you can't light a fire while it's raining
it'll instantly go out once you make a spark
so why, oh why
do you keep trying to light me?

i understand i'm easy but i'm no longer taking it anymore
taking YOU anymore . . .

i'm so tired
i don't have the strength to push you away right now
do what you want and leave right after
don't come back okay?

i'm tired, so [REDACTED] tired
do what you want and leave
don't come back

i'm tired, so very tired
do what you want

i'm tired

" 'i'll treat myself this one time'
'i deserve this'
'well i've been working so hard lately'
shut up. no you haven't.
say that once you actually do something
washing your sheets is a basic thing normal human beings do
remembering to brush your teeth and shower
eating three meals a day
none of that has to do with your mental health.
you're just lazy and using your 'problems' as a buffer
society will look at you and feel sorry but i'll know
i'll always know..."

ya know...
i can go to work every day
and still feel like my life has no meaning
i can feel the void stroke my cheek
it drawls over my neck, whispering "shh, shh
it'll be over soon, just follow my lead"
i almost want to, but i remember
the feeling of losing is much worse than giving in to a bull
a bull with very nice legs and stockings
they almost remind me of a woman i knew long ago

a woman who took my temperature in 6th grade
and told me i was going to to be great one day

taptaptaptaptap goes your pen
"i'm about to punch you"
you continue, and i do
we're sent to the office, you click your pen while we walk
you smack your mouth when the pen is taken away
you drum your fingers against your chest once you're told to stop
i'm sent home for a week, you got to the nurse

i come back a week later
and you're sitting in the same seat, taptaptaptaptap
i almost wanna punch you, i do wanna punch you
and i don't

i call that character development

the way i write is i write what is see
a title is useless if it adds nothing to the story
therefore, titles are useless
titles are useless until they're not

the blotchy curve of the G you write at the top of your paper
that G, it makes me sick
i want to throw up just looking at it, it's too thick that curve
the curve is too thick on your G

once the title, even the letter is imperfect
the entire page in useless, t serves no purpose
no purpose other than to make me sick
to make me gag, and fold the paper into long rectangles
that way, at least it'll die perfect
dying is perfect in a sense

the old scars from months ago
(i should be congratulated, it's been months
woo for me, everyone should celebrate)
ache, they ache as if they want to tell me something

"don't you miss us? once you're in the shower
you'll definitely miss us, you like the way we sting"

i do miss you, but you ache now
the ache is enough for now
the ache is enough

something tells me, somethings up
when the air becomes thin
and i'm packing my things to see the assistant principle downstairs

"we found something on your j:drive"
"you're not in trouble, but we will enact punishment"

i'm being treated like a criminal for a flimsy pop-up ad
stupid flimsy pop-up ad