Dearest shiver down my spine,
        Your memory is fleeting
in the evenings of july
I am hardly sleeping

i wish you were an oyster
and i wish i was your shell
as much as i adore you
my mind is stagnant as hell

I saw you chopped your hair off
it really gave me life
to see you living loosely
smiling cold as ice

I ran into you this evening
in a small cafe
you kissed my cheek
i couldn't speak
i felt it down my spine

how big am i
how big am i when i feel so small
my reflection lives in a funhouse mirror
thick thicker
short shorter
the curves of my body are as warped as the glass
and the more i stare
the sadder i get
i see every misshapen lump to my short stature
like an eagle looking at its prey

how big am i when i feel so small

Deep in the woods I discovered the bones of a God
a fearless one who tamed the wind with her silver whistle
she was a kick to the chest on her best day
on her worst she was the taste of baking chocolate

I tripped over them, half buried under the hand sewn lace trees
and fell into her disjointed arms that sheltered me in their sinew cradle
I’ve never felt as safe in my life as I did curled between her brittle bones
she was a castle’s ruins in the heart of the forest

Deep in the woods I discovered the bones of a God
a gentle one who spat life into the ocean and dyed the skies to match her gown
she was a force to be reckoned with on her best day
on her worst she was an abandoned pile of bones

Mass Move system
1 am carry me away
Sunrise floated home
Greyhound 2 hours
each way to see your lovely face
down a shot of moonlight
miles and miles and miles and miles
3 books annotated
underlines like bicycle wheel spokes
skewed and rippled
4 eyes
worn and felt
scattered sleepers
curled in knots and felt at peace
5 texts sent
to different loves
sad but too real to ignore (too many tears cried dry)
dehydration kept me whole (denied)

My world is crashing down
here it is my home is torn from my grasp
my summer life is far away
without an opportunity to get her back  
im heartbroken
utterly shattered
in everyway I havve no idea what to do
all with one email and alone

and here it is my world is ripped in one piece of paper
1.94 is the number to define me now
my dreams of the future slipping away
pulled away by a digit
my art school hopes are dashed

and here it is empty again
left alone and finally i am so hurt there is nothing
i can do but sit and die

and above all i ffeel like im losing him
my best friend and I miss him
i cant believe how hurt i feel
i wish he was with me
and i wish i wasnt hurt

I understand that you are a lone wolf and I understand that you live in a ****** home, and I understand all of you because I am your best friend Ive known you since I am five but that doesn't give you license to treat me like a moth that flits around your computer screen when you're up late at night

I see all of the good in you and I see how capable you are even when you don't seem to believe it I support you in all of the dreams you have and the things you want to do and you don't care enough to look, you don't care enough to support me, to see me it seems like Im on the see through side of a one way mirror

I speak to you I ask you questions I make an effort to talk you you because thats what best friends do they take interest in each others lives they talk to each other and make sure that they know you're always there for them when they want to talk but right now its just the messages that keep getting delivered and theres no one on the other end

I love so many pieces of you and you say you love me back but theres a knot in my chest that just keeps tugging on me and saying that you're lying because you keep acting like I'm nothing to you like I am just a character in a book that you pretend you enjoyed for your english teacher

I do keep trying to fix this because I care so much and we used to be so good and I thought we were so great I do want to fight for this friendship but only if you want to because its really hard to bail out a sinking boat that I don't know is going down

I feel so hurt I feel horrible because everything is going down around me and the only person I want to talk to is you but I cant because you always make me feel worse always I don't know why I try to talk to you anymore because it makes me hurt its like Im telling someone to punch me in the gut when Im already bruised

I am so sad and angry at you and I just want you to ******* respond so we can either talk it out or quit now Because this is torture and you just keep hanging me out to dry and I just keep trying but if theres no use then please please tell me now so that I don't waste my time and keep growing attached because I am stretching myself so thin and I just cant take another heartbreak Please If you even care one bit about me you will just tell me where we stand now so I can know if we are worth saving

I understand, I see, I speak, I love, I do, I feel, I am not nearly as indifferent as you seem to be

I had a dream I was a tiny tiny pixie
and I lived in an ostrich egg,
Riding kittens and caterpillars,
dawning an acorn shell cap,
lounging, indulging in a flower petal nap
I baked an herbal cake, delicate in flavor
I invited my dad for lunch, and he ate it all in just one bite

You are a painting for sure
an oil streaked canvas that I just cant help but stare at
Because wow are you breath taking
I want to run my fingers across your ragged surface
and let your paint smear across my hands

I could also compare you to the ocean
because you are neverending
I like to sit by the sea and just take it all in
the beauty, the sounds, the smell, the feeling of it touching my skin
giving me goose bumps
just the way I like to sit with you

Now while both of those are as true as saying the sun is hot
Ive heard that you are a goddess. Is it true?
Because you give me the shivers and I like to talk to you
but if you are a goddess I will become too terrified of you
to react

