I understand that you are a lone wolf and I understand that you live in a ****** home, and I understand all of you because I am your best friend Ive known you since I am five but that doesn't give you license to treat me like a moth that flits around your computer screen when you're up late at night

I see all of the good in you and I see how capable you are even when you don't seem to believe it I support you in all of the dreams you have and the things you want to do and you don't care enough to look, you don't care enough to support me, to see me it seems like Im on the see through side of a one way mirror

I speak to you I ask you questions I make an effort to talk you you because thats what best friends do they take interest in each others lives they talk to each other and make sure that they know you're always there for them when they want to talk but right now its just the messages that keep getting delivered and theres no one on the other end

I love so many pieces of you and you say you love me back but theres a knot in my chest that just keeps tugging on me and saying that you're lying because you keep acting like I'm nothing to you like I am just a character in a book that you pretend you enjoyed for your english teacher

I do keep trying to fix this because I care so much and we used to be so good and I thought we were so great I do want to fight for this friendship but only if you want to because its really hard to bail out a sinking boat that I don't know is going down

I feel so hurt I feel horrible because everything is going down around me and the only person I want to talk to is you but I cant because you always make me feel worse always I don't know why I try to talk to you anymore because it makes me hurt its like Im telling someone to punch me in the gut when Im already bruised

I am so sad and angry at you and I just want you to ******* respond so we can either talk it out or quit now Because this is torture and you just keep hanging me out to dry and I just keep trying but if theres no use then please please tell me now so that I don't waste my time and keep growing attached because I am stretching myself so thin and I just cant take another heartbreak Please If you even care one bit about me you will just tell me where we stand now so I can know if we are worth saving

I understand, I see, I speak, I love, I do, I feel, I am not nearly as indifferent as you seem to be

You don't treat me as an equal, you make me feel as though i am so small you say I am your best friend but you ignore me and make me feel like an ant next to an airplane

2. YOU REALLY HURT ME. you always really hurt me.

3. If you don't want to be friends just tell me because I will just keep getting more attached to you and it will hurt me more later.

4. This is so one sided and I don't want it to be please put effort in or let me know that I am just putting coins into a bank account that just keeps getting emptied.

5. I don't know what I did to change the way you feel about me. We were so close and now you make me feel like we're two parallel lines going on but never touching

I wish I was an old ******* greek man
because then I would be dead and treasured
hubristic immortal

1st love beware:
all I wanted was to touch
eleven and feeling my hand on yours
Honestly I feel like I just couldn't help falling in love with you
with your Lindsay Stirling blaring as we get dizzy in the dirt
you and I were on ocean avenue sitting we played cards and you cut your initials into the window pane
You were charming and I was in love
in the back of the lodge on the moon
living in a childhood world our island
our training wheeled heaven

Second love my sad girl summer:
Backseat Serenade seated and talking in the sun
you tickle me because you said you liked my smile
a cigarette daydream before I even knew what it was
a love with an arm around me and a giggle in my mouth
you were the dream of my tween years
you gave me a lust for life again you trusted me
with all of your secrets
even though I was young the M word terrified me
but you were the first person I ever even thought about that way

3rd love something stuck:
You made me comedown from a fog in my head
living off something other than adrenaline
who says I cant be in love at 15 young relationships
don't let adults fool you though they don't last love starts from the day you're born
And also that makes me really scared Im really scared
you were the only boy I wanted to date in high school
you were my prom song, but I never went wrong

4th love girl everlasting:
Samson was never strong enough to hold me back
no matter how hard I tried I couldn't not love you
You were so tall, a giant and its safe to say I like giants
you were also so small but you gave me so much life
yet the everlasting question remains how do I tell a girl I want to kiss her
How do I feel so much for someone who lives so cold near me
I love to hear her talk as she rambles on rose
as if she weren't a wildflower
I spend my mornings thinking of a life without you
and my nights hoping it will never come to that

decompressing on a mattress
a white one without sheets
wearing bug *******
and  the loose yellow sweater
with the worn out elbows
and too long sleeves

I saw you walking
you looked so small
like a rosebud
it was raining and i was so in love
the outside of the windows looks like a forest
despite my suburban life.
i loved you so much

Dearest shiver down my spine,
        Your memory is fleeting
in the evenings of july
I am hardly sleeping

i wish you were an oyster
and i wish i was your shell
as much as i adore you
my mind is stagnant as hell

I saw you chopped your hair off
it really gave me life
to see you living loosely
smiling cold as ice

I ran into you this evening
in a small cafe
you kissed my cheek
i couldn't speak
i felt it down my spine

2005
I wish I had loved you then
when life was simple
and love was easy
when you and I were young enough to stay
over at each other's houses and
talk all night
on the mattress we dragged out in front of the tv
                 2010
I wish I had loved you then
When love was awkward, small
and you hardly knew what *** was
When we could look into each others eyes
and know that we were too scared
to hold hands even in public
and was lost when you kissed me
                  2016
Im glad we love each other now
when we're both sixteen and I learn to drive
and you text me when I got home
when you hold my hand in cvs
to buy condoms for our first time
when you kiss my nose
and clumsily love me