,
     and pray that when I am vulnerable next,
        it won't come back for seconds.
But I know it will,
  until I am strong enough to make it not,
    but until then,
       I still have Them,
          the ones that will protect me the way no one else would,
             the ones that love me the way that they didn't.
But now I am here,
  still not quite sure what that means,
     but one day I will,
       and I will be that girl I saw in the double reflection of the glass door.

Divinity,
literally meaning "A godlike state of being"

So when it is questioned,
           where is your divinity?
All that needs to be remembered is that we are god like,
     we were made from the bones of the Earth
        and became the protectors of this domain.
  not that we've done the best at protecting it up till now
We were born within divinity,
       and the only time the God Light stops shining upon us
                 is when we forget how divine We really are.
            And it never really stops shining,
      we just turn our faces to the darkness.
Divine is taking two parts of the whole and joining them together at last.
                the Divine Male and the Divine Female,
                       have we all just assumed that they use this word for the funsies?
                                                               HA!
Togeather the two halves make the whole of our beings,
             creating the 'godlike' selves incarnated upon the physical plane.
For when we are within the in between,
           we can freely choose the *** of the next body,
                 meaning that we are sexless entities,
                       with that balance within our souls
                           that fill us with the life force of the Gods!
                        We are free to sway to and frow
                  within this omnipresent universe,
            but are still capable of taking form,
     and polarizing to one *** or the other.
Well, most of us that is ;D
     As long as no part of us is trapped within denial,
                          denial of the self,
                                       of the other,
                                            and of our own Divinity on this plane of being.
We must embrace the Mother within us,
     as well as the Father within us,
              and then we shall understand the Yin and the Yong,
                                                                  Black and White,
                                                         Space and Light.
We will be able to open the Space for the true Light to come through us,
              filling the Void that is the Mother.
                   beauty radiating and reflecting from our eyes into one anothers',
                                   and then we will understand love.
                    And we will finally be able to look into each others eyes,
                                   and see ourselves for the first time

No matter what I do
       it happens again.
I start to think of a starfish,
       and his eyes come to mind.
Who is he?
        I don't really know,
         most of the time he has
                brown eyes.
           But it seems to be whoever
             I happen to fancy at that time.
And its not as if that is seldom,
      because I seem to find beauty in almost everyone I am around.

But with this, how am I supposed to let him come to me,
                when even though I am not looking
                                     I see potential.
They are all so beautiful.

his hair
                       his writing
     his literacy
                                               his coherency
his incarnation into his body

And the thing that makes me pause?
         makes me wonder?

space
              distance
                                understanding
                                                             intent
                                                                           origin
All things that must be considered...

Are you up for the task?
      Up for the unbending intent
              and the unwavering eyes.

Most of us know what love feels like,
               at least the physical/emotional level,
but can you tell me what it looks like,
               and what it does?

Can you tell me something I don't already know.
         Not a fact but a truth?

Can you show me that you're Him,
     without even trying,
         without it being the goal?

This is what I want.
       I want the world,
I want Him,
       to be with Her,
            and for us to be the vessels of that love.

Can you give me eternity,
        without thinking it impossible?

Can you look into my eyes,
     and I into yours,
          and both see the trauma and the lies,
                    but to also see the truth that lies behind?
And can we battle the demons inside,
      to find that truth,
           to know that truth.
Will you destroy hordes of demons with me,
           and stand victorious by my side?
Will you push off from shore towards battle,
           and fight the very gods
             to find me once more?
Will you travel to the beginning
               of Thyme
   to find each and every form
      that love had ever taken?
Will you love me,
        in every form that I take
                  that is Her?
Will you embrace every form
         that He has taken,
             and see yourself
                  for the portal of divinity that you are?
Will you travel to the end of the Earth,
          just to find a letter that says:
                *Keep Looking

Flies killed: 56

Origin: Unknown

Report:
Base sealed all day, no possible point of entry. Flies, where you come from?!

Hypothesis:
Flies used means of Spontaneous Generation to enter my room.

Aristotle:1
Pasteur:0

1 fly remains, doom is coming to you my four legged foe!

