He pointed a gun at me,
      not to any place in particular,
He looked at me,
      with a smile that would befit a greedy king.
They shot me,
      in places I wouldn't die from.
Then he took me,
     and tried to force himself into me.
I smiled then,
     and laughed as if it were fun.
He was taken aback then,
     because I had shown him,
       what he had become.
I even kissed him once,
      and the passion in his mouth
          told that he thought he had found his one.
....
Then that girl walked in,
    unaware of the folly that had begun.
The one with small hips,
        and a disconnect from he base chakra,
                 that she insisted she had.
That is why she saw nothing amiss,
         in the scene that lay before her.
Then her other side kicked in,
         like a bad cut displaying the side effects
               of a life of imbalance and self deceit.
And she wanted him for herself.

      ....my god this girl is going to get us both killed.

I demanded she leave,
       with a force in my voice she would never know,
she looked at me as if I were selfish...

        ....maybe I should leave and let her stay -_-
                                
                   ....no, this has to end.

When she left,
             he returned,
                  and I layed back down with him,
                           and held him like his mother never did..
He met the mother that day,
         when he was pulled through the void,
               he returned back home,
                    and was held the whole way.
Then I was left,
       sitting alone and naked on the bed,
               with the warm Light
                     of the spring day
                          shining through the bay windows
                              to the East of Enlightenment.
                                     silently pulling the stray bullets,
                                                   out of my soft flesh.

That night that you ****** me like a *****,
your final dream came true.
You became the man,
that no girl ever wants to meet.
I did the only thing I knew how to do,
when I wanted to forget.
My stomach full of wine,
making my eyes believe that he
was you.
I was angry and thirsty when I awoke.
Her refrigerator only had 3 things in it,
alcohol, cold water and old cheese.
When I looked up,
you were standing there
looking at me with those big brown eyes.
You looked as sad as I felt,
tragedy was written on your face.
And your arms stretched out to meet my broken heart.
When we layed back down,
to the places that we should,
you looked so soft in comparison,
to the boy I layed beside.
When you invited me to lay with you,
your voice was so much softer,
than it had been in recent weeks.
I wanted to know why...
Why you were doing that.
Giving me that look,
with those eyes that I wanted to badly
to see me again.
...
You told me that you loved her,
and that you still cared for me.
Then you ****** me like a *****,
on our best friend's hallway floor.
And when I said I love you,
you looked at me with that same hallow stare,
from the week before.
...you said nothing...
All of the things I wanted to say,
and all the things I still do,
were trapped in the walls of that apartment,
and in the walls of our wombs,
that you deny you have.
And that night you became the man,
that you never wanted to be.
And I became the *****,
that made that okay.

You are lost,
not only to me
but to yourself,
your Soul is lost.
And from the choices
    you have made
        you must wander.
The perfect ending to that Book,
      you Will never write
For you no longer have the Will.
...
Or maybe you never had it,
for your Choice was taken,
when that man took you,
the one your mother thought to be true.
And any ounce of it you gained,
   to yet another man
         it was lost.
Not stolen,
but given freely,
because things are only taken from those,
who will not give them up.
For by the time you fancied a man,
you had already resigned to the fate put upon you.
You had given up,
that was when you lost It.
You had a choice,
when you were old enough,
you had the choice to grieve and heal,
that little girl inside of you,
but instead you decided to recreate him
in every man you ever met.
...
So now you will wander,
up and down
that old forgotten sidewalk.
That once led to the house,
you could never make a home.

Do you remember?
every speck on every page that surrounded your mother when you were born.
Do you remember?
the first time your father said you would only amount to something like him.
Do you remember?
every kiss and every hug that your pores have ever soaked up.
Do you remember how to love?
You have so many walls that I just want to tear down....
                                                        ­                                      down....
                  ­                                                                 ­                         down....
But don't call me a hypocrite,
I never know what I am going to say next,
and when I do it never comes out quite right.
I love the feeling of your toes,
when they rest on the fresh grass
of the spring time.
And your eyes that sparkle red
in the light of mine casting shadows on the night.
When you give me that look,
that I am doing too much of trying to hard
I laugh because I would try so much harder for you.
But that look is for me to get and not for you to explain.
And maybe I don't need to try so **** hard,
but I will anyways.
And I love the way you kiss me,
with your eyes closed deep shut.
Your love is like a tower and
I feel inclined to rise above it.
I allow myself to feel these feelings,
they teach me what love means,
and what it is not.
You are my best friend and
my one and only love.
There are words written in the stars
with the illumination of the reflections of our eyes
that tells the story of our lives.
I love you so much I want to scream about it,
I breath it.
I heard once that love is not a game of show and tell,
and finding out how many times they fell.
It is the thing that makes you lose your breath
then they breath on you.
that smell

