Everyday I am haunted
By the scars on my hips,
wrist,
stomach,
and thighs.
I hope everyday my parents won't see them.
I'm scared of what others think
I'm scared that I will be sent away again,
Away to a place that filled me with fear,
A place people call, "The Mental House,"

Yes, I did try to **** myself,
but that was long ago
But now I struggle with the razors that call my name
The yearning for the sting of a cut across my scarred skin
The desire to feel like I'm not in a dream.
Everything is so unreal
I never thought it would happen
But it did,
now I'm living with it.

I'm happy to say I am three weeks clean,
But I don't think it will last very long
Life is not easy
and I'm not that strong.

I will smile
As if you never hurt me

I will laugh
Louder than I ever did when I was with you

I will sleep
Without crying over you

I will see
Different shade that I could never see with you

I will be fearless
No more will I be afraid of having to keep you satisfied

I will be strong
Stronger that I ever was with you

I will cry
But it sure as hell won't be over you

I will cheer
Until my voice can no longer take it

I will be happy
Because I know I'm worth it

I will treasure myself
Because you never did

I will cherish my scars
Because they have made me stronger

But there is one thing I will do for you

I will thank you
Because you are the reason I became the one I am today

~vf

You damaged me
Abused me
Played me
Fooled me
You left me in the dark
Leaving me to fall apart
I trusted you
I should have known, I wish I knew
You left me out in the rain
To bathe in my sorrow, my pain
But with all this stuff you put me through
You made me stronger, it's true
But no matter how much I try
I sit there and wonder why I cried
Over you, a liar
Until I tired
But now I smile, not trying to hide
All the pain I kept inside
I've grown up a lot since we last talked
I stood on my feet and learned to walk
With my two strong legs, which have grown strong
I wish I could see this all along
My cuts are healed
But my scars are real
But they are my scars from battles I won
I am the one

Hello? Germaine, you there?
It's been a little over a year since you left us all
I miss you so much
You have no idea how much I miss you
I wish I could have talked to you that night
I wish I had given you more hugs
More smiles
More laughs
I wonder every night why you killed yourself
And I feel so lost
You were the one to hug me, make me laugh, make me smile when I was sad
And now I know you can never come back
It makes me so sad
I wish I had hung out with you more
And I wish I was there for you when you needed me the most
Please forgive me, Germaine.
I love you and miss you.
Hope it's nice up there in heaven.

What did I do?
To deserve this bruise
I thought I was your little princess
But now I'm a little demoness

I've loved you, Daddy, with all my heart
Even when you would hit me, throw me, hurt me
I forgave you from the very start
But you continued to abuse me

You called me 'worthless,' and 'a waste of time,'
Made me cry for having a different mind
Put me down emotionallly
And yet, I still forgave you immediately

For all this time I cried at night
All those day I sat with such a fright
I still forgive you, you hear
I still love you, Daddy dear.

I hate you
You used me
I trusted you
You fooled me
You played me
I feel so lost
What did I do to deserve this?
I thought you loved me
I really thought you cared
I thought you said you would always be there for me
You are a liar
A backstabber
Why the hell did you even think I was worth saving?
I was alright before you came along, then you ruined me
Your actions are the reasons I have cut myself
The reason I started after ELEVEN long months of being clean
You are the reason I cried myself to sleep at night
I hope you are proud of what you have done
I hope you can see the mess I have become
I hope you realize that what has happened was because of you
You stole my heart withouy any permission
And refused to give it back
You nailed it to a tree, then smiled at me

Maybe I'm a little crazy
Maybe I'm a little sad
Maybe I'm upset
Maybe I'm mad
Maybe I hate myself
And maybe I don't
Maybe I want to hurt myself
And maybe I won't
My own mind scares me
It hold a lot
It hold all of my pain
Every scar I got
Maybe I'm scared
To love again
Scared to be rejected over and over again
Maybe I'm tired
Of being put down
And maybe my poem
Can keep me on the ground
I can't say I hate myself
I don't myself yet
But when I do
I'll hate her too

From what I have become
To what I will be
I have honestly turned into
Not even the person I want to see
I'm tainted and scarred
All are self-inflicted
I need help
Please save me

~vf

Does not exist
Is not real
Though we cannot resist
To really feel
A sense of accepting
To keep us smiling.
I don't know what perfect means,
All I know is what it will cause.
It clouds what a person sees
And keeps them focused on their flaws.
So listen to me,
I tell you the truth
You are all perfect,
I promise you.

I'm lost
Rejected
Hurt
Neglected
I gave you my heart
And you knew it from the start
What did I do  to deserve this?
Is there something I missed?
I trusted you
Admired you
I let you in my life
In hope to end my life long strife
You went way too far
Reopened my scars
Brought tears to my eyes
Lead to many sleepless nights
But why do I stick around?
What keeps me bound?
This feeling for my heart for you...
I think I still love you...
I'm sorry
I've been following a fools hope
Now I can finally see...
You will never love me

She smiles with tears in her eyes
She laughs when she wants to cry
She lies, saying she's okay
She struggles every single day
She will never tell you the truth
The source of her pain
Out of fear you will give her the boot
And push her away
She fears the day she will be alone
She tries and tries to act all grown
When deep inside she is just a girl
A girl in the shadows
A girl with no future
A girl who never was given a chance
To rise above all the rest.

I've moved on from the last guy,
He no longer makes my heart race,
After what he did to me,
I'm amazed I took him back.
He played me for a fool,
Saw my true self,
And crushed it in the palm of his hand.
I cried and cried believing it was my fault,
When he was the one really pulling the strings.
I was fooled into thinking he loved me
When really, I had no clue
Why in the world would he love a girl like me?
Though it is painful, I'll say it again,
I have moved on.

I stand here
Frozen in fear
In fear of what you might say
In fear of what you think of me today

I've liked you for a long time
A very very long time
And I have finally told you
But now you don't talk to me
Not anymore
Though we never talked much in the first place
I was far too scared
Far too nervous to speak to you
Now I have
And now you ignore me.

What did I do?
What can I do?

~vf

I can't forget
Any of it
The fear
The pain
The tears
The shame
These scars won't fade
these scar I hate
No matter what I do
I can't forget you
I was stupid enough to  believe
you would always be there for me
I thought I was saved
But I was really your slave