He is dead
******* dead
and I will never see him again
no matter how much I miss him
or how much I cry or scream he will never come back
Ive loved
Ive lost
But i cant ******* seem to love again no matter
how much I try
never again will I hold his hand or hear him tell me he loves me
****
he is dead and I don't want to believe it
But he is
his last words were to tell me he loves me eternally
mine were to tell him that Im stuck on him
he was sick
groaning wordlessly until I whispered that in his ear
then he spoke about how he loves me
I miss him
I ******* miss him
he is gone
but he now has his boat
(and that makes me sadder than anything)

there are no words in my vast vocabulary that can articulate how much I want silence
I need there to be no words in my head, no words around me, no one asking me questions
just quiet

to be honest i dread being put under the microscope
and right now i feel trapped between slides

i just need silence for once
or maybe meaningless conversation

To compare thee to a summer wind would be quite outrageous
frankly to compare you to a tornado may be more apt
because rather than just rustle the leaves on various trees
you rip through town and trash all that resides in your crowded path
unorganized you shred apart anything and everything

To say you remind me of a butterfly would be simply false
you are much closer to a mosquito
because rather than land and add color and beauty to peoples life
you **** every bit of blood from surrounding bodies so they are nothing but husks of what they used to be
so that they are as empty as you are

continuing on to a different point

I want to run my fingers through you're greasy smoky hair
to gently stroke your bruised ashen cheeks
and kiss the ****** space where your fingers were

gently love you though thats not what you would want to do to me or anyone for that matter

You are more for clawing my frizzy hair from my head and pulling me hard around
to punch my rosy cheeks until they're cut gory and swollen
bite and grasp my neck until its black and blue
and utterly tear me limb from limb

Though I love you so deep inside myself i know
if we carry on with this escapade Ill end up just like the others
with poison on my lips a bullet in my chest straight between my two *******
in a coffin underground as empty then as i am now

Hey rosebud
your lips are so red
so red like the blood
the blood that rushes to my cheeks
when you touch me
(even if its just on my arm)

hey clementine
your hair is orange
as vibrant
your hair in the picture i painted
the one that you keep
in your journal
(it desperately makes me smile)

hey sunshine
your aura is yellow
do you hear me?
its yellow just like
In the sweater you wear
you used to borrow hers
(the one i used to covet)

hey forest
your **** is green
like the places you go
running over damp moss
getting high driving around
smoking plants and memories
(I want to go with you)

hey ocean
Your sea is blue
like the water you swim in
lying on your back
hair unfurling
like tendrils of strawberry gold
(You are the sea and im gonna take a dip in your eyes)

Hey lavender
your room is purple
like the dreams you have
you are the smell in your room
the light of my life
the sky in the morning
(you are a flower and i think you are etherial)

you are the colors of the rainbow
you are shades
hues and beautiful tones
i see you in every pothole
every tooth in every grimace
every painting in every museum
(you are every shiver down my spine)

I wanna be a polaroid girl

I think that everyone knows at least one.
You don't ever have to say a word to them and yet they completely turn your life upside down and you end up kissing the concrete where your feet should be.
They are always on an adventure and you're just along for the ride
There are no rumors about them
Because every single one you hear is just a half truth

They are always beautiful, always free, always wild and utterly careless.
The life of a polaroid girl is not easily obtained its more something that they're born into
but you can always see one in the making

I want to be a rosebud like them
they are legendary but easily forgotten
and they live in a glorified loneliness because everyone is just a passenger in their lives they hop in and hop out
everyone idolizes them but no one fulfills them

they thrive on *** you can see it in their eyes

they're always stuck in the summer haze that helps define them

they have ******* and acid flowing in their veins
and alcohol on their breath

I wanna live on the breezy landscape photo that you have no memory of taking but treasure and never show a soul

Four years since I met Rosie
Longest I have ever loved
and that moment was the best I've ever had
She is lost but not forgotten
She was on my lap asleep
It was just one girl in love (but it's not sad)

I would like to speak to Rosie
Tell her everything I feel
but I'm better off alone, than on her hand
Used to be I'm only happy when in my summer land
but for her I swear I'd never go again

That girls got something, I cant say no
Only bit of warmth thats ever come my way
If I could tell her how much I miss her
I'd give my whole self, plus a lifetime if I could only kiss her

Been Four years since I met Rosie
Almost two since she's been gone
She's the kinda girl who stays trapped in your head
I'm Hopelessly in love with Rosie
But it sure beats moving on
Got a feeling I'll next see her when I'm dead

Absolute Far Fetch
Colossal Mafioso
Act Alive Tyrant

Hell Broken Daisy
Delete Everyone But You
Strike A Match, New Blaze

*******, King Trainwreck
Unladen Swallow, **** ****
Devour Comfort

The absence of air
weighs on the ever expanding universe
but ever expanding into what?
Into my mothers coffee cup?
Into an outdated chemistry textbook as old as I am?
Into a hollowed ostrich egg?
Into impossible space
An unoccupied place that cant exist
where nothing is noted
and flustered frames don't move
a moth wont fly
a blank wall that hasn't been built yet
and nothing blossoms, for there is no light

Swell
cut back
trace the outline of my shadow
with caution tape
Holy ****, I'm about to die

Arpeggios
Metronomical beats
****** the tempo
with a chorale prelude
This time in Pig Latin:
Oly-Hay Uck-Fay, M-Iay Bout-Aay O-Tay Ie-Day

Out of key
with somber inflections
Press on my dear, Press on
with a dog eared national geographic
bookmarked to all the places I want to travel
One more time for someone who cares: