I could have ripped my heart right out of my chest
Or given you a million valid means of protest
and you still would have left
Your absence is so obvious; it haunts me while I sleep
It clouds over every moment and rips a hole so black and deep
Its killing me, such a silent assassin striking from the depths
How do you even question why I am depressed?
You walked out, all alone, much to my dismay
and obliterated everything you could along the way
Left me for dead; between the lines you read
between the lines is where I struggled for days
Just to make it out of the fire and into the abyss
Maybe it is just the abuse that I most miss
The soul ******* series of never ending mirrors
A lie behind every one, nothing ever seeming clearer
I was three feet away from you when you left me forever
I should have known, you *******, you were always very clever
When I woke up to your mom screaming in my face
I woke up to an entire life of feeling pure disgrace
I let you down, and you were the very best
friend I ever had
And all the ****** or money or god
Can never bring you back
You left me here on this earth alone
to wither and die with a heart of stone
And I will never forgive you for as long as I live
Because I will never be able to forgive
myself

Do you think that your safe
From the everyday tragedies that
inflict wounds upon the people for all of eternity?
That memory burns in me. The towers went down
Watching in shock no one dared made a sound
They ******* burned to the ground
And we had to go to war
Not since pearl harbor had this happened on our shore
The very heart of America tore
As we watched desperate people jump from windows up high
Our collective conscious couldn't understand why
so many innocent people had to die
People with families communities and homes
Pictures of their last moments the news couldn't leave alone
Twelve years later it still brings tears to my eyes
The day that changed America forever with planes in the skies
Rest in peace lost souls; you will never be forgotten
You are in a better place now, and you didn't die for nothing

New sores open like pores over my once perfect skin
The pressure in my head is building up yet again
As the cancer eats away I'm forced to contemplate the end
I guess in death I'll find out if I have any friends
It hurts me to say it but god I'm so scared
They say don't give up hope but I'm just not prepared
Soon I will be just a shadow of my former unimpressive self
As it eats away the marrow and turns my body against itself
When its over I hope you don't realize I'm gone
I hope the little things I did will somehow carry on
There might be reminders of who I was in clouds and in songs
Though I think everyone will be too busy living to listen
Every night I lay down now I lay down to die
Sometimes for a moment, just briefly, I shed a tear and cry
And wish I believed in something high in the sky
But like most things I've found out that heaven is a lie
So in all truth, yes, I am scared of the end
I am in no way prepared for the end
But the tumor is growing, so I'll send my love while I can
To all of you, everyone, incase I don't wake up again

Now look here baby girl it's only natural to be depressed

You're bound to see the bad things when you're looking for the best

The best is what you deserve; I don't want to see you settle for less

Please remember that I'm thinking of you when life seems like its a mess

I hear it in your so sad voice, I know you'll get up off the floor

Just remember that if one door shuts, well it's only just a door

A girl like you in a world like this is bound to see so many more

You just have to keep moving onward and upward just like you have before

When the going gets tough and you feel all alone and you're unsure of what to do

All I can say is that you've got a friend in me, a friend who wont ever leave you

I'll be by your side, until one of us dies, through the good times and the bad

I hope you know it hurts my soul to see you be so sad

So take my hand, use my love like a crutch to limp through troubled times

I don't expect a **** thing in return, its enough for me to know you'll be fine

I promise I can relate entirely to the anxiety that you feel

This life of mine has been crazy and sublime; anxiety is part of the deal

I know what its like to have such bad anxiety that you miss another meal

And no matter how tired you are you can't sleep

So my heart goes out to you sweetheart, and I swear every single word I say is true