There is no time for second guessing
no more time for games and questions.
The only time there is,
its the time to love you here and now,
and to scream our names into the clouds
to hear the angels sing aloud
and to watch our lives live on for now
I love you so much I can feel it in my fingernails,
the electric shock of your body touching mine.
Can I show you right here and now
that all there things are here for us
and love is a blanket for us to rest
upon a mountain safe at last
for nothing else but birds to hear.
I will be there standing so bright and tall.
I stand as a goddess awaiting a god,
at the edge of a forest
in a meadow full of clues...
I fallow them to pass the time,
I find treasures and feathers
and leaves painted with dew.
Until He arrives in your form
and the love we feel make the
mountains shake
and I take the kisses from your lips
that drip upon the Earth,
but not without a whisper
thank you...
that just might slip.

Hidden away
within the forest walls
protect me my trees
and the tall Grandfather,
staring down at me.
Was this meant to be?
Some great lesson within
the confines
of the spaces between leaves.
The family of deer,
greeting me at the first Entrance.
Beauty behold,
these magnificent pillars,
who ungrudging hold up the heavens.
Was that the true treasure?
The forest was witness to the bond.
My best friend,
thank you.
Thank you Grandfather tree,
for guarding and protecting,
as the goddesses and gods,
play among the forest floor.
Thank you to the gnomes and faeries,
for taking care,
of the love sealed withing a wooden box.
Thank you Ganesh,
for being the trusty and honorable
guard at the gates,
at the ceremony of love
and adventure.

All these things said,
and the meaning lost through age.
No matter how many times I said,
it was always just your best.
Was it really?
Could you really do no more.
From helping your parents,
to taking in more children,
was it your own way of making your dreams come true?
Always looking for that one true one,
that you could lay down with at night and nussle into her breast,
and be woken by little children,
all calling you daddy.
I believe that I was nothing more,
than a possibility
for you to have your dreams.
And yet, at every turn you took,
didn't it seem like my intention was quite the opposite.
The words that came through,
were word so true,
that your broken heart could not contend.
Why are you still here,
none of these people really love you.
You always said that I only loved you for the things that you did for me,
well my friend,
that became your self-fulfilled prophesy.

I once had a dream of my own,
that had you in it.
It was a dream of a family,
a community of all different blood.
That I had my own children,
and you gave them piggy back rides.
You taught them to learn,
and to love themselves.
You were the great protector,
and the honored elder.
You spent your days free,
with nothing left to bother.
Your hair grew long and your smile was bright.
The light in your eyes,
shown through any dark night.
I was safe to know that you were at peace,
and my children loved their grandpa.

Somewhere though,
you let that smile face.
The light in your eyes that I love as a child,
had all sunk down inside.
There wasn't much left of you.

You know the only times I've seen you cry,
is when you told me that great grandma was going to die.
And then again when you told me that I was.
Your sobs were strange,
very unique.
It felt as if the knot in your belly
got stuck in your throat.
And all of the feelings you were told you dont have,
began to fill the mote.
Surrounding your castle,
with terrifying crocodiles,
leaving the lonely old king,
to drown in his sorrows.
Often time I would try and cross the waters,
and tear down the door.
But then you would tell me that it was not my pain to endure.

That would have made sense,
if it had not been for the hateful words,
and the visions of a weak and brittle core.
Your crocodiles bit me,
they tried to make me so weak that I could not open that door.
Is that why you cried,
when you thought I would be no more?
Did you realize,
so long ago,
on some lost forgotten shore,
that I was the only one that loved you,
and that I planned to save us both.
That was my mission,
when I came here from space,
was to give you a second chance,
it was not her that healed your body,
it was I who changed your fate.
But you can only lead a human to salvation,
you cannot make him accept it as real.

Is the fact that I'm alive proof enough for you?
That I survived that toxicity,
and came out more beautiful than all of you.
That feeling that you had,
deep inside your gut,
the night I came through,
to be your little girl.
It felt like you might die,
that your heart had had too much,
but that warmth all around it,
helped you to not yet give up.
I came to you in a dream,
my existence was not for real.
It was simply a vision,
of what could have been.
Now you have waken up,
and you have a new child.
She has black hair and blue eyes,
but one day it will be blond.
So helpless and loving,
how did she get here?
It's time to be that father,
that you always wanted to be,
with the sweet woman,
in the kitchen making breakfast for three.
Your house is simple,
a little cabin in the woods.
Now lay down in the life you see now,
and awaken into this one.
It can be any time you want,
but just know that there is nothing left for you here.