If I put
Breaks
In between
Random lines

Does that
Count
As a
Poem?

People often ask me why I do it.
How do I manage being here
When my Love is
873 miles away
Four states away
And one time zone away.

"How do you do it?" They ask.
"I could never do a long distance relationship." They say.
"I would never be able to handle it."

Well, the truth is
The way I can handle it
The way that helps me to "cope"
Is purely the fact
That my relationship is not
a Long Distance Relationship at all.

In this Love miles may be tangible
but they are everything but definable.
We had Love before there was a distance
and that distance will never be used to
Define us.

No matter how many miles there may be
I can still feel his Spirit with me.
His laugh rings in my ears when I can barely muster a chuckle
His fingers gently touch my skin when I drift off to sleep tucked away at night
I can hear the gentle whisper of his voice when I get up saying,
"Good morning, beautiful."
And I can feel him singing along with me in the car to our Song when my voice cracks.

Our relationship is not a Long Distance Relationship.
Just because there is distance
does not mean that distance defines It.
He isn't absent until I come home
or when he visits me
My Love is always here.
He may be in whispers, and small chuckles, and light sighs
But a part of him is always here
Always with me
Always there
and I can feel it.

So in a sense
our Long Distance Relationship
has no distance at all.
Because creating distance means to separate or to bring apart
And that's not what our relationship does in the slightest.
If anything
these 873 miles bring us closer
Closer than we could ever imagine.

I'm not saying that I enjoy
not being able to physically see him everyday.
But this chapter in our Love is not hard or difficult or too much to handle
And it certainly isn't bringing us apart.
Because we both do not see any other option
This is worth it.
This is right.
This is It.
This is the kind of It that everyone talks about
we all hope for It, search for It, even die for It.
and we are so blessed to have found It so early.

So these 873 miles will not be permanent
but they are so indescribably worth it.

There are so many moments throughout my day
Where I miss every aspect of you
From the musky smell of sawdust after you finish work
To the small whine of desire when you outstretch your hand to take mine
You always know how to mix the perfect amount of milk and sugar to my coffee
You detect the strangled lie in my voice when I try to say I'm "okay"
I've never been able to understand how you do it all
You are a Miracle in my eyes
A Beautiful Miracle
Sprinkled with tinkering laughs and silly jokes
We speak a language that only we understand
Filled with silent moments of eye contact
Snorting laughter
And hand squeezes
I've memorized and harmonized
With the pitch of your first yawn when you wake up in the morning
You keep your breaths in time with mine
When you hold me against your chest
You still manage to put my hair behind my ears to caress my cheek
Even though my hair is even shorter than yours most of the time
I've never seen you look at me
Without seeing all of the Love in the world in your eyes
Your Spirit brings so much hope
It shines a path for me when my Soul has lost its fire
I know each and every spot that tickles you
And never plan on revealing those beautiful secrets to anyone
You listen to my ramblings as if they were strung with golden threads
And your laugh sparkles more than diamonds
I love the roughness of your slightly-callused hands
And the gentle rumble in your whisper
You are the greatest of mysteries
The most beautiful of poems
More harmonious than the purest of music
I drink your Words, your Laughs, your Smiles
As if they were the deepest, richest wine
I want to explore you forever
To me nothing is more true than you,
My Beautiful Rescue

I'm writing this poem because I'm ******
And upset and sad and really **** annoyed
But mostly because I'm ******
I'm ****** because I try so ******* hard to get everything right
Every single thing
I am trying my absolute best
To get it "all right"
And for you, for all of you.
And for some reason that is not good enough
To you, I have let you down
To you, I could have done better
To you, I have failed.
I try to make it through my day
and there is a **** hurricane destroying my brain
and I honestly can't take it anymore.
And you know what makes me even more upset?
The fact that you like it
You, sitting at your computer
You will click the heart and you will Like it
Because this world tells you
that Pain is beautiful to you
Anxiety is complex
and Emotional Destruction is Art
And that ******* ****** me off, too.
Emotional deterioration is not Art
My insane hurricane of internal blame
Is not for you to click the heart and "Like" it
Or for you to share with your Facebook friends.
Why don't you like the love poem?
Or the psalm of happiness?
Or the gentle, giggly limerick?
Is that because we only see internal turmoil as beautiful now?
What about rhymes of sunsets and silhouettes?
And clandestine loves and clinking castanets?
Where are their electronic hearts?
Do those only belong to slitted wrists
and broken heart plot twists?
Well, that's not true
And this ****** poem isn't for you.
This ****** poem is for me
and for what I feel
and for what I create
and for what I accomplish
because what I make is beautiful
and there are so many aspects of this life that are beautiful without being painful
And that little red-clicked heart doesn't mean jack **** to me.