One month and 12 days.
Thats how long it took me to cry over you.
I went out dancing and the only guy I could see was you.
I didn't care for the cowboys with their crooked smiles,
or the Fly Boys with their dog tags shown proudly.
All I wanted was you.
I wanted your quiet confidence and concern for my boundaries.
I wanted your tan hands against my pale attempt at rhythm.
I wanted your sweet smile and strong arms.
I wanted your warm scent and crinkled laugh.
But you weren't there.
Where were you?
Were you at a party somewhere trying to ****** another girl?
Were you with the boys chugging warm beer
and crudely mixed drinks?
Were you trying to forget all that we had?
We both know you aren't cut out for that scene,
you won't find what you are looking for.
But I hope you do.
And I hope it's me again.

I am held in the scene by strings,
strings caressing, cutting the city's screams,
screams of jubilation and screams of paranoia,
paranoia at the approaching deadline,
deadlines always on our minds,
mind if I stroll through the wall of hate,
hate from your grey eyes,
eyes framed with your bright blonde hair,
hair that once before was described by my pen.

I killed you in a ****-poor short story.
I gave you a symbolic death.
It was a generous offering of peace.

Redemption earned but already forgotten,
forgotten along with those nostalgic rhymes locked,
locked in tightly formed verses of love poetry,
poetry for a tethered future,
future? Even Zion was built on ruins.

I killed your lover, too.
I sent her up in flame.
It was hard to have a habitual evening.

Come on over,
and we'll craft a new key to the kingdom,
all I want is to cut the seams,
pulverize the patterns,
rewrite the Hamlets and all the works of Hemingway,
what are you doing now?
nothing?
great.
Come on over,
I have a handle of SoCo,
I know it's your favorite,
we'll shoot the **** and
chitty-chat about how
it's so easy to drink.
Come on over,
and brilliant minds
will strum guitars,
**** ivories,
croon with weary pipes,
all in plain sight.
Come on over,
this world wasn't made for us,
so let's force it into submission
with controversy and batshit revelry.
Let's lay on the carpet,
and swoon to the love that courses
in our veins,
let's help me to the tile
when the evening's endeavors come back up,
let's write a new Odyssey,
let's sing a new American anthem,
let's light the apartment on fire,
let's talk about how badass my girlfriend is,
what are you doing right now?
nothing?
great.
Come on over,
and I'll be your slave.
Whip me with criticism and fright,
I'll give comfort and brighten
the corners,
mix you a drink,
play you a Monk tune,
dance like I invented it,
and make you nostalgic for the 70s
like I lived each millisecond of the decade.
What are you right now?
Nothing?
Let's scare the ******,
the politicians,
the folks keeping scores,
the drunkards down the road,
self immolation?
Great.

When you hit the bottom,
come to me,
your world-savvy
Midnight Man.

is a carniverous cemetery,
is a pacifier,
is a ******* on a friday night,
is only enough liquor to get you buzzed,
is a ****** bag cop,
is a church with splintered pews,
is sinners scared shitless,
is a two-year-old with an affinity for violence,
is my ex-girlfriend,
is paranoid,
is a blanket of all your favorite prescription pills,
is worried sorority girls in dark-wash jeans,
is unshaved,
is a cancer,
is a perpetual spell-check,
is lonely,
is my mother
and a god-awful toothache.

I ran into her briefly,
Saturday morning,
while I was coming up,
from the alcohol-laden
Friday night.

Her hair was down.
She said I looked down.
Criss-crossed her arms
about my shoulder blades,
felt them cut into her wrists,
we were at her place.

The dog kept bark-bark-barking,
the fan was roaring, rattling carrying
twenty years of noise,
I asked how her fella was.

"Eh, okay."

"Good okay?"

No response, she asked if I wanted
to watch a Disney movie.
I laughed.
Told her I had to go to a funeral.

"I'm sorry, baby."

"No, biggie. She was old. Expected."

I was sitting on the corner of her bed.
Looking at my depressing hair, and overgrown
scruff in her painted mirror, encrusted with
cheap jewelry, a sea of turquoise and islands of pink.

She put on some deep cuts by The Knife.
That's all The Knife has.
Asked if I liked it.
I said I loved it.

"Good" she grinned as she got up and flipped
the switch.
It didn't darken the room much, given
that it was closing in on 10 a.m.

She walked slowly toward me.
Ran her fingers through her hair.
Her hair was down.
She told me to stop being so down.

"That's all I know," I said with an air of arrogance.

"I'll break that," as she climbed on top of me,
planting her firm buttocks in my lap,
criss-crossed her arms,
about my blades,
told me to touch her thighs.

"I just don't have the time."

"Give me a few minutes, please."

I kissed the intersection of Molly's neck, Molly's ear,
deep exhale,
"I got to go."

"God, okay. Church tomorrow?"

"I doubt it."

When sweet Sara gets to
Heaven to St. Peter
she will say,
not a **** thing,
only run her
tongue along her
full, glossy, ******* lips,
and snare his eyes
with her low-cut, cleavage
boasting blouse.

She'll get it.
*** always sells.