I'll be here through the good and the bad; I'll be right here with you

Even if right here constitutes an actual distance that is a million miles away

I'm right by your side in spirit, I just want you to be ok

Please tell my brother not to look for me
Tell everyone I'm not the man I used to be
Things can't get better when you can't face the change
Things are always different when they don't stay the same
The shame just built up so I had to take leave
Had to find myself somewhere cause I was down on my knees
Down, but not out, I've learned so much on my way
Learned you gotta love yourself if you wanna be okay
The sad thing is that I can never go back
The future looms ahead while the past fades to black
I know that horrible pain awaits in the wings
I know that I have to learn so many more things
So please tell my brother not to look for me
Because I have no idea where I might be
All I know is I can never look back
So wish him luck on his own journey

Sometimes everything is broken
Sometimes everything is fine
Once in a while my pain is your fault
Mostly it is mine
Did Jesus ever get depressed
Do you think maybe he got down?
The only man who could walk on the water
Maybe instead wanted to drown?
I can relate to mixed emotions
I know what it's like to swing between extremes
Sometimes I feel like I could move mountains; oceans
Sometimes I just want to cease to be
The wild ride through downs and ups
There is medication that takes all of that away
Caring to much and not giving a ****
Knowing tomorrow wont ever feel just like today
If we are made in the image of God
Coming into this world chosen and anointed
Why is there times I feel like a fraud?
Why so often do we leave disappointed?
Does God take his Lithium
His SSRI's and his benzo's too?
If we are made in his perfect image
Then why can perfect feel so blue?
why is it that we all have something wrong?
Some deficiency or disorder
And why should we take our medication
When God is so bipolar?

A black heart as cold as the oceans below
A broken heart left to wither and slow
Did I consider it? The consequence?
Of trying but failing to reach for the sky?
I don't think I ever understood the implications
Of learning the answer to the question why
When I learned the answer my lust for life was killed
My shallow sense of hopelessness was filled
Set back every time and forced to rebuild
My idealism was riddled with holes of misconception
Lies just keep coming from inexplicable directions
And I'm glaringly aware of my every imperfection
Why do I bother to struggle through my days?
Like a rat without a clue I'm lost in the maze
When I hold the map I always choose the wrong ways
And I am too old to think that this is just a phase
This is never ending; this is considered real
There is no room for happiness in what you should feel
I don't think I can live like this
I can't live with the memories of the friends I miss
I can't deal with all of my past transgressions
God doesn't love me because I don't do confessions
I'm not important so I don't get exceptions
I just sink down into the depths of depression
How many times am I expected to fight back?
When do you throw in the towel against the attack?
The attack that forms the very basis of life
A life that is filled with so much terror and strife
Every day beats me down; it's harder to get back up every time
It becomes impossible to convince myself that I'm fine
So my heart turns black like coal from the mines
As my soul finds shelter in a simple configuration of lines
Soon this will be all that's left of me
I will never live up to the person I want to be
Some might label my loss a catastrophe
Remember I told you from the beginning that I was a mess?
From the day you first saw me you knew I was depressed
And we shared and understanding that if I were to go
It would be no ones fault but my own
Please don't try to stop it now
I can't handle what this world has in store
But I promise I will be by your side forever
And you wont have to deal with me anymore
Im sorry if you are saddened by the initial shock
I love you so much and I'll miss you a lot
But the only permanent way out of this mess
The only way to stop feeling so much more less
Is to hang it up at the end of a rope
Until the end separates the pain from my ghost
Out of everyone I hope you understand the most
Because you and I were so close
I don't want to leave you but I've got to go
I can't do this again my heart is so low
Please let me make the journey in peace
A journey with a destination so incredibly sweet
A destination defined by never ending sleep
I want to die, dear, and we both know it was in the cards
We both knew my future was always marred
Don't miss me too much; I won't leave you side
I'll always be with you long after I've died
And on the day that it happens I hope you won't cry
I will be so content to forever just lie
I dont deserve anything i have any way
I dont deserve the promise of another day
I dont deserve friends and i dont deserve you
So I think that dying is the best thing to do
Killing myself will be easy
Leaving you will be harder than you know
But I'm finally beaten down and broken
I'm sorry but I've got to go