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TinyMtn Nov 2010
Blacker than the kohl of her eyeliner is the state of her soul
She lives in that darkness perennially but it's getting old
She’s tired of carrying the weight of her world but not done fighting
Trying with the strength of five thousand mother *******
Trying, fighting, carrying what was given to her by DNfuckingA
She pleads for succor,
But always;
“There’s a void that the boys can’t fill, the tipping of the bottle or the popping of the pill”
And she’s feeling the urge to regurgitate the bile created by swallowing one too many tears over a few too many years
Some nights when she lets the salt roll, functioning gets too hard to breathe...
She knows that “loving somebody won’t make them love you” but she loves away
Works towards the proverbial brighter day, struggles for the right words to say:
“I’d let you be my everything”
She knows she should be her own One and Only
If only the mirror didn’t leave her so lonely
But she’s a plain girl who knows too much cowardice and not enough self-respect
If you saw her you might detect some self-neglect
Or not
But you can bet she’ll lift others like gods
She’ll believe in the few and far between against significant odds,
Pray for strength, guidance and grace,
Keep trying, fighting, carrying hope for something to fill that empty space
And above all (if you let her)
She’ll love you better than you’ve ever known
But first her little figure will have to spurn itself until it learns what she truly needs
Videlicet, to love the garden of herself beyond its copious weeds
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Tonight the moon shines blue
Darkly lit it sits in waiting
Anything but an effervescent hue
Sadly moaning and contemplating
It’s too late for anyone to look at the sky
Too late to notice the tears in its eyes
It’s too lonely to call out a name
Too anxious and full of shame
Tonight the moon shines so blue
I wish I could help, but what can I do?
TinyMtn Nov 2010
She breathed Him in with the spring wind
and exhaled His kisses to the eastern breeze
saying 'later' feeling 'never'

His eyes matched everything

seemingly months later
She has become colorblind to His kind
and they say it's unhealthy

inexplicably, She's still arrested
by the brief and fleeting thing
that was Him changing Her
(for the better)
TinyMtn Nov 2010
I am in love with what I could be
I am rooted in stagnant ambition
Tied to the sky and still pulled by gravity
Full of detail but lacking definition
I see stars hung in my eyes
I know rainbows surge in my veins
But it's cloudy where my body lies
And my most colorful ideas are blots and stains
My hands and mouth make no music
My soul has songs pulsing to be played
I can make a word bend to movingly use it
But still feel locked up today
I am in love with what I could be
A stunning display of divine creation
There's something burning colors inside of me
It burns for satiation
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Love is a demon I've been tired of chasin'
Love is a demon I've been tired of wastin'
Some days it won't leave me alone
Most days it won't pick up its phone
Love is a demon, and I -- I ain't no saint.
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Indeed the void is vast
Ever growing
Ever colder
Ever and ever...

My voice is the sole inhabitant
But it's not me
And it has nothing to say
So the echo says nothing back

Reaching out
I find black space
Reaching inward
I find smoke and broken mirrors
Reaching up
I find that I cannot reach

My voice is the sole inhabitant here
This place has no personage
No consequence
But it means everything to me
In this moment
In this room

I ask, Is anyone --
Is anything out there?
Where I am echoes back a single word...
TinyMtn Nov 2010
I wait for consonant or vowel
(Meaning purposeful self perception)
I wait often
I wait a lot

My habits-
They mean so much to me

Too much stock
in synthetic behaviors
makes one wonder,
How have I become so comfortable?

