Tulipsxnflowers: Poems

Tulipsxnflowers Mar 2015

The first time you told me you loved me,
I was 16.
The first time we ever fought,
I was 18.
The first time you ever punched me,
I was 19.
The last time you ever abused me,
I was 20.
By the time I realized that you were no good for me,
I was 22.

You're like a rose. So beautiful, but oh so painfully hurtful. I never knew that a smile and a kiss could put me under a spell. A spell that would blind me from the pain that would be inflicted onto me.

I had always known that you were bad news,
but I kept coming back for more.
I was slowly decaying into
something I wasn't.

After a while,
I was comatose.
Alive but unconscious.

An open door to the soul

Tulipsxnflowers Mar 2015

An open door to the soul

Why can't I be somebody with potential?
With the sheer willpower to get through anything.
To do anything without fear and refusal.
Why can't I be someone else?
Cause I hate the feeling I get of never being good enough.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
It's like an never ending torture.
Like being stabbed over and over.
It's the feeling of wanting to be thin, wanting to be pretty, wanting to be smart, wanting to desperately be someone you're not.
It's the feeling of wanting to die. cause nothing will ever surmount the hatred I have towards myself. Nothing could ever change how I feel about ME.
And do you know what that is exactly?
A girl who doesn't have a life. WHO doesn't want to try anymore.
A girl who wants to die.

Cause I'm slowly falling and i need someone to catch me

*Blank*

Tulipsxnflowers Mar 2015

*Blank*

be there for me when i start fading.
catch me when i fall
before it's too late.
wrap your hands around me
and bring me close.
whisper in my ear that it will all be fine,
that my life will somehow piece itself back together.
but we both know that's a lie.
Kiss me like there's no tomorrow
and love me to the dearest end.
Make the feeling of being alive
rush
through my veins.
Make me feel like i'm something.
Like i'm the center of the world,
and not just some
blank space.

i'll never change.

Tulipsxnflowers Nov 2019

i'll never change.

I know what I'm doing is wrong
The guilt is slowly eating me away
This isn't the first time and I know it won't be the last
I thought I was over it
But I am not
I want what I cannot have
and I'm addicted to the cause

I don't know what to do
how to breathe
how to pretend that I'm not just letting it all fall apart
once again
just for the longing of his touch

I'm just a dreamer.

Tulipsxnflowers Mar 2015

I'm just a dreamer.

Just like any girl,
I was madly in love with you.
Only the thing was, you weren't.
I waited and waited for a day to come,
where you would finally love me.
But just like any girl,
I was a dreamer.
Dreaming for that day to come,
where my prince charming would sweep me off my feet,
holding the key to my heart.

— The End —