He pointed a gun at me,
      not to any place in particular,
He looked at me,
      with a smile that would befit a greedy king.
They shot me,
      in places I wouldn't die from.
Then he took me,
     and tried to force himself into me.
I smiled then,
     and laughed as if it were fun.
He was taken aback then,
     because I had shown him,
       what he had become.
I even kissed him once,
      and the passion in his mouth
          told that he thought he had found his one.
....
Then that girl walked in,
    unaware of the folly that had begun.
The one with small hips,
        and a disconnect from he base chakra,
                 that she insisted she had.
That is why she saw nothing amiss,
         in the scene that lay before her.
Then her other side kicked in,
         like a bad cut displaying the side effects
               of a life of imbalance and self deceit.
And she wanted him for herself.

      ....my god this girl is going to get us both killed.

I demanded she leave,
       with a force in my voice she would never know,
she looked at me as if I were selfish...

        ....maybe I should leave and let her stay -_-
                                
                   ....no, this has to end.

When she left,
             he returned,
                  and I layed back down with him,
                           and held him like his mother never did..
He met the mother that day,
         when he was pulled through the void,
               he returned back home,
                    and was held the whole way.
Then I was left,
       sitting alone and naked on the bed,
               with the warm Light
                     of the spring day
                          shining through the bay windows
                              to the East of Enlightenment.
                                     silently pulling the stray bullets,
                                                   out of my soft flesh.

That night that you ****** me like a *****,
your final dream came true.
You became the man,
that no girl ever wants to meet.
I did the only thing I knew how to do,
when I wanted to forget.
My stomach full of wine,
making my eyes believe that he
was you.
I was angry and thirsty when I awoke.
Her refrigerator only had 3 things in it,
alcohol, cold water and old cheese.
When I looked up,
you were standing there
looking at me with those big brown eyes.
You looked as sad as I felt,
tragedy was written on your face.
And your arms stretched out to meet my broken heart.
When we layed back down,
to the places that we should,
you looked so soft in comparison,
to the boy I layed beside.
When you invited me to lay with you,
your voice was so much softer,
than it had been in recent weeks.
I wanted to know why...
Why you were doing that.
Giving me that look,
with those eyes that I wanted to badly
to see me again.
...
You told me that you loved her,
and that you still cared for me.
Then you ****** me like a *****,
on our best friend's hallway floor.
And when I said I love you,
you looked at me with that same hallow stare,
from the week before.
...you said nothing...
All of the things I wanted to say,
and all the things I still do,
were trapped in the walls of that apartment,
and in the walls of our wombs,
that you deny you have.
And that night you became the man,
that you never wanted to be.
And I became the *****,
that made that okay.

You are lost,
not only to me
but to yourself,
your Soul is lost.
And from the choices
    you have made
        you must wander.
The perfect ending to that Book,
      you Will never write
For you no longer have the Will.
...
Or maybe you never had it,
for your Choice was taken,
when that man took you,
the one your mother thought to be true.
And any ounce of it you gained,
   to yet another man
         it was lost.
Not stolen,
but given freely,
because things are only taken from those,
who will not give them up.
For by the time you fancied a man,
you had already resigned to the fate put upon you.
You had given up,
that was when you lost It.
You had a choice,
when you were old enough,
you had the choice to grieve and heal,
that little girl inside of you,
but instead you decided to recreate him
in every man you ever met.
...
So now you will wander,
up and down
that old forgotten sidewalk.
That once led to the house,
you could never make a home.

Do you remember?
every speck on every page that surrounded your mother when you were born.
Do you remember?
the first time your father said you would only amount to something like him.
Do you remember?
every kiss and every hug that your pores have ever soaked up.
Do you remember how to love?
You have so many walls that I just want to tear down....
                                                        ­                                      down....
                  ­                                                                 ­                         down....
But don't call me a hypocrite,
I never know what I am going to say next,
and when I do it never comes out quite right.
I love the feeling of your toes,
when they rest on the fresh grass
of the spring time.
And your eyes that sparkle red
in the light of mine casting shadows on the night.
When you give me that look,
that I am doing too much of trying to hard
I laugh because I would try so much harder for you.
But that look is for me to get and not for you to explain.
And maybe I don't need to try so **** hard,
but I will anyways.
And I love the way you kiss me,
with your eyes closed deep shut.
Your love is like a tower and
I feel inclined to rise above it.
I allow myself to feel these feelings,
they teach me what love means,
and what it is not.
You are my best friend and
my one and only love.
There are words written in the stars
with the illumination of the reflections of our eyes
that tells the story of our lives.
I love you so much I want to scream about it,
I breath it.
I heard once that love is not a game of show and tell,
and finding out how many times they fell.
It is the thing that makes you lose your breath
then they breath on you.
that smell

There is no time for second guessing
no more time for games and questions.
The only time there is,
its the time to love you here and now,
and to scream our names into the clouds
to hear the angels sing aloud
and to watch our lives live on for now
I love you so much I can feel it in my fingernails,
the electric shock of your body touching mine.
Can I show you right here and now
that all there things are here for us
and love is a blanket for us to rest
upon a mountain safe at last
for nothing else but birds to hear.
I will be there standing so bright and tall.
I stand as a goddess awaiting a god,
at the edge of a forest
in a meadow full of clues...
I fallow them to pass the time,
I find treasures and feathers
and leaves painted with dew.
Until He arrives in your form
and the love we feel make the
mountains shake
and I take the kisses from your lips
that drip upon the Earth,
but not without a whisper
thank you...
that just might slip.

Hidden away
within the forest walls
protect me my trees
and the tall Grandfather,
staring down at me.
Was this meant to be?
Some great lesson within
the confines
of the spaces between leaves.
The family of deer,
greeting me at the first Entrance.
Beauty behold,
these magnificent pillars,
who ungrudging hold up the heavens.
Was that the true treasure?
The forest was witness to the bond.
My best friend,
thank you.
Thank you Grandfather tree,
for guarding and protecting,
as the goddesses and gods,
play among the forest floor.
Thank you to the gnomes and faeries,
for taking care,
of the love sealed withing a wooden box.
Thank you Ganesh,
for being the trusty and honorable
guard at the gates,
at the ceremony of love
and adventure.

All these things said,
and the meaning lost through age.
No matter how many times I said,
it was always just your best.
Was it really?
Could you really do no more.
From helping your parents,
to taking in more children,
was it your own way of making your dreams come true?
Always looking for that one true one,
that you could lay down with at night and nussle into her breast,
and be woken by little children,
all calling you daddy.
I believe that I was nothing more,
than a possibility
for you to have your dreams.
And yet, at every turn you took,
didn't it seem like my intention was quite the opposite.
The words that came through,
were word so true,
that your broken heart could not contend.
Why are you still here,
none of these people really love you.
You always said that I only loved you for the things that you did for me,
well my friend,
that became your self-fulfilled prophesy.

I once had a dream of my own,
that had you in it.
It was a dream of a family,
a community of all different blood.
That I had my own children,
and you gave them piggy back rides.
You taught them to learn,
and to love themselves.
You were the great protector,
and the honored elder.
You spent your days free,
with nothing left to bother.
Your hair grew long and your smile was bright.
The light in your eyes,
shown through any dark night.
I was safe to know that you were at peace,
and my children loved their grandpa.

Somewhere though,
you let that smile face.
The light in your eyes that I love as a child,
had all sunk down inside.
There wasn't much left of you.

You know the only times I've seen you cry,
is when you told me that great grandma was going to die.
And then again when you told me that I was.
Your sobs were strange,
very unique.
It felt as if the knot in your belly
got stuck in your throat.
And all of the feelings you were told you dont have,
began to fill the mote.
Surrounding your castle,
with terrifying crocodiles,
leaving the lonely old king,
to drown in his sorrows.
Often time I would try and cross the waters,
and tear down the door.
But then you would tell me that it was not my pain to endure.

That would have made sense,
if it had not been for the hateful words,
and the visions of a weak and brittle core.
Your crocodiles bit me,
they tried to make me so weak that I could not open that door.
Is that why you cried,
when you thought I would be no more?
Did you realize,
so long ago,
on some lost forgotten shore,
that I was the only one that loved you,
and that I planned to save us both.
That was my mission,
when I came here from space,
was to give you a second chance,
it was not her that healed your body,
it was I who changed your fate.
But you can only lead a human to salvation,
you cannot make him accept it as real.

Is the fact that I'm alive proof enough for you?
That I survived that toxicity,
and came out more beautiful than all of you.
That feeling that you had,
deep inside your gut,
the night I came through,
to be your little girl.
It felt like you might die,
that your heart had had too much,
but that warmth all around it,
helped you to not yet give up.
I came to you in a dream,
my existence was not for real.
It was simply a vision,
of what could have been.
Now you have waken up,
and you have a new child.
She has black hair and blue eyes,
but one day it will be blond.
So helpless and loving,
how did she get here?
It's time to be that father,
that you always wanted to be,
with the sweet woman,
in the kitchen making breakfast for three.
Your house is simple,
a little cabin in the woods.
Now lay down in the life you see now,
and awaken into this one.
It can be any time you want,
but just know that there is nothing left for you here.

