I don't want to stand in a vacant window anymore watching and waiting for you to come back
The only love I knew was laying on my floor screaming at the skies and hating myself for missing you to the extent of feeling sick
I'm not running away I am walking in a different direction because the wind blew and we didn't know how to follow eachother

They say love is like the wind and it blew today and I got goosebumps that reminded me of what your hands feel like and I couldn't move

Ps there's a thunderstorm outside my window

some of the things you said had a way of being stained into my memory
like the ring from the coffee cup still lingering on the table
but the taste of cigarettes on your lips still burns my throat
and I can't bring myself to sleep without the lights on
you whispered just a little too much and now your voice is something I can't shake
stars can't come close to the light in your eyes
you held me just a little too long and a little too close and now your touch is what I always crave
the constellations in your freckles appear in my dreams
and only in the morning do i awake to your scent

I love mess
Messy hair and
Messy eyes from a sleepless night
Messy art and
Messy words
Because expressing yourself isn't as easy as they say
Messy is an undefined subject
A messy life
With messy situations
Mess is just a simple reminder
That nothing is perfect
You're not suppose to expect it to be
Because it will not be

we are objects in space
floating and unseen
sometimes kept for keepsake
memories of someone else

ticket stubs and
concert tickets
maps and candy wrappers
postcards and coffee mugs
laid out in order

wondering if we still mean anything
if we ever did

making a memorial
like on the highway or gravestone

objects triggering a memory
in a way
out of contex

just objects in space
finding our way to a greater world

On our first date you held the door open and asked me 21 questions while I wondered what it's be like to kiss that perfect smile

Our fourth date I met your grandpa, you held my hand for two hours strait and I never wanted you to let go

On our seventh date you took me to the best Mexican restaurant in town. It was valentines day. I was nervous, and laughed at every word you said. That night you asked me to be yours, officially, and I took no time to hesitate saying yes. Everything is better now.

On our tenth date we laid in bed for hours. I told you my secret and I'll never forget those three words you said after you kissed me. I've never seen you cry, but tonight you shed a tear; and I think I fell inlove you.

On our fifteenth date we lay in bed watching movies we saw as kids. You held me close as I fell asleep. You smelled so lovely. Lazy days with you are more magnificent than all the stars in the sky.

On our sixteenth date you saw me cry for the first time. We talked for hours. Your wise words reprogrammed my thinking. "Find something to get you through everyday, and just live day by day." You told me things will be alright. I only believed the look in your eyes and the kiss you gave to my cheek.

On our twentieth date you poked out your lips and tried to kiss me, you held me down and rubbed your lips all over my face, I've never heard me laugh like that before. So happily, and uncontrollably. I love when you do that.

On what would have been our twenty fifth date you said it'd be best to go our own ways. Nothing was going how we thought, and things changed too quickly. You left that day.

The first boy I ever told
I loved for his eyes
The way he slid his hand up my leg
And for the fact he hated everything I loved
       The second boy I ever told
I loved for his compassionate heart
His love for his mother and
The way he grabbed for my hand
     The third boy I ever told
I loved for his sweet words followed by actions
His constant reminder of my beauty
The way he looked at me and filled me with life
His seductive grin and addictive scent
Those pale blue eyes glimmered in the sunlight
The way he slowly drug his fingers across my hips
How he let me steal his sweatshirts to sleep in
The taste of his cold lips saying hello to mine
The way his ears never missed a word I said as I vent to the worst degree
His love for life and keeping faith
The way he encouraged me and pleaded everything will be okay
How he hinted for our future
His playful kissing to make me laugh uncontrollably

March 16, 2013
It's been two years since we first met. We've never been how I imagined. Tonight I heard an old song and thought of you. But I don't think I miss you anymore.

May 23, 2013
This might be chance number ten. I've let you walk in my life once more. I told myself we'd be friends, but we both know it's never been just that.

August 12, 2013
I let you in, farther than anyone had ever come. You witnessed my most vulnerable stage and comforted me after. I was crazy to think this could be more than what it had been for so long.

September 26, 2013
It's been weeks since I've seen your face or felt those lips. I start to break, and let my mind get the best of me. I walk away, the distance is daring.

