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Emily Tew Oct 2013
If you looked at my life from the outside in you would never see that I feel how I feel.
Looking at me I am not different or unique,  nothing to show trials I have survived or the things I endured, my suffering isn't extraordinary or could be admired.
I am blessed in so many ways, I don't go hungry at night, I have a bed to sleep in, so many things to fill my home, a job that I enjoy and a family that loves me dearly and so much more ... how then could I feel so much pain so lost so lonely...because of this I feel also unbelievable guilt.
Each day is almost the same from start to finish I am safe from danger and how rarely do I feel motivated, alive or even inspired.
At times I just want to scream out loud or drop to my knees and cry but what good what that do?
What right do I have to feel the way I do, how dare I cast all the many wonderful things aside?
If I scream or cry and try and let you know how I feel it does no good, because it's never fully understood and I make no sense you say anyone would trade my life with me if they could and your words are so very true.
People are suffering, starving and dying they are persecuted, punished and scared all living each day with no one to be kind.
How can I feel so alone when at any given moment I could reach out and touch another person?  
I have tried and tried to explain what and why I feel this way but it always causes more damage than good things would be better if you only understood.
All our lives we are told to be strong, it could be so much worse but I'm too the point where my tears come at a simple song as if it's nowhere I belong, if I speak it will only begin to worsen.
Why can't my tears be like the rain... washing the mess of the day away the beginning of another chance and another day... no my tears are the end of me holding it all that I could.
So I think what right do I have to be so sad and I don't have a clue of real pain, it's true I don't have the right to feel this way and is everything just coming of my imagination?

I am thankful though ... sometimes it's good to know I can feel anything at all so I'll go each day strong and standing tall.
Emily Tew Sep 2012
Sorrow has lashed into me,
Badly scarring me.
You do not see them,

I have them hidden...
Eyes please... hold it well.

I carry it with me anywhere I go.
I cannot escape it or be rid of it.

Some cast sorrow out for others to see,
reaching out, frantic.
Others they would never let it show,
going under without a word or a sound.

How it builds and builds... sorrow it being so persistent.

As I takes me everything else becomes distant,
The sorrow begins to creep through every part of me.

My skin begins to crawl,
My chest crushing under the force.
Each breath lets in a new stab of agony.

Sorrow then escapes me and runs from my eyes
Drowning every emotion I have but it.
It burns down my cheeks over my jaw.

I sob for air only to be met by more,
I raise my eyes to the sky,
surrendering to it.

Once it begins it cannot be stopped,
My only chance is to let if come
Meeting sorrow...
Brace myself and prepare for battle.

I am so weary from this fight.

My happiness is the shore that becomes hazy,
Sorrow is the wave that comes to carry me away.
The freezing water is the pain familiar as it gradually makes me numb.

How long can I keep it contained?
How long can I keep my head above it all.
How long before I begin to scream in sheer suffering.

Despair replacing the hope,
like a light that flickers and fades away in the distance.
How long before I am swept away?

Or do I even want to be saved,
would I rather succumb to my injuries.
Drift away, fade away.

No, I will always come back,
to shore again gasping and shivering.

Staggering back into life only to fight another day.
Once again to be swept away.

Emily Guyette
9-2012

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