A great battle between my past and the present

I came here to this stage to drop my words and vent.

Repent,

From my sins.

So what? I gave in.

Keep judging , not budging, thinking you're lies are gonna win

And inside I am boiling and toiling, the line is getting thin.

Working hard to keep cooled, I'm playing nice

But ya keep testing me and next time I might not think twice

To explode

Reload

And blast ya with the truth

Was trying to keep ties

But now they are coming loose

You won't listen, you won't try

You sit there like you know

Then why  do I cry?

Say I'm cold and I'm changed

Maybe I am, from all the pain

Is all this hurting me fun and what is there to gain

Keep pushing me away

And even though you don't know it today

You will and I promise regret your choices

Later on in your ear, you'll hear the voices

Its your mind nagging

And bagging on the decision you made

Try to push it away but the noise, it won't fade.

So keep the turmoil raging inside

Keep on the attack because you  have something to hide

How silly of me, to think in you I could confide

Change of ways, darker days, and to you I am seeing a new side

It is black and consumes

No more blossoms, nothing blooms

And my fire it burns, shut your mouth, no more turns

Just keep quiet and listen as I spit out the fumes

I am tired of this and of that

My heart has taken a beating like blows from a bat

Quit complaining and saying

Things that you know couldn't be real

*** miles become feet and feet become inches

And I am getting closer to showing you how I feel

You once had a cover to keep you looking clean

But now it is worn and it is starting to peel

And as all of this happens, I pick up steam

Moving on

Moving forward

Moving past

Better hurry and get wise

This offer just won't last

Once I'm over the edge

No I can't come back

Can handle a bruise but watch out I might crack

Think ya got what ya need but it's all going to lack

The one thing

The true meaning to this

The purity and bliss

Hope ya have fun *** that's what you'll miss.

Never-ending war wages behind the white picket fence line

Mommy dearest will greet you with a smile and assure you everything is fine

But behind closed doors it's a whole different world.

From outside it looks so wholesome but inside its dark and twisted

The kids beg for a normal life but it's sure they've missed it

From outer appearances, it looks like they're living the life

Till' the older one breaks and lets lose with a knife

And its hard to even go one night

Where there isn't screaming, pain, and fist fights

It's just not right

Unhealthy to both body and mind

Living life with no one to reach to that's kind

Normalcy is what everyone wants to believe

But if only inside one would find

The welts and bruises

The games and control that mommy always uses

To keep them afraid

Like animals in a zoo, locked in a cage

Continually bouncing between caring and rage

To her this power is all a little game

And sometimes the pressure builds and the victims struggle to stay sane

Ready to break at any second

Tired and worn from the continual attacks

The family base is weak and full of cracks

Compassion is what her heart lacks

Little one on her knees and crying

Sister can't stand to see her in pain and her heart feels like its dying

Her mind is rolling and feels regret

It's her fault, she was suppose to be the shield and be there to protect

Maybe Mom was right, she's just some reject

Made a promise to her lil baby sister and she couldn't follow through

Promised "I'll be there, I won't let her hurt you"

Finally they older and younger broke away

Went to their Daddy's but the middle one stayed

And paid

For the problems that she caused

"You ****** up and that's why you sisters' are gone"

Haha, Yes mommy just keep telling yourself that

Haha, Why am I laughing you ask? Why, because you're wrong.

They left because of you, come on now just swallow the truth

And for now I'm stuck but soon I'll be strong

I'll gain my wings and be moving along

And where will you be?

You really wanna know?

You will be all alone, in this cold empty home.

Left to yourself

You created this darkness, now live in your in hell

You've pushed too far

Look at your life and know you were the one who pulled us all apart.

A rush of heat runs through and over my body

Uncontrollable urges; my body is begging

His words fall upon my ears, and my body craves more

His smell, his face, and all his being drive me wild

I want so badly to feel his body press up against mine

To feel his hot whispers against my soft ears

My body aches for his

In my mind I hope

Malignant cancer
That you are
Metastasizing within my body and soul
Displacing the tissues of me
With your dark and threatening disease
From my blood you feed
Shiny, sharpened scalpel
To remove you from within
Pressing the blade against my tender skin
Trying to gain the strength
But I continue to let you take

Near death experiences surely open up your eyes
I finally saw the devil
In very clever disguise
I took a look in the mirror and I saw him in my eyes.
Feels like I’m fading from the world, so no one hears my cries
I found temptation where my demons seem to hide
Trying not to be the kind to follow
Yet to this sickness I did abide
Thought I could outwit it, and that’s when my world began to slide
Started with one wrong decision
And led to many others
Far beyond my vision
Like hurting those around me and my body in such a collision
For those people I love, I’m sorry, I can’t change it or make it right
But what this experience has done, is to turn on a glowing light
That helped me to see
To turn around my life
For those others with eyes upon me
Rumors and whispers I hear them speak
I understand my wrongdoing
That’s why I’m struggling to my feet
My disappointment in myself is already quite enough
Plenty of other obstacles to face
Besides your judgment, my life has gotten plenty tough
Only reason to look back now, is to learn from my mistake
So I can keep on climbing
My strength it will not break
Reality is waiting, and I’m ready to come back
From inside out I’ll remove this disease
I must be on the attack
I must be relentless and give no pull or slack

Don’t do that.

Give me that look of epitomized stupidity.

You must be kidding me.

Just stop before I lose control

Of everything and all I know.

Every time I open up I find myself getting hurt.

You don’t want to hear about my pain?

Why? *** is causes you discomfort.

So then its all about you?

Your life on that silver platter.

Read between the black and white, the grey matter.

Open up your eyes

Shed the hollow life, your living lies.

I’d test you, maybe bring out the best in you.

Try these on for size; my shoes

Take a journey of what I’ve been through.

I’ll like to see how you do.

So what if I have stumbled, I didn’t crash.

If it was you, do you think you woulda last?

No I didn’t burn, Went straight arrow

Never took the wrong turn.

Its been a never-ending battle.

Me against all

Everyone watching to see if I would fall.

But I won’t back down

I’ll crack down

Stay focused on what I have

May not be what I wanted but man it was the hand I was dealt

Sometimes I think love was an emotion I've never felt.

Even if I have to walk this life alone

I’ll be sure that one day

I could say,

Yea, that I made it on my own.

Nowadays I struggle when I look to find

something honest and pure

To rest the mind.

There is so much I wish that I’d never have to see

Young kids who barely know how to read

Resorting to a life on the street.

When times are dark and power is corrupt

Minds are brainwashed

And some many people are stuck

In a rut

And are trying to survive

Well I don’t get down like I use to

No I pull through

And why?

*** of the spirit

The Spirit in your eye

Whenever I am lost ,I now know I can be found

And who do I have to thank?

Well you

So true.

You brought me to a higher ground

Lifted.

Endowed with a power to overcome

I feel gifted

Like I have become strong

Far from where I have been, the journey has been long.

But worth every moment

I owned it

And now living my life in better ways

I can work for the better for all

In coming days.

-Tiffany S. Lewis