October 11, 2013
I saw this look in your eyes; hopelessness and unsatisfaction. I hold you in my arms and tell you I love you. Chances are given and good comes to those who wait. Your sweet words reel me in and that soft touch, I let you have me

November 20, 2013
I've thought of your goofy smile all day. The simple feeling of missing you and the conversation we just shared fill me.

December 14, 2013
I think I've recently fallen for you once more. I wonder if you've seen any good movies lately, and if your mother has asked about me.

January 4, 2014
Another tally added to the list. All the times we shared I was just allowing you to tear me apart. I'm starting to hate you, and how wonderful of a human you were and how I wasn't good enough for you to give it your all.

February 5, 2014
Insomnia got me tonight. I wonder if you're laying awake at an ungodly hour like you usually do. I'm balling now, going on hour three. I can't seem to pinpoint where we went wrong. I don't miss you. I miss having someone to feel close to and someone I could tell stupid jokes to.

March 2014
You only cross my mind if that song comes on the radio. I don't miss you anymore. Sometimes I miss the way you made me feel. But I've got something so much better, and I thank you for showing me what I deserve. It wasn't you. I don't love you anymore.

Steaming apple cider
In my favorite blue mug
A book about a girl
Falling for a guy unknown
Thick red socks and
Fuzzy blankets all around
Cracking fire with faint
Noise of my favorite song
The background so beautiful
My winter days in

The smell of Abercrombie cologne, apple orchard candles and spearmint gum always bring you back

Some nights I lay and stare at the walls hoping you heard that song on the way home from work and your eyes teared up

The taste of mtn dew and orange chicken bring your face to my thoughts

Most days I dream about your gentle loving touch
Your soft cold fingers gliding down my arms and back
The thought gives me chills

I hope you think of me
And the priceless laughs we shared

My mind will always run back to you
You're all I've ever loved

he glanced at her with eyes full of fear..with sadness in her voice she whispered 'stay.'

I found you

You are in every word
Filling up the spaces
Tagging along with every letter
Screaming at the pages

In poetry
I found you

I can still feel your lips pressed to mine
Your hands clenching my small waist
I still smell your favorite cologne
it lingers on my skin for days
I can still see those ocean blue eyes
staring at me while I drive
Your laugh echoes in my mind
oh it drives me crazy

I wish you were here with me

It's been months since I felt your touch. You stare for a while. I stand infront of you as you pray. This isn't a dream. I run into your arms and you squeeze my chest against yours. You caress my hair. Missing my familiar scent you had grown found of. You kiss my lips ever so passionately. Like a scene from a love movie. I got weak in the knees. You hold my face as I rip off my jacket. You unbutton my jeans as a slide them down my smooth legs. Your breaths getting deeper. Your hands explore my warm skin. Gliding and squeezing. I wrap myself around your firm body. As you softly kiss my neck. I lay on my back clenching the sheets. Your pants off now and your staring at me. Pulling up your shirt I slowly kiss your lips. As you whisper in my ear "this isn't just because." I arch my back as you gently make your way down. You enter me and I feel whole. Your sweet taste fills me with warmth. You hold me tight and glide. With every stroke I feel alive. Your breaths deeper and longer apart. I climb on top of you. Soft and slow we move. You're ever so gentle. You kiss my cheek as I turn to my back. Moaning with fulfillment. I remember the first time we did this and now is so much better. I feel your skin grow warm. Your hands wrapped in my hair. I look at you with a grin. Getting up you point me to the couch. Where we lay for hours wrapped up in each others arms.

I don't know who I am
Anymore
Or if I do
I don't want to be her anymore

I don't know who I want to be
Or maybe I'm already who I dreaded to become
I don't know who I am

Don't let her leave when she's lying next to you
Softly and sweetly; listening to your every breath

When she's ready to stumble out of the back door
Her pride weighing her down
And her shoes in her hand
Don't let her go

As she's sorting through the pile of clothes on the floor
Searching for her favorite sweatshirt
Glancing back to see you're still asleep
Don't let her leave

When she starts yelling and throwing things
Don't let her go
She says she can't take it anymore and needs time on her own
You grab her and never let her go

