It’s not long ‘till you learn that
Broken hearts don’t easily repair.
It’s hard to focus when healing
Wounds can soon again tear.
You ask yourself how this
World can be so **** unfair,
When you know of hardships
Some can hardly even bare.

Bottles line the medicine cabinet
Names I can’t pronounce
Take two, daily.
Take when necessary.
Take, take, take.
What for?

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart,
Like the skin on my bones is degrading
To a nothingness I can't quite seem to
Understand, some sort of abstract art
Too intricate for me to grasp the concept
Of as I look down and all I see is decaying
flesh of what used to be me at the start.
No new cells to replace the old and all
I am becoming is a ghost of a girl who
Tried to be more than just her heart.
An echo of a child who didn't know the
Difference between love and *** as she
Gave herself up to the boy who was smart
And caring yet love was never on his
Mind and he used her like she was some
Product you could find in any Walmart.
And I am an echo of a girl I used to be
As I look down to my hands to see
Rotting body and sometimes
I think I've been ripped apart.

I think of you
Every time I reach
For my pack
Fit snugly
In my pocket.
Steal a smoke,
Put it gently
Between my lips
And light it up
Just to take a few
Hits; filling my
Lungs with tainted
Air I wouldn't dare
Wish another
To breathe.

Exhale to the left
So it goes
Along with the
Wind toward
The mountains
And away from
The memory of
You. I remember
How that day
Driving home from
school, windows
Down and a smoke
Between my fingers
Hanging slightly
In the open
Air, when I was
Distracted by the
Sight of your
Car tailing me
All the way home.

Remember how
You kissed me
So tenderly
As to distract
My eyes from
Your hands
Slowly moving
Down my side
Making me
Shiver in anticipation
Expecting more
Like we used to do.
Instead you
Sneak my Spirits
Out of my
Grasp, taking
My crutch away
And all I can ask
For is just
one more.

You kiss me for
A second time.
I say that is
Not what I
Meant and you
Know it.
You smile
And tell me
That's what
Addicts say.
I remember you
Getting out
Of my car and
Break every single
Smoke in the pack,
Finally throwing
Them away and
Look at me.

I don't look
Back. All I hear
Is your voice
Saying words I
Tried to tune
Out but couldn't
Quite get the
Ringing of the
Love I felt when
You finally
Told me I was
Better than this.
I promised I
Would stop and
Your stringing of
Words gave
Me the strength I
Thought I lost
When I first
Started
Killing myself.

Five hundred and eighty-four
Days I stood by my
Word until I broke
And you were no longer
There to pick up
The pieces.
I think of you every time
I reach for a smoke.
No longer keeping
Track of days
Because I have
Been stuck at Day 1
For too long
To know how it felt
To be free from
A crutch I don't
Know how to
Give up.

Or maybe I
Just don't want to
Because every time
I bring that smoke
To my lips to
Take a drag, I feel
Guilt and dread
And no
Self-worth
But
I think of you.

Tie your hair back now
Roll up the sleeves of your shirt
Get messy for once.

I stopped eating.
Anorexia is becoming
Of me as I push away
The heaps of food
In front of me
Holding onto my sides
Out of hunger.
I closed my lips to
The lies devised
To blind me of the
Truth I so clumsily
Sought and desired
Once upon a time.

I stopped eating.
Choosing instead to
Mindlessly draw
Scenarios of simpler
Days where the sun
Is warm and the
Nights quite inviting.
Sheepishly holding
Back on words I would
Sooner choke on than
Spat out to those
Who hand fed me all
Those times before.

I stopped eating.
Trying hard not to
Give in to the
Temptation of just
One little snack
Before bed to help me
Sleep more soundly.
Stopped absorbing the
Fuel that keeps society
Running on a tire
About to go flat as
It runs its course
Raw.

I stopped eating.
Because this
Anorexia of sorts
is becoming of me.

I wonder if
You can taste
the betrayal
All the lies
and deceit
When you kiss
my lips
So tenderly
And I wonder
If I can call
This defeat
Some kind of
Battle fought
Valiantly