Thank you, so much.
Thank you for the ;long nights and for rubbing my tummy when the 'medicine' hurt.
For loving me when no one else did, when I didn't even love myself.
For being my friend above all else,
and telling me I wasn't really bald, and my little whispies of hair counted.
For seeing the reality of that family, and still accepting me.
Thank you for being my love, and showing me what it was like to be that close to someone.
And for allowing me to get that close to you.
For exploring the forests of our hearts, and laughing with the trees and the mermaids.
I love our time together so very much, even if it didn't last as long as we'd hoped.
Forever is all a matter of perception, as are many other things.
Life is pretty amazing when you step back for a few minutes.
When you realize that we are all part of something much larger,
and our faces are merely a reflection
of something much brighter than the flicker that we are,
you start to realize that everything has meaning,
and nothing has meaning.
Love is real,
but then its not.
You realize the colossal paradox that we live in.
And yet with the sharp edges and the strange turns,
its all so very beautiful.
So with all this in mind, it has been nice entertaining the thought of why we meet one another,
how we converse and interact with each other,
or why we do at all.
It has brought me into the realm of realizing that there has to be a reason,
but then on the same thought that maybe it doesn’t have a reason and its all for nothing.
So if we go down the path of life being what we make it,
and this is our world that we create as we go along,
then wouldn't it just so much more magical that this all wasn't for nothing,
and that even if we don't see any logical reason,
that there is probably so sort of grandiose unseen happenings surrounding your decisions.
Now isn't that frightening.
That every action that you take has a consequence and you effect everything around you!
But this is the time to take action,
not let it control you.
Take it and run with it, learn new things and never let that stress of the world weigh you down.
Your only as old as you say you are.

Are you ready?

To see me, to see your own reflection within my eyes,

and to accept the truth that defies all lies.

What do that word mean,

to be a sister?

Is it something in the air,

or did I miss that lesson?

I've never had one of those,

so I don';t quite know.

From what I have seen,

you don't know anymore than I do.

Would you like to figure that out with me?

I feel it might be fun.

Hard at first,

but walls are made of stone and the elements of the heart wear them down and show their true nature,

rock

mortar

and dust that has accumulated from a forgetful past.

Does it really all matter that much?

Words said and lost.

Have you ever seen it as all a big game,

that only some know that rules,

and those some are so old when they finally understand it,

that they are left with nothing to play for other than everyone elses chips.

Take them and run,

and weep for the lost life hidden between blank pages.

To have not loved,

touched,

felt

and admired.

The only thing left is to count the chips stolen from cradles of the south,

and know that they were right,

and no one can ever challenge them again.


…

It isn't much of a fight when your all alone with only the voices in your head to talk to.


What I do know is that I am learning,

I am growing every day,

and in many ways I am shrinking,

down down down.

Soon I will be able to crawl into a mans arms and feel safe,

cradled to sleep to the rhythm of his heart beat.

No more worries of pain,

for no one can hurt me the way that they did.

And no one can hurt fire.

With its spindling finger that caress the dark oak.

Trees that have been long rooted,

stuck in their fixed position and un-budging.

Fire kissed them to sleep with the tongues of yellow, as the forest burns to the ground.


I was told that when someone has dug themselves a hole, and have yet to ask for help,

to leave them be,

they are content in their misery.

And who are you to expect any more of them,

look at you all high and mighty with your chariot of truth.

Leave us be and go back home,

your just like Her,

they always said.


Well yes,

I am as a matter of fact.

I am just like Her,

inside of me there lies a slumbering dragon,

kept at bay with the protective armor put on top of my bones.

It was sound insulation,

protecting the dragon from the bitter cold that was spewed all around.

Once in the safety of a home,

the layers and layers we mined,

chipped off one by one,

and with each falling flake there was a scream from within,

a scream of a little girl that so one answered.


As the layers shrank and the sound barrier was weaker,

the great dragon awoke and reacted to the screams of the innocence that was being *****.