My habits will make me a jealous woman
My habits are synthetic
-developed by mediocrity
and unchanging circumstances

Adventure is found through
pushing towards change

Self-pushing requires
Self-strengthening
Not
waiting

Still-
I wait
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Loves pile high as credibility falls flat
as my heart after another "button" is pressed

Impossibility creeps to the front of mind
wanderings in the shape of a girl's secrets

Summer haze cannot strip away things
present long before I met your mouth movings

(Poetry wreaks havoc of minds unaware
of my privy billiard and/or therapy sessions)

This heart does not move in halves
but moves out of a sincere need for shelter
that is built from something honest
within the self but has yet to be found
without the help of another moving being

So Teddy, Delano, Chagal, and Holy Ghost be mine
only loves and lovers and leaders till I meet my miracle

From
"no more rosy gardens
no more craving curving
Let craving call
and beg and bawl
and face it tall
Let my soft skin have more sweet soft air on me.
Let boulders drown."

To
"Because everyone that I know
Every place that I go
Every story that I’m told
Its love
Its love
It’s love that we’re looking for"
TinyMtn Nov 2010
The weakness that defines me
Confines me to my own skin
Binds my limbs tightly
Won’t let the light in

I breathe toxicity
With every indulgent fear
I beg to summon bravery
I pray to feel You here

I am an infant
New in everything
I am repentant
More new than anything

I meditate in this new place
On a face I don’t understand
I ***** through inward space
Feebly trying to stand

I have been lost for so long
Frozen in the grip of ice
My shepherd has gone
This cold heart must suffice

I am an infant
New in everything
I am repentant
More new than anything

Remove my swaddling
Unfold new grace
I hear the heavens calling
Let light kiss this face
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Bare feet fall to the floor
as they run for freedom from the feeling of being
Left behind
Footfall is half-pace
of the fleeing, beating, fighting heart
that is trying to remain whole
Without you
Prayers are made
that we escape this catapulting feeling
of being torn in different directions
Words whispered about returning
home feel half-empty because
this feels like
Separation forever
We're not dying
not dead, not going to be soon
I will always be here
when you feel your heart running
Towards home
Always
End of story
TinyMtn Nov 2010
I wish to write poetry but cannot find the words in me to speak of your outward grace. You make me but an observer of beauty incapable of embrace.
TinyMtn Jul 2010
There are days when it's so hard to find a reason
to wake up,
let alone get out of bed.
Who cares what you do with your life,
your soul or your sense of dignity?
Who cares that the well's run dry when it's an open bar?
And who cares how I feel when I see you out of the corner of my eye?
Don't know where the butterflies come from
but they're going out to you.
I'll fill the well,
whatever I need to do.
Just for a chance at summer romance
with a true tease.
A teaser that pleases my pleasure bone
'till I'm on the ground breathing in heaves.
Give me and inch,
I'll take every last one you've got.
I'll bleed you dry of your love
and say it's all your fault.
TinyMtn Nov 2010
I wish to flay myself to strip away your stain
You that I near-loved
and You that caused my fall from grace

One who healed and saved
and another who unknowingly shunted
my chance of continuance

Counter balanced and marked
by my vulnerability and inner injury
The only similarities
between my sweet and my pain

I feel both of You on me
Haunting and afflicting

I won't heal from this
insult to injury
(and oh the guilt!)
'til I'm apt and equipt

God have mercy on me
and guide my way
I can't do this alone...
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Done the unrequited thing before
Already been on the wrong side of the two-way mirror
No desire to be behind a front-lit scrim again
So I'll dance beneath a veil, hidden in plain sight
Bat my eyelashes from behind a painted fan
Chasse away from someone who never needs to know
TinyMtn Nov 2010
When I make you laugh out loud
My stomach flips around
I want to spin into you
I want you to want to spin into me too

I want to feel your smile on mine
Let's lock fingers and dive into something new
Would you put your hand in mine?
I want to feel your shine

Making you smile is like seeing stars in daylight
When the sun sets I want to know who you are
I want to see your stars through 'til night
I want to know what makes you shine so bright

I want to feel your smile on mine
Let's discover what beats inside each other
Would you open your heart to mine?
I want to feel your shine
TinyMtn May 2015
The aching spine is connected to the brain
that makes the heart beat weary
when eyes have stayed wide too long

Ears ring in throbbing beats
same as the tired pulsing muscles
that have seen close to no rest

The eyes of of the summer
adventure seeker burn
like the ever waking ever raging sun

I am exhausted
beyond my health's capacity
to keep me moving any longer...

