In learning to love myself I have realized I don't need the affection of others to be validated.
My body is exactly that,
Mine.
If you dislike the bolts running across my skin in the areas that have a tendency to stick out a little further than others,
If the little craters that so lovingly remind me how connected I am to the moon and it's beautifully uneven surface aren't something you can look at because you believe you have every right to think my body is lesser than others
If you think I will self destruct without your approval, you could not be more mistaken
You are merely a guest and I have every right to deny you entry so don't convince yourself that you are entitled to my body,
Don't think for a second I am less than anyone with a toned body and baby smooth skin,
My body is not a competition and I refuse to look at other women as an opponent in the race to a mans bed

why are you telling me I'm being selfish in having no desire to be alive,

isn't it truly selfish to put yourself before me when I am so obviously in pain,

isn't it selfish to ask someone to suffer through something there is no end to,

isn't it selfish to ask someone already dying to want to be alive when that will lead to my own dissatisfaction,

or is it selfish how the world can take the life of someone who hasn't yet lived

God, I know every freckle dotting your shoulders almost as well as I know the lyrics to your favorite song.

   You find my mind in the strangest ways, I find the need to purge you from myself almost as quickly as last nights dinner.

being alive shouldn't be this exhausting

All you do anymore is tilt your head back and throw the poison down your throat acting as if it doesn't burn on the way down,

Maybe I feel the burning of it for you because while you can't even remember your name im destroyed that you can only love me under its influence

why is it at 3 a.m with the weight of the world on my shoulders,
My lip quivering in beat with my heart do I find it impossible to allow myself even a single tear to dot my cheeks,
Could it be my never ending cycle of forcing myself to be okay even if everything around me is in ashes,
Or could it be the embarrassment of being weak even though the only soul to know I shed that tear would be the one that's ripped to shreds inside me