These hands ache and cry for your touch.
Nostrils repressed, because I've never smelt
Anything as sweet as you.
I can not taste the food I do not wish to eat,
For it is nothing to your lips.

I hear this dull echo in the pit of my ribs,
Where my heart used to be.
It's gone now,
After you tore it out with your first hello,
Squeezed it with our first kiss,
Soothed it after its over dose,
And crushed with your good bye.

I thought of you when I woke up,
And when I went to bed;
Before and after I brushed my teeth;
Whenever I moved, I thought of you.

That terrified me more then anything I've ever known.

The fact I had become so infatuated with the way you spoke,
Sang, Smelt, Dressed, Drew, Wrote, Laughed, Breathed, Lived, Ate, Smiled, Frowned, Sighed, Twisted, Turned, Loved,
And I know there are millions more of verbs to list
that I had become so infatuated with when it came to you,
but just the warmth that comes from hearing your name is enough to melt the glaciers.

I didn't love you,
But I knew in time I would have.

When I was 9 years old,
I witnessed a girl with rivers of crimson,
Seeping from her arms.
She had a blood stained sheet,
Tightened around her neck,
As I heard her bloodcurdling screams,
She locked eyes with me.

I felt her eyes.
Dark and cold, and no emotion behind them.

And when I stared in the mirror at 4:38 in the morning.
I felt the same thing.

It has never left me as it has infused into my cells,
And has branded every thought,
Every sense.

I am unsure to be afraid or comforted.

Someone previously described me as damaged,
not broken,
but I have pieces scattered everywhere,
I have carved reasons why I am useless,
I have swallowed for solutions.

I've never felt so alone.
At least I know I am damaged and not broken, right?

Dear Darling, I have been haunted too many nights
By the cries and screams of those
That closely resemble myself.
Their pitch pulls at my fibers,
Slices my arteries, and beats on my ear drums.
I wake up in a cold sweat, with the fear of God in me every night.

Dear Darling,
These scars are leakage of my fears.
My blood is poisoned with the idea of regret.
Sadness encompasses and clouds my thoughts,
Creating a pessimistic view on positive situations.
Numbness pains my core, and spreads through my veins
As a cold slush.

Dear Darling,
I have not slept a full night’s sleep in over 8 years.
I am not scared of no beast,
Nor animal,
Nor man.

Dear Darling,
These monsters inhabit my mind,
and plagues my eyes with sights ungodly even for the wicked.
They close my throat,
And guide the blade to my arms.

Dear Darling,
They have stolen my sanity,
And I am in fear of what they may soon accomplish.
I don’t remember how these scars have gotten here,
But they cause my hands to shake,
and my knees to collapse
as I guide my finger tips over the scars.

Dear Darling,
Save me.