You werent there when I needed you most
I was never as much your son as a ghost


Drowning in the depths of severe mental afflictions
Oh don't I know this sensation so well
When everything seems to grind to a halt
While you languish inside your own hell
There is an unbelievable sense of friction
A feeling something close to nuclear fission
When we cannot break the surface
To find our sense of clarity and sanity
We struggle to survive at an unsafe depth
Where the pressure is so great we lose any sense of vanity
Where the darkness soaks into your soul with every breath
And you cannot understand how your existence has any purpose
I felt my mind slowly slipping so I swam into its sea
My bones are rusting from the acid in the mix
There is no escaping this you are sick until you die
There is no tonic or sensible quick fix
You are condemned to the dark until you cease to be
This disorder is a tragedy and i think its killing me
I'm loathe to fill my lungs with the death that exists here
But we don't have a choice; our fates are sealed
We stand out like rusted giants our sickness can't be concealed
And we live with the things that saturate us with fear
We are barely any better than the rest that exist here
We are legion but in reality we're alone
We are ****** and we are learning we can't make it on our own
We are barely treading water and so we drown
And we are taken by the sickness without resistance, without sound
I know that at any given point if I look around
I will find someone else who is on the journey down
To the blackest ocean in existence
This ocean cannot be discovered or found
It sloshes in the darkest places where you fall with little resistance
It takes you and it chokes the life out of your soul
It drowns you in sorrow so complete and so cold
And keeps you in its depths until death
Only then might your soul get a rest
But something in my heart makes me doubt it

I ripped my heart right out of the cavity of my chest
I left it bleeding and beating on the platform where the train was
I left it pooling in its own black blood while I stepped
Onto the train that had to take me away from our love
As if there was any other feeling that I could expect
Except the pain that the distance insidiously creates
A pain so severe it leaves me here trying to connect
As the train rumbles on and our lives separate
All week long I sit alone in silence and reflect
How we are so malleable in the hands of our own fates
And with your heart beating within me I can respect
How much pain we are willing to take just to try and make
This love grow, for it is more powerful than anyone knows
I am bleeding out for it so I know it isn't fake
I left my heart there on the platform because its yours to take
And the pain, it can seem so oppressing and extreme
Endless days are endlessly longer without you or so it seems
Because I have to leave something that's come to mean
So much to me, you are the woman of my dreams
There is nothing I wouldn't endure to bring your love to me
So don't you see, now we have each others hearts?
We have each others pain when we are forced to part
And we have had each others love right from the start
And though it hurts I will never let go
Even if  my flesh starts to tear so slow
If I am ripped in half, so be it, at least I died that way for you
Every second apart from you is like forever and there's nothing I can do
I left my heart there for you with no regret
Ripped it right out of my trembling breast
I am no way perfect and sometimes I regress
But with you I know I can be at my best
So I ripped my heart right out there in open air
And I left it for you because I know that you care
I am going to love you forever through the distance
For you the pain isn't too much to bear

And as he lit himself on fire
he though "you are all just liars"
And he knew deep in his heart
We wouldn't die for our beliefs
As the flames grew ever higher
and the man became a pyre
We realized right from the start
We were never really complete
And as we watched this martyr burn
Before us into ashes he did turn
We knew that he knew what it all really means
He would burn for his beliefs right out there on the street
For all of us to see he burned right in front of me
Sending a terrifying message with his manufactured scene
It is obscene, that we won't even stand up for our dreams
We get herded just like cattle to the end of everything
But that man, he went and chose a different way
He didn't want to be herded for another ******* day
I appreciated all his rage and his savage final play
And I think I understood right then what he was trying to say
Screams sounded out from the hollows in the daylight
As the people rushed towards ash and dust just so that they might
Help to save a poor depraved and crazed man with firm beliefs
It was at that moment that I felt like I could finally see
I doused myself and shouted out against the worlds injustice
I followed the example and led the most extreme of protests
I wept and screamed as my body burned, though I am not much of a crier
But sometimes in order to change the world you must set yourself on fire