Don't let her wash you out of her hair
Or your taste from her lips
Or your scent lingering on her soft skin

When she runs from your sight
And screams she hates you
Don't let her leave

Run your fingers through her hair
Kiss her cheek softly
When you know she can't leave without you
Don't let her go

I see this girl every once in a while
She never seems recognizable
I know her from somewhere
But I just can't put my finger on it
Her bright smile is deceiving
Her mind fights her everyday
As the mirror screams lies at her
Cold skin, hip bones, and long hair
She longs to see the sunlight shine through her thighs

The digital devil that lies on the floor
As she slips her fingers down her throat
She purges the fear that haunts her once more

You are a country drive with the windows down
Always remembered and never forgotten
You are a warm bed on a cold morning
You are a walk through the park
Sight seeing in the city
You are sweet chocolate on a bitter day
You are Nicholas Sparks' movies and handwritten letters
Hot tea and warm blankets on a fall night
You are the catchy melody to my favorite song
A big breakfast right as the sun comes up
You are Florida sunrises and Indiana sunsets

Those words still haunt me
How far back do you remember?
Three words you left me with
Floating with one meaning
Did you mean every word?
I was just a bump in the road
And here you left me stranded
Three words you left me with
They still linger in my head
How much do you remember?
I can't seem to forget

I used to write you
In my mind and in my thoughts
Somehow I'd hoped you'd receive them
And come running back to me
All those letters went unread

We had crumbled
Our souls became humbled
Distance became our common enemy

We could have crossed the broken road
But neither of us took that first step
We stood staring into opposite directions
And we walked away

I knew deep down
This day would come
It hit me too soon
I daydreamed for hours, this couldn't be true

For we shared more than a friendly kiss
I hoped for our future
But soon I no longer felt your fingertips
This was real
And you weren't here
So one last time I'll say
I love you

This is my lost letter

I locked you in a box
You sit at the top of my closet
Yet I see you everynight
You haunt me in my dreams
Your sweet lips full of lies
Your warming embrace
I can't be fooled once more
Death in disguise
I faintly remember those words you spoke..

I've lost you

Where is your hand to guide me?
The light has disappeared
I'm stuck in this moment
I feel you go by with the breeze
I see your eyes as I stare down this path
I can't seem to touch your face
My heart aches from the cold
Where are you.. I know you're waiting..
You're there..

I met a boy
And I fell in-love too quick
I loved him more than sunsets
More than when the leaves change colors
More than photographs and sappy lyrics
Cuddling on the couch
Or chocolate covered almonds
Oversized sweaters when I'm feeling lazy
And waiting for those three words of comfort

I came to love everything
He was and everything
I had made him into

My heart swelled as months passed
As I was so full of love
For him and for hope
I forgot to do the thing
That so many forget to do

I forgot to leave room to love myself

I still shed a tear every once in a while
Most things still remind me of you
Some of the silly faces you'd make have rubbed off on me
I can't listen to your favorite song without breaking down
I enclosed the physical memories in a box in my closet
Though you still cross my mind every night
Some of the memories make me smile
I'm grateful to have enjoyed them with you
Others make me weep
Like the time you opened your heart and let me in
Most days I miss you
But I've learned what it means to keep going
I am moving on

One moment I'm fine
The next I find myself on the floor soaked in tears
You pick the time when you want me to notice you
I was doing just fine until I saw your eyes
It's been months without your touch
It's been hell, but I've been tough
I know there's a reason
For every little thing
I just want to know what happened to you and me

That feeling is gone
The one I'd look forward to every time your fingertips touched my flesh
Laying on your couch

It wasn't the same

All that time I spent wondering where you were
Secretly longing to hear your laugh in the front seat of your car
I was haunted by those words you rarely spoke
Like a secret begging to flee from your mouth
"I love you"

That feeling is gone
That one I'd get by the taste of your lips
It would linger on me for days
You were all I could taste

That feeling of joy I'd get because you were so sweet
That feeling is gone
You were frightened I'd find the truth
Two years down our path I did
Now you trace my face with your gentle hands

It wasn't the same

That feeling I'd get when you look me in the eyes
Like we could live in that moment forver
That feeling is gone