“It must be time” the dragon said

“to rain fire through the land.”

But the demons were gone,

and the ghosts were no more.

Save one,

the spirit of the little girl.

The dragon curled around,

this little thing, and layed softly down its head.

“Your safe now little one”

and squeezed her tighter to her heart,

I am here to protect you, and no one shall ever harm you again.


This dragon was protection, for if anything had gone wrong,

but protection never seems to come,

in the way it “should”

it came after the venom had burned the flesh and broken the bones,

after the flower was defiled and the men had all went home,

after there was nothing left and nothing to come,

and the young woman curled up onto the shelf,

and closed her eyes safe at last.

There was nothing left that had not been done.


But then there was another,

a young man who wandered out of the war.

He picked her up,

and carried her home.

He washed the dust from her face,

that had rested there from the shelf.

Bathed her clean,

and brushed her hair.

When she awoke,

the breathed the air.

Something was different,

something was new.

Many others were there,

all with kind faces.

And a sweet boy in the back came close and whispered

'Waloo'



And so now,

it was time to cry.

For that was the only way,

the dragon would open its eyes.

And she cried and raged,

and each layer fell.

Bestowing a radiant beauty,

with blue eyes and curly hair.

The name did not fit,

the name of an angel.

An angel sent from heaven,

to fulfill a wish,

and not loved and honored,

must then take other forms.

And this form is warm,

and this form is green.


A dragon within,

radiating warmth

and green in the surface,

inviting love and nothing else.

So yes,

I am just like Her.

My Mother,

The Mother.


So take my hand and love me now,

for who and whet I am.

Do not persist that you think you know,

for who are you to judge.

There is nothing left to fight for now,

all the angels have been silenced.

The only ones left are you and I...

You requested room be made,

and there is plenty of room for love.

That dragon still awaits,

the day that may still come,

that the creatures who tortured that little white spirit,

will get what they deserve.

But that is a battle that will be left to the spirits,

as they say.


As for you and I,

and me and you,

just know that the road wont be smooth.

The fire has sparked,

and the truth will be spoken.

But it is truly all up to you,

what that word means and how you will choose to give it meaning.

There is nothing else left for me to do.

So many have written of love,
what it looks like
feels like
tastes like
and sounds.
It is seemingly timeless.
With no end,
and an unimaginable beginning....

Love  is the knowledge that when you return,
there is a Home waiting for you.
Fire burning.
smells of bread baking
and soup simmering.
That no matter how far you have gone,
or how gray your hair has grown,
there is still those eyes,
that are meant for no one but you.

It is the fire that drives me,
that has the power to warm another,
or destroy them.

The wind that carries the special words,
spoken through whispers on the full moon.
Carried to the one true one,
that the heart desires.
...
Can you hear them?
...
The Earth,
the temple of the Mother,
the one true love
Constantly awaiting the day when her love comes back to her,
fills in the space between the Earth and the Sky.


Love does not bind,
it does not chair is down.
It frees us so that we may go on that journey,
the the warrior within,
and go to the ends of the Earth to find ourselves,
only yo return home again,
to find those knowing eyes,
still awaiting your return.
The eyes that already know all of the things,
you spent your life trying to figure out.

Word unspoken
yelps ignored
Will it be time.
with the coming sunrise.
i will be there,
I am already here.
Sweet boy,
sweet girl.
You are children,
as wise as the ancient Sun.
as quiet as the ageless Moon.
I feel it may be time,
and if that is so,
I will remember you in the place
of pixie dreams
the space where all magic resides,
and innocence is tender and whole.
You will reside there, within my awareness
until you are ready to be your again,
and are given life from the Moon

You cannot escape that air bubble
in the top of the tea bag
Go ahead and try,
you little one mad gypsy show.
Prove it wrong,
and slap that smug look
off the stone face of Time.
Now go home and enjoy,
your little circle **** within your own head
that you were right
and there is no god.
Its all in your head
whispers the priestess to your Tech,
he controls your thoughts
and monitors your escape

Go ******* some more,and spill yourself
on the floor of your room.
That was the last of your soul,
now lick t up and weep for the days that your were wrong.

