The secret things
For no one but me
Kept always guarded
Only I have the key

I'll let you see them
But only in part.
I'll watch you closely
As you're touching my heart.

But as soon as you begin
To like what you see
The lock goes back on
So I can be free.

That may sound crazy
But I wait for the day
When my secret things
Will be given away.

I lay on your bed and you were brushing your teeth.
We continued our funny, loving, back and forth as best we could
Over the buzz of your electric tooth brush,
And through the doorway of the bathroom.

I felt so much at peace
And so happy to be in that moment
And so happy to be on that bed
And so happy to be in that house
and just to be with you...

Some especially silly comment must have passed between us...
You poked your head into the room and smiled at me,
Into me.
Poured joy into me and filled me up
And then you quickly disappeared
(probably to spit).

But then something completely unexpected happened.

My heart open up...
And a beam of warm fire poured out and straight up to God
Orange, yellow and red connection... up to God.

All I could do was lay back and enjoy the connection
and enjoy the Joy...
and enjoy the Love...

In my joy I thought that I should call you to me, to warm yourself, but all I could get out was "Oh Wow!"

And then... after a few minutes, maybe five... and you were walking back into the room, by attention turned to you and my Love went to you and the fire left me.

I have never felt so much love,
As I do with you.

Each day, she gives me no clue
To the conditions
That must be met 
In order for me to receive
The same sort of love
That I received yesterday.

She provides no hint at all
Of the changes that I need to make
In order to be perfect in her eyes.

She provides no guidance
As to how I can be any better man than I am,
Any more attentive,
Any more loving.

She says nothing about my faults...
She lists not my imperfections...
Her complaints about me are silent.

Then she take it even one step further.

She calls me handsome.

She says I am intelligent and useful.
She smiles when I enter the room.

And she kisses me...

Only because she wants to.

The shove,
The insult,
The push to the door...

Backing up, shocked, disbelief...

Clinging I am to the door frame.
Fighting I am to stay.

I am told that I must go... I am unwelcome.
I have no value. I am unneeded.

I fight, despite...
I cling to stay...
I don't want to go out into a world that I don't understand
One where I won't know where I stand... on sand...

But I am just adding my own injury to insult.
Life has changed and as I cling onto the door frame of the past,
I am tearing off my fingers... I am crippling my arms that are unneeded.

And so...

I let go...

and down I flow...

crashing down the stairs... bouncing towards the street...
arms flailing...

uncontrolled and bruising...

smashing my head against steps and hand-rails.

I finally come to rest
broken
lost
alone

and then I open my eyes and look past the blood trickling down from my nose or mouth or ear.... or all...

and I see something...

There... under the stair... always unseen until now.
There... under the stair... ignored all of these years on my trudge up to the door to the house where I lived... unwanted...

There... under the stair... a bag of gems. Sapphires... Rubies... Diamonds... riches never seen before.
Never appreciated.

I limp away... a lucky man.

Let’s go fly in my rocket ship
Out where the air is thin.
So I can learn all about the moon
And why the earth does spin.

And when we’re ready to take off
I hope there will be no delays
I’ve already got my white helmet on
And I’m wearing my favorite P.J.’s

I’m so glad you’re coming with me,
Rocket noises might make me scared
It seems this kind of adventure
Is one that’s better when shared.

We are flying out in space together
Past the Moon and out to Mars.
I am such a good “rememberer”
I won’t forget all of these stars.

I think that it’s time to fly back now,
To our Earth and it’s changing moon
I’m sleepy and I want to go to bed,
But I hope that we fly again soon.

For now I am just pretending
That I’m Space Girl Kailey May.
But I can do anything when I’m grown up,
On some bright and future day

I went home for Easter Sunday
During my senior year of college.
I was at that age
Where only my mother
Could call me a boy.

At one point in the weekend
When I was alone with my father
He tried to apologize
For all the things he had not done
When I was still a boy.

There are many things
My father never did.
He never called me stupid
He never yelled at me or demeaned me
He never clipped my wings
And he never clubbed my head.

Ther are other things
My father never did.
He never left home
He never came home drunk
He never beat my sister or brother
    or my mother
He never failed us.

There is one last thing
My father never did.
He never has told me he misses me
Nor have I said it to  him
But I could never doubt that he does
Because I do
And we are two of a similar kind.

On the day the summer ended, he was full of joy
And he danced of his joy.
He danced, and ran and tumbled on the grass,
And he danced like he never had before.

On the day the summer ended, he was full of life,
And he danced of his life.
He sang, and jumped and spun in the sun,
And the music beat in his heart.

On the day the summer ended, he was full of love,
And he danced of his love.
He wanted everyone to share his love and be with him,
And he danced on and on without thought.

On the day the summer ended, he was full of innocence,
And I danced for his innocence.
I loved him for who he was, free and alive.
And we danced until the summer was gone.