(Written in 2010)
TinyMtn Nov 2010
The thing that fills my mind
Is my inability to put you past or behind me
Between Now and Then is such a thin line

I never told you
Never wanted you to know that
You've broken my heart more than you know
Made me want to stop moving
Over and over
Every time you introduced the cold shoulder
Drawing the blinds over my eyes
Introducing more lies
And drawing the blinds over your own eyes
So that you wouldn't see my you-induced sighs
So that you wouldn't know the blame in these eyes

You've wronged me out of love
And because of this I
Burn my own brain 'til the flame envelops my heart
Making me want to die
Threatening to tear my pride apart
A natural death brought on by a natural cry
I cry so hard my face burns red
My eyes swell shut for days
You've left me dead
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Blatantly pacing impatiently, waiting for daylight. I'm tired and wide awake, but it's not the right time of morning. It's a burning in the brain and the ***** of my eyes that keeps me in waking and my bed is cold and my hand is empty of yours, darling. The situation is hardly dire, but if you'd light my fire I'd be higher and we could be flyer together...
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Exhaling the annihilating air that agonizes and means to suppress me
Breathing in this brand new brand of summer breeze
So stoked on the singularity of a certain smile that is sexier than sunset
Readily remembering my personal reality and reaching for more
Absent-mindedly meandering with mid-July in my dreams
One step closer to owning my odes to summer
Every day dreaming of deeply loving something new
I cannot wait!
TinyMtn Nov 2010
This is me running from my life
as it chases me down -
School books, schedules and dollar signs in hand

I’m running from a life without You
Nay – without a You.

Unable to find a voice within the self
That demands control and declares hope
Finding only memories of whispers wet –
Nay – soaked - with intimacy
and the reality of an honest experience

I’m running in self-silence to the sounds of:
“Forget Me not”
“Thou shalt not”
“Can You just not…?”

When there was a You
and We were an Us…

I could stop running
Be ever so gently still
Let the ******* rush me from behind
Let it break on my back...
And feel the tsunamis fail to drown me.

You kept me grounded

And it dawns on me that I’m not running from my life
I’m running for it.
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Afraid you won't come back
Afraid my heart might crack
into three to five thousand pieces

Afraid that this fixation
is just this child's imagination
Afraid that you're not real...

What is real...
Real is what makes you feel
ALIVE
And nothing else

Like being torn
Limb from limb
Like wanting
Love in return

Afraid
Afraid of every shade
of those eyes

Afraid that this fixation
is just this child's imagination
Afraid that you never were...
TinyMtn Nov 2010
Suffering on the foggiest level. Buffering to ward off the devil. Privately articulating the indelicate erosion of a china doll face. Unveiling the haste of hustle from her face where grace might have been before she fell... apart... from being wrapped in the race too long. Manufactured for success we digress under pressure. We try to be greater and find ourselves lesser, confronted by an anxiety fueled by society. Can't say I know anyone who isn't stressed... Meanwhile the china doll is made of powder and glue so when the rain comes she doesn't know what to do but cry off her own face and die. The china doll face that we doubt ever possessed any grace at all. She dilapidates. Depressed. Sunken eyes, damp dress. We say goodbye to her fragile frame and forget so fast...
TinyMtn May 2015
Sun-drenched in a smile between the dark hours of nine to four.
I'm caffeinated by his loquacious charm,
Easily awake for more.

We are uninhibitedly excited and tangibly so.
I am pacified listening to him loving to speak -
His passion is potion for my perpetual anxiety.

We kiss serendipitously the same.
Sloppily making an important point,
Intentions intensely plain.

(Written January 2011)

— The End —