Its about Time you knew
who your real father was
He was the preacher from church
he got turned on when I confessed.
He was the only one who would listen!
You have to FORGIVE ME!
but isnt that what he was for?
and now the ******* of the church
has the right to forgive

Now take that .22
says the little man in your head
I live right here
between your green eyes
pull the trigger
and pop goes your head...
Are you right now?
finally got some peace and quiet...
Now think of what you've done,
made a mess of the wall.
Someone's going t have to clean that up, you know?
How very uncouth of you...
But I shall forgive you, my son.

It's not a sin, my daughter, it's not a sin
says the preacher as he wipes her lips dry.

Either this stump is getting warmer
or I have just stopped breathing
A ghostly feeling,
what is this body?
He strokes the fur
of the ageless cat
And drinks the sweet Nectar of Time
from her ripe and supple ***.
Will it ever be Time?
This body isn't really here,
You self-indulgent ****
but that stone is here
the one the colour of blood
and the heart shaped ones
that you carried around your neck...
We eat such things here
crunch
crunch
crunch
You don't have a clue
when and where you are,
all you have is a book of square numbers,
and a circle of dots.
Do you remember that place between world,
that place you still remember breathing?
Turn on the fans
and your bright red television,
its time to wake up,
and realize every breath
every step
that your grandfather took
never really happened.
It was something you made up
for your own sick satisfaction
and the cancer is your stomach
was just another weak transaction.
be there now
in the space between time
But would you,
could you even be?
Not with that fat head on your shoulders
or that **** in your pants
It's time to evolve
and you have decided
**that this is your one LAST CHANCE

Memories
Memories
spinning r
                   o    n  
             u        u     d
           o            n      .
              r       d          .
                  &                .
There isn't enough room
in such a small little town.
I've slept there
ate there
Loved here
So many
that they begin to over lap
get fuzzy and muddled...
What happened there?
I've been in the house.
I lived there once
Someone needs to....
burn it down.
Release what is trapped,
free up some ******* space
There is nothing let to
see
to love
to hear
Nowhere left to sleep,
that has yet to be slept upon.

Wont you release yourselves,
and let the poor la(n)d rest...

It doesn't matter much anymore,
your silhouettes will be burnt to the walls,
and soon it will all be
forgotten...
For what is a memory,
*that no one remembers?

A kiss
A hug
a touch
What do they all mean?
They don't mean anything,
you give them meaning.
They are feelings expressed through
finger tips
lips
bodies.
Be there when it happens,
the face of a man coming close
to You.
I giggled,
you might too.
But even after the excitement
and the shared glance and curling of a smile.
When all the blood
rushes to your Heart,
and shocks your toes.
It still has no definition,
no defining meaning behind it.
It is something to be
felt
expressed
and understood
But how can one understand
something the is so far from understanding
that you feel it in your finger nails?
You can't,
you must simply open up to the
Experience
Be there,
don't think about anything else,
Simply Be....

isn't that what we agreed upon?

We
You
I
It is all a reflection.
The pond ripples
and we feel the Earth
tremble.
Our body changes
and frequencies are radiated
But the tree stands tall
and strong
unchanged by the waves of the world
constantly staring at Himself
through the looking glass of the water.
He is eternal,
unchanging
However,
when the reflection does something
extraordinary
His heart swells
and the feeling goes
D
     O
        W
            N
through His roots
reaching into the pond
and releasing his love
into the world
and into each reflection...

*This is where Spring was born

The towers and bricks
standing tall like headstones
Air thick with smog
driving...
driving...
cars.
metal contraptions
are you driving it?
or is it driving you?
conform to the cement
the graveyard.
Accept it,
move with it.
2 hour parking
or else you'll get a 'ticket'
TICK-IT
Put a Tick on It
**** the life
out of it.
Tick Tock Tick Tock
oh the broken clock
of Time.
You had better find it,
where is that ticking coming from?
from the broken clock
of a broken world
that covers its life
in cement and plastic
And oh the broken people
who run round-and-round it
keeping the hands ticking with the strength
of their backs.
Never let it stop
Says the voice
never let it die
without time where
would we be?
Would we Be?
Go chase your clock
and your lost broken
time,
but try no to forget,
he said,
that you make it real
You make the time.
This is all just a game
and your village is on fire...

