Do you ever have those moments
When life just seems
Too ridiculous to be true
Like you're going to wake up
And everything will have been
Made up
Fictitious
Not real
The last month
No, really
The whole last year
Has me
Feeling like
That

But for one of the first times in my life
It's because
Everything has so perfectly aligned
Fallen into its rightful places
Places I didn't even see
Places that popped up and surprised me
Delighted me
Amazed me
Reminded me why
Life is wonderful

Yes, recently,
Life rocks
I am excessively happy
All the time
The corners of my mouth
Turn down for what?
Nothing.
And no one can take that from me
Because I have a Savior who died for me
I have a God who answers my prayers
Every single day

My circumstances seem confusing
They make no sense on the surface
But deeper, deeper they do
They make all the sense in the world
And deeper,
Deep down inside
I know
I am definitely not dreaming
No, not even close
This is the most authentic,
The most real love
I've ever experienced

All day long
Kids come up to me
Holding up
A ****** elbow
A scraped knee
A paper cut finger
A rug-burned hip
Usually crying
They beg for a band-aid
They want help
Desperately, they sob until
The band-aid is firmly in place
And I've given them a hug
Then they are okay
A smile often returns to their chubby cheeks
I send them off to play again

What I'm wondering is
At what point did I
Stop
When did I stop asking
When was I no longer more than willing to
Cry out for help,
Help that I knew was there and willing

At some point
I decided I would be fine
Walking around
All ******
I convinced myself
Somewhere along the ride
I could make it
Without the band-aid

Everyone is afraid of something
A bit of fear is good, healthy even
But there is a difference between
Being afraid
And allowing fear to
Paralyze you
Yes,
Fear is strong
No one argues that
But when?
When are you going to accept that
Strength is only relative
And you?

**You are stronger

Tonight I went on a run
And as I passed one particular backyard
A giant yellow lab came racing up to meet me
But he was fenced in
No getting out
Upon this realization
He went crazy
He ran
He leaped
He scurried in circles
Desperately attempting to get over that metal cage
He jumped some more
Barking
Yelping
Coming awful close
To freedom
Many times
Never backing down
Never giving up

But then I spotted
You
Laying down in the grass
Far removed from the edges of the yard
No urgency
Just defeat
Large black eyes
Dejected
Head laying against your paws
No noise
No action

It doesn't make sense
I think to myself
Your legs work
I know it
Your voice
It works too
I know it

At least the other dog was
Trying

Will you nail those birds down for me?
My grandma asked
Of course
I answered
Pretty, detailed birds they were
Ceramic, fragile
There was two blue
And two yellow
But as I grabbed one to begin
My hand slid across jagged edges
My fingers slipping inside
What happened to this little guy, Grandma?
Oh, well
The wind wind came up
She said
And knocked him right off
And he just went sailing for the concrete
He hit that cement nice and hard
Broke his wing clear off
Do you still want me to display him?
I asked
Of course
She answered
There is still a lot of life left in him
He is still so beautiful
She explained
Just face that side in
Towards the house
That way only I will see the busted parts

So I did
I turned him
Grabbed my hammer
And nailed him down

There he stood
Rooted to his spot on that deck railing
Bobbing ferociously in the wind

And no one knew
No one noticed the hole in his side
No one saw the damage

I'm afraid too
I afraid that the only thing
Holding me together
Are all the broken pieces

I have spent so much time
Taping the smashed splinters
Into place
I have spent so many hours
Balancing all of the dust particles
On top of each other
Wedging them so carefully
So that each one supports another

I'm afraid that if I pull one out
And show you
They will all come
Tumbling down

You know when the sky turns
Greyish
Your skepticism kicks in
But it's not threatening yet
No, it's not even close to
Black
There is still that comforting
Blue twinge
The clouds are still
Puffy, pretty, perfect
And then
All of the sudden
Tiny drops of water begin to splatter the ground
But, they fall slowly
They aren't big enough to cause alarm
You laugh to yourself
Because this weather
It's comical
It doesn't make any sense
And you reassure yourself
With that very fact
It doesn't make sense
So it will stop
The sky still looks
Stable
The day still looks
Happy
Just a small drizzle
Soon it will dry up
There will probably even be a rainbow
You look forward to this
Beautiful display
Yes, this water
It will go away before we even realize
It's there

But what if those drops don't go away
What happens when the day turns to night
And the dark is electrified by bolts of lightening
So encompassing
You can feel the vibrations
Underneath every piece of skin
What happens when thunder collides with the heavens
Thunder
So deafening
The reverberations bash in the sides of your skull

What happens then?

But I mean
It's a fifty, fifty shot
It could go either way

It could be the edge of a massive storm
Or it could be the edge of
Nothing