Afraid you won't come back
Afraid my heart might crack
into three to five thousand pieces

Afraid that this fixation
is just this child's imagination
Afraid that you're not real...

What is real...
Real is what makes you feel
ALIVE
And nothing else

Like being torn
Limb from limb
Like wanting
Love in return

Afraid
Afraid of every shade
of those eyes

Afraid that this fixation
is just this child's imagination
Afraid that you never were...

The thing that fills my mind
Is my inability to put you past or behind me
Between Now and Then is such a thin line

I never told you
Never wanted you to know that
You've broken my heart more than you know
Made me want to stop moving
Over and over
Every time you introduced the cold shoulder
Drawing the blinds over my eyes
Introducing more lies
And drawing the blinds over your own eyes
So that you wouldn't see my you-induced sighs
So that you wouldn't know the blame in these eyes

You've wronged me out of love
And because of this I
Burn my own brain 'til the flame envelops my heart
Making me want to die
Threatening to tear my pride apart
A natural death brought on by a natural cry
I cry so hard my face burns red
My eyes swell shut for days
You've left me dead

Indeed the void is vast
Ever growing
Ever colder
Ever and ever...

My voice is the sole inhabitant
But it's not me
And it has nothing to say
So the echo says nothing back

Reaching out
I find black space
Reaching inward
I find smoke and broken mirrors
Reaching up
I find that I cannot reach

My voice is the sole inhabitant here
This place has no personage
No consequence
But it means everything to me
In this moment
In this room

I ask, Is anyone --
Is anything out there?
Where I am echoes back a single word...

She breathed Him in with the spring wind
and exhaled His kisses to the eastern breeze
saying 'later' feeling 'never'

His eyes matched everything

seemingly months later
She has become colorblind to His kind
and they say it's unhealthy

inexplicably, She's still arrested
by the brief and fleeting thing
that was Him changing Her
(for the better)

Bare feet fall to the floor
as they run for freedom from the feeling of being
Left behind
Footfall is half-pace
of the fleeing, beating, fighting heart
that is trying to remain whole
Without you
Prayers are made
that we escape this catapulting feeling
of being torn in different directions
Words whispered about returning
home feel half-empty because
this feels like
Separation forever
We're not dying
not dead, not going to be soon
I will always be here
when you feel your heart running
Towards home
Always
End of story

I wish to flay myself to strip away your stain
You that I near-loved
and You that caused my fall from grace

One who healed and saved
and another who unknowingly shunted
my chance of continuance

Counter balanced and marked
by my vulnerability and inner injury
The only similarities
between my sweet and my pain

I feel both of You on me
Haunting and afflicting

I won't heal from this
insult to injury
(and oh the guilt!)
'til I'm apt and equipt

God have mercy on me
and guide my way
I can't do this alone...

Loves pile high as credibility falls flat
as my heart after another "button" is pressed

Impossibility creeps to the front of mind
wanderings in the shape of a girl's secrets

Summer haze cannot strip away things
present long before I met your mouth movings

(Poetry wreaks havoc of minds unaware
of my privy billiard and/or therapy sessions)

This heart does not move in halves
but moves out of a sincere need for shelter
that is built from something honest
within the self but has yet to be found
without the help of another moving being

So Teddy, Delano, Chagal, and Holy Ghost be mine
only loves and lovers and leaders till I meet my miracle

From
"no more rosy gardens
no more craving curving
Let craving call
and beg and bawl
and face it tall
Let my soft skin have more sweet soft air on me.
Let boulders drown."

To
"Because everyone that I know
Every place that I go
Every story that I’m told
Its love
Its love
It’s love that we’re looking for"