He was swept out to sea and lost to the treacherous waves
His head broke water once or twice but he couldn't be saved
God did smite him to spite him for all  the love that he gave
And he looked up to heaven and he forgave
As he washed away there was no earthly thing that he craved
For what good does it do to curse
When disaster strikes you while you're at your worst
And you are stuck wishing the waves had taken you first
And dragged you out forever to sea
He found himself unable to break through the current, so he ceased to be
His forlorn lover waited like a stone upon the beach
To catch just a glimpse of the man she could no longer see
A man who had taught her what it was to be free
Now is it fair that he had to go?
Is it right that nobody knows
Where his soul went after his body went down below
Dragged out into eternity by the undertow
So she sits and waits for his return
Though it was long ago that his fate was learned
Because still her body yearned
For his seasick touch, caring and concerned
Then one day she finally broke down
As the waves receded and there in the sound
She found his body drowned
And his soul was no where in sight
The whole time he had watched her on that beach
Forever waiting and wanting but out of reach
"I'll be here waiting forever" he silently screamed
Just waiting for her to cease to be
And as she walked out in the waves
She looked to the sky to not be saved
And at that point she was filled with dismay
She didn't know if she'd find him there
At the end the air burst from her lungs
The ******* sound of the sea made her undone
And they were reunited as one
Two souls lost forever at sea
There was such beauty in her death
Her fearless attempt to reach across the stretch
of desolate darkness past the confines of the flesh
Just to find that she would be with her lover yet
Under the waves forever

They can never take away our pain
They can never understand all of our disappointments
They will always judge us but they will never know
We are not our failures
Do you remember times gone by when
You just felt like touching the sky and
Anything felt possible then?
Then time went by, things went wrong
With our mistakes we believed we belonged
Our mistakes led us on and on but
We are not our failures
Please believe the words between you and me
Please just see that together we
Can put to rest all of our failures
And voyage into tomorrow unafraid of falling rain
Because together we will conquer pain
We will make it through just the same
They make us who we are
Teach us lessons on the way
But they are not all of us
We are not our failures

Surrounded by the multitudes yet feeling so alone
Dreaming of your drug abuse while out there on your own
The silence plays a different way when you are lying by yourself
Somehow you found something so special in a connection with someone else
It's killing me to have to see the distance play its part
But the distance became much smaller when you lifted up my heart
Still sleeping here without you has a withering effect
So get here soon so me and you can sit down and reflect
And pierce the veil of quite loneliness in ways we can't expect

They sent me to a place far away through time and space
Deep in the woods where there was nothing safe
They told me it would fix me, program me to behave
I'll never be able to hide the scars that place gave
Locked away, beaten, berated and abused
It wasn't until later that it came out on the news
Only then was it shown that the horrors were all true
It helps to explain why the survivors are so few
They set us up for failure; set us up to lose
For most of us death was not a hard option to choose
I remember when Karlye hanged herself inside
A bathroom all alone and the staff left her to die
The behavioral modification was nothing more than just a lie
In a land with no liberty anything would fly
They flashed horrifying images rapidly up on a screen
While we listened to audio of tortured souls that screamed
Nothing there was ever what it seemed
Stuck inside the hell of Spring Creek Lodge Academy
Solitary confinement for days on end
Watching in horror as they beat your best friend
Within an inch of his life, again and again
From that day on you didn't want another to begin
They broke my mind to pieces in that place
But not matter how they tried my soul they couldn't take
Others weren't so fortunate; I've been to so many wakes
So much pain came from that place it would be impossible to fake
I hope this is the result you were looking for
When you had two men come in the night and take me out the door
I didn't talk to you for months, I came back forever changed
Like an animal, self destructive, angry and deranged
It didn't program me into the robot you wanted me to be
There is a reason over half of my fellow prisoners won't be seen
A suicide rate like that is so high
I don't blame a single one of them
Though you tried to take away their rights, they had the right to die
The only question left to answer now is why?