I don't want to stand in a vacant window anymore watching and waiting for you to come back
The only love I knew was laying on my floor screaming at the skies and hating myself for missing you to the extent of feeling sick
I'm not running away I am walking in a different direction because the wind blew and we didn't know how to follow eachother

They say love is like the wind and it blew today and I got goosebumps that reminded me of what your hands feel like and I couldn't move

Ps there's a thunderstorm outside my window

some of the things you said had a way of being stained into my memory
like the ring from the coffee cup still lingering on the table
but the taste of cigarettes on your lips still burns my throat
and I can't bring myself to sleep without the lights on
you whispered just a little too much and now your voice is something I can't shake
stars can't come close to the light in your eyes
you held me just a little too long and a little too close and now your touch is what I always crave
the constellations in your freckles appear in my dreams
and only in the morning do i awake to your scent

I love mess
Messy hair and
Messy eyes from a sleepless night
Messy art and
Messy words
Because expressing yourself isn't as easy as they say
Messy is an undefined subject
A messy life
With messy situations
Mess is just a simple reminder
That nothing is perfect
You're not suppose to expect it to be
Because it will not be

we are objects in space
floating and unseen
sometimes kept for keepsake
memories of someone else

ticket stubs and
concert tickets
maps and candy wrappers
postcards and coffee mugs
laid out in order

wondering if we still mean anything
if we ever did

making a memorial
like on the highway or gravestone

objects triggering a memory
in a way
out of contex

just objects in space
finding our way to a greater world

On our first date you held the door open and asked me 21 questions while I wondered what it's be like to kiss that perfect smile

Our fourth date I met your grandpa, you held my hand for two hours strait and I never wanted you to let go

On our seventh date you took me to the best Mexican restaurant in town. It was valentines day. I was nervous, and laughed at every word you said. That night you asked me to be yours, officially, and I took no time to hesitate saying yes. Everything is better now.

On our tenth date we laid in bed for hours. I told you my secret and I'll never forget those three words you said after you kissed me. I've never seen you cry, but tonight you shed a tear; and I think I fell inlove you.

On our fifteenth date we lay in bed watching movies we saw as kids. You held me close as I fell asleep. You smelled so lovely. Lazy days with you are more magnificent than all the stars in the sky.

On our sixteenth date you saw me cry for the first time. We talked for hours. Your wise words reprogrammed my thinking. "Find something to get you through everyday, and just live day by day." You told me things will be alright. I only believed the look in your eyes and the kiss you gave to my cheek.

On our twentieth date you poked out your lips and tried to kiss me, you held me down and rubbed your lips all over my face, I've never heard me laugh like that before. So happily, and uncontrollably. I love when you do that.

On what would have been our twenty fifth date you said it'd be best to go our own ways. Nothing was going how we thought, and things changed too quickly. You left that day.

The first boy I ever told
I loved for his eyes
The way he slid his hand up my leg
And for the fact he hated everything I loved
       The second boy I ever told
I loved for his compassionate heart
His love for his mother and
The way he grabbed for my hand
     The third boy I ever told
I loved for his sweet words followed by actions
His constant reminder of my beauty
The way he looked at me and filled me with life
His seductive grin and addictive scent
Those pale blue eyes glimmered in the sunlight
The way he slowly drug his fingers across my hips
How he let me steal his sweatshirts to sleep in
The taste of his cold lips saying hello to mine
The way his ears never missed a word I said as I vent to the worst degree
His love for life and keeping faith
The way he encouraged me and pleaded everything will be okay
How he hinted for our future
His playful kissing to make me laugh uncontrollably

March 16, 2013
It's been two years since we first met. We've never been how I imagined. Tonight I heard an old song and thought of you. But I don't think I miss you anymore.

May 23, 2013
This might be chance number ten. I've let you walk in my life once more. I told myself we'd be friends, but we both know it's never been just that.

August 12, 2013
I let you in, farther than anyone had ever come. You witnessed my most vulnerable stage and comforted me after. I was crazy to think this could be more than what it had been for so long.

September 26, 2013
It's been weeks since I've seen your face or felt those lips. I start to break, and let my mind get the best of me. I walk away, the distance is daring.

October 11, 2013
I saw this look in your eyes; hopelessness and unsatisfaction. I hold you in my arms and tell you I love you. Chances are given and good comes to those who wait. Your sweet words reel me in and that soft touch, I let you have me

November 20, 2013
I've thought of your goofy smile all day. The simple feeling of missing you and the conversation we just shared fill me.

December 14, 2013
I think I've recently fallen for you once more. I wonder if you've seen any good movies lately, and if your mother has asked about me.

January 4, 2014
Another tally added to the list. All the times we shared I was just allowing you to tear me apart. I'm starting to hate you, and how wonderful of a human you were and how I wasn't good enough for you to give it your all.

February 5, 2014
Insomnia got me tonight. I wonder if you're laying awake at an ungodly hour like you usually do. I'm balling now, going on hour three. I can't seem to pinpoint where we went wrong. I don't miss you. I miss having someone to feel close to and someone I could tell stupid jokes to.

March 2014
You only cross my mind if that song comes on the radio. I don't miss you anymore. Sometimes I miss the way you made me feel. But I've got something so much better, and I thank you for showing me what I deserve. It wasn't you. I don't love you anymore.