I used to make you laugh
That familiar laugh that would play in my head for days
I imagine the past, then the future

It wasn't the same

I jump up whispering goodbye
As you drive away with that sorrowful sigh
I don't want to look back
All that time ago
On your comfy couch, somewhere lost in love

It isn't the same

As we walked down that familiar path
You quietly whispered as I bursted out in a laugh
One moment you're by my side
The next you're a year ahead
You reach for my hand as I stare into your eyes
There's always been a spark
Windows down singing your favorite song
Leaning over to kiss you
Your smile warms my heart
Next moment you disappear
I've been searching for months
Those play fights just to hear my laugh
Your momma loved to hear me say "hello"
A year ahead; you're so far gone
I long to hold you in my arms
Here you are laying next to me
Teling me secrets I'll keep to myself
Off to the next one, you left me dry
I've been praying for your return
Here you are.

Her tanned skin reflects in the mirror of which she stares
Only to find imperfections and disatisfaction
Her mind fights her every morning
To some size is just a number on the inside of your jeans
To her size is everything
She is painfully thin
This isn't a disease but rather a way of life

When you past is gone but your furtue is yet to come
What's the first thing that comes to mind?
Do you wish of new
Or dream of the old
The only thing that took you by surpirse
Was the change in time
Did you want to slow down?
When everything just fell into place
All you remember is the smile on your face
Did you still fear the impossible?
As ill actions were shown
Was respect lost?
When life threw you handfuls of oppertuinities
But none caught you
Did you sitll take the chance?
The chance of change
Chance of somehting new
As if nothing else mattered; The world against you
Unspoken words became guilt
And your regret never left you
Would you speak wisdom now?
When your past is gone but you future is yet to come
What's the first thing that comes to mind?

I remember that first walk to our favorite spot
Everytime we met, there we sat upon that stone
I cradled your heart as you embraced my hand

I remember sneaking over
In my bed we'd lie
Gossiping for hours; tangled in the sheets

I remember fireworks up above
As we walked with fingers interlocked
Blues and greens and reds

I remember we made that enchanting summer last
Until late Novemeber leaves crunched
Underneath our feet

I remember loud music and long country rides
That night when your mom arrived

I remember those forced goodbyes
Hurting everytime

I remember waiting for weeks to pass
Just to hold you once more
To feel you caress my legs

I remember driving into the unknown
To park and talk a while
Singing our favorite songs just to hear us laugh

I remember lying on your mothers couch
As we watched that comedy on your tv
You softly spoke into my ear
I'll never forgot those words
Followed by your hands

I remember that last walk
You whispered a secret to my lips
And I watched you go for the last time

I do it because I have to
Waiting around is not beneficial
Falso hope isn't good company
So why not move on?
You had me hooked
With the sweet words and tender kisses
The love you shared was far from fake
But this time apart is real
Temporary love we exchanged
To be apart was planned and arranged
Time keeps going, moving forward; and so should I

Maybe things happen because they're planned; Maybe they don't
Maybe I don't miss you; just the words you spoke, the things you did and the love you gave
And Maybe it wasn't real, those things I felt;
For you are only a memory in my empty mind
Maybe one day I'll look back and laugh at the things I believed;
For my beliefs are now crushed
So Maybe there's more to life than red candy and loud music
Maybe the uncertainty of my desires is what drove us apart
But Maybe the cold tea and long car rides brought us closer
Maybe those sensitive eyes and that breath-taking touch kept me
Problems occurred and issues were solved
But Maybe forgiveness wasn't enough
Now here we are; worlds apart
Maybe this was the plan all along and Maybe there's more to come

We look at the same faces each day
We're viewing those humans how they appear to us; how they look and how they act
We judge them instantly
We never once think to look at the world in their shoes and through their eyes
We're looking but we aren't really seeing
We hear the same voices and same music each time we chose
We hear the positive and negative words we expose ourselfs to
We don't listen to the meaning; we just hear what's spoken
We're hearing but we aren't truly listening
We're touched by the old familiar hug but we don't acknowledge the importance
We know you're here but do we feel your presence?
And to us the world seems ordinary
Yet we have no idea what it's capable of giving us
We know but we'll never fully be aware of its sweet mysteries