Getting enthralled with
you beauty...
Is it even possible?
I lose my breath
and catch my heart.
When I look at you
there is something more
just beneath the surface
lives lived and lost
loves loved and passed
They would say it is your blood
showing through your cheekbones
and your indifference to me
that you have fought many battles
loved many fragments of a whole
That my powers will not work on you,
and yet I have no urge to test this statement
to prove it wrong
Because even if I could
I would not want to
For when I use that shadow
it is to get something that I want
But I do not want you
for if I did I would have you,
or rather the product of my interference
upon you
which wouldn't be you at all.
However,
I do desire you
and I plan to live up to that desire.
To come into alignment
with what I already have.
I already have you,
right next to me
Watching each other grow
exploring
learning
playing
and yes,
even loving
And yet your beauty
still throws me off balance
Like the green hills of
Ireland
fog billowing over the moss on the rocks..
I can smell the ocean breeze
and feel the mist on my cheeks
but I cannot see it yet,
it is somewhere else
collecting itself
tending to the life within.
All I see is the fog
rolling all around me
the condensation in the air
All I can feel is the
moss
beneath my bare feet,
and the kiss of the breeze upon my lips,
showing me a small fraction of what it will be like
to kiss you.

To be comfortable in your own
skin.
With family,
and alone.
With your brother,
or sister
and love
To be one
in an endless space
of now
Be near me my friend
never leave my side
I have never known
a friend like you.
So near
and so understanding
now that I have found you
I can be me
and there is no one
who can ever separate us again

I hear you playing your box with strings
ever so faintly
its beautiful to imagine
with each passing day
who you will be at the coming sunrise...

Play
Play fast and hard
your soul wouldn't have it any other way
Love
Love slow and innocent
the way that everyone needs
Be
Be you
the way that no one else can be

Consume those who share your essence
Let us evolve so no one can consume us...

On one hand we play as children do,
On the other we work the heavy magic of our past,
On our heads we hold and ego and an antenna,
And in our hearts we hold ourselves

When you leave them
walking from their house
that you once lived
those words left to say
the one promise that they need to hear
the one promise that you know
you can never keep
Why do they need to hear it?
To reassure them that you are not
gone...
That they are not
Alone
But he is alone
his spirit called
and he never answered the phone
The opportunity of love
acceptance
beauty
All of it was inside of him
and the spirit inside of him
was his portal to See
to Love
to Be
I cannot fill his void
I cannot be his soul

Ode to the forest
its infinate wonders
the womb of the Mother
sanctuary of the Ouroboros
growth and decomposition
life and return
I feel at one with you
free to explore the inner
most reaches of myself
with no one around
*but I am never alone...

He glances over his shoulder, asking if I really wanted to know. With a lift of an eyebrow, and a curl of his lips, I lay there, shocked yet again. So many things do those brown eyes hold.
What do my eyes hold?
He is beauty, in male form,
without any clauses,
Yet so unsure
"Am I really as beautiful as you say?
I don't know, am I?
Yes to both,
and yes again.
So many things await
those who know the balance
of when to wait
and when to *Fly....

I am afraid
that you will want
to leave
not necessarily the act
of leaving
but the desire to
you are so beautiful
and often times I cannot decide
if I am talking to you
or myself
We have lived many lives
danced beneath many moons
and have been
Watch me shine,
my divine

Sorrow
then Panic
shortly after
they were saved
What does it mean to be
saved?
Once you have been thrown
into the fire
the chaos
then for the thrower
to save you?
'I'm sorry'
echoes through the wals
of your self-preservation
then to say a prayer
hoping for you to see
better days
It was just a baby
lying with its grandmother
of a different kind
and all I could say
'I'm sorry'
...
and pray
for *better days

Innocence
beauty
that is what we are
ultimate enlightenment
clarity
beauty, yet again
that is what we are
the figure of a man
so beautiful
and the first thought
is one I felt during
the split
between natural
and should
It was so absolutely
beautiful
I just want to
draw it
examine it
praise it
Not hide from it
feeling ashamed
scared
turned.
I know what I believe
I believe that I love
am tender
forgiving
I wish
*to love

The mirror effect
reflection of what and who
you are
whether it is an
emotion
thought
mind-set
the mirror only knows
how to reflect
to show an image that is
presented
I looked straight into that mirror
the mirror that takes
the rhythms
of the
universe
And she reflected
my denial
of my infatuation
with the man of the
light
comfort
safety
that reflection
made me
angry
furious
disgusted
disappointed
...
I am only
human
this is yet another
process
in my evolution
I am real
He is real
It is real
but none of it it
whole

