There once was a pirate named Janus
whose deeds were particularly heinous,
so when he was caught
the trial was short:
Two years with a mouse up his ****.

Oh, the agony,
no rest, even when I sit.
Two years, a long time!

When Janus was finally free
the mouse was nowhere to see
but Janus was clever,
instead of a lever
he lured it out with a Brie.