**** defining heartbreak
Because in the lifetime it takes to forgive yourself for
Not learning to let go sooner
You could have learned to pray backwards
Pulling god inside like an inhale
And keeping him there
Emily could have learned that
After her father left
It is the memories she held on to
That really made her lonely
Every room is an empty room at some point
Just like her throat some days
Felt like a hallway
Stretching like a bad dream to keep
The moans in
She knows sometimes
You gotta let it out
Her shrapnel soul
Is practiced in picking up the pieces
How some days you have to pluck out the shards
Despite the pain
She knows that if she doesn’t
The jagged bits of breath
Still stuck in all the wrong spots
Will fester
She knows
She’ll probably never get to breathe deeper than this
So she counts breaths like steps till she hits her limit
And then she waits
For someone to tell her it’s okay
To cry in public
Again
So **** defining heartbreak
Because you could have learned
To pray backwards by now
Taking in god like an inhale
And keeping him there
Long enough for the pain to stop