I see you
when you stare at the roses,
have counsel with the tomatoes
get lost in your thoughts
and fall in love with my words
A small child
unsure of himself
infatuated with the world
searching for
safety
love
appreciation
Then again
I have never had conflict with seeing
others
as beautiful as it is
every time
Now is my time to see myself
to observe
fall in love with
be near
myself
I will see you on the other side
in the time where we will
see
eachother

Resolution
the feeling of freedom
from a constant thought
or reality
I burned them
walking calmly to the box
I removed them
without another thought
I stepped to the fire
one
by
one
I cast the memories in
The other life
There is no room here for them
they do not belong here
just as I have never
belonged
been wanted
or accepted
THERE
It is gone
and now I am free t
cast my thoughts
to the stars
and Be

I was there
in the world of
hate
discust
abandonment
and lies.
He was there
a man of care
understanding
safety
and dreams
To be back in the world
if only for an hour
there is no question
where the sickness came from
All of those vampires
with their tentacle stare
couldn't help themselves
when they were tempted
with my beautiful air.
To be put back
into the world I escaped
was a fate worse than death
And for my man of the light
to be a villain of the night
was something even worse still.
That looming presence
of someone there that is gone
was what morphed my sweet dream
into the nightmare
And for his light to be
snuffed out
with nothing left to illuminate
save their reflection.
That was all he was
in that moment
was a mirror
reflecting the life
the world
the time
that I so grudgingly deny
but so fearfully remember.
The time
when nothing was real
and everything was wrong.
I couldn't bare to go back
so he went instead...
There he embodied
all of the pain that was
and cast it back at me
so that I would never return.

I met him today
At first he was distant,
nothing but darkness
Then he walked slowly
over the hills
That was when he saw me.
Benevolent bursts of love,
affection
adoration
warmth...
I was engulfed with his presence.
All that was left was to give in,
to run to him and cry.
Whither away to nothing in his arms
only ro be born again as a child,
innocent and ignorant to anything
less than this celestial being
holding me
encapsulating me
keeping me safe,
at last.
I am home Father,
raise me up to be as stunning as you,
with your kind face,
and your sun beam hair.

The dance of the souls is something eternal,
Never ending and unclear of when it started.
Beauty in the knowing that two souls can share a harmony,
to be on the same plain at the same Time,
to carry out their dreams together.

Come with me,
to a land so far away from this.
Travel into the mountains with me,
meditate on rocks,
hunt for crystal gardens
and find the gnome villages.
Sleep beneath the stars with me,
and wake to the Father wising.
Let us play as children do,
with no recognition of anything other than
this
here
Now.
Time is eternal for those who live outside of it,
that surf the edges
who disregard it.
Let us play with the Time Keepers,
I hear they get lonely.

Let us make a world of our own,
never upon the basis of 'should'
I want to climb the highest tree,
taste the strangest food,
explore the deepest of caves.
You can too,
if you only make the Time.

Brown eyes,
the caster of my dreams
I've seen you before,
in the space between dreams and memories.
A distant face in the crowd of passerby
too beautiful to forget,
not enough time to remember.
Have we met?
Loved?
Touched?
Tell me in words my thoughts I cannot pronounce.
Weave the web of dreams that we can
line in
love in
BE in
The beauty of your soul is but a reflection of my own.
Where are you now my love,
my caster of dreams
The divines have intertwined our lives,
our universe
We are ONE.
Are you near my love,
have you entered this plain of being,
or are you still trapped within the in-between?
Who was I in the dreams on the dream maker.
What was my impact,
my divine.

Crisp clean enlightenment rushes over my body
The things I once knew are but a distant silhouette within the winds of my past.
A swirling vortex of human consciousness is unfolding and refolding within itself before me,
It is time to come home
a voice whispers from within.
I step to the edge of the cliff
I leap.
Going into a free fall,
Billows of emotion rushing past me,
hitting my mind with the force of a million bricks.
Memories of the other world,
of Their world.
I continue to fall,
the stress of the other variables intertwined with the equations of my life are quickly diminishing.
The guilt of wanting something more turning into dust that coats my body.
I slip weightlessly into the clear waters of salvation,
washing from my body the grime of the day before
awaiting the renewal of the day to come.
My obligations to others and the sins committed to my soul are washed down the stream
I emerge anew.
This is my birth right
my bliss
my Shangri-La
I am home, at last.