I am at home, alone.

I open the door to let them in.
Parasites.  
They are so familiar,
Beloved old friends.

No.
They do not come in.
I am led away,
Willingly.
Happily,
I offer my neck and wrists.
I need to feed the ones I love.
I give.

I am now in a daze.
The world looks dark.
Confused.
What happened?
How do I get home?
What will my beloved do without me,
If I leave them behind?
Will I survive?
Will they?
Does it matter?

No, it does not.
I fall to the ground,
Give up.
Dreams take hold.

Wake up!
My beloved have gone.
I am no longer providing sustenance.
I am outside of myself.

I recall my former home,
And begin to search.
Finally,
Alone,
I arrive.

Warm,
Happy,
Reconnected.
I remember this,
But it is different.
Fresh art adorns these walls.
New music plays.
It is bigger.
Changed.

This...
This is my home.

Words whip violently across my tongue's tattered sail,
lashing out at your shore.
Dunes retreat under pressure,
branches break,
your once wide beach appears a slim line of dust.

Still,
a rocky island remains.
Edges temporarily softened,
you are unchanged.

Leaves regrow atop new dunes,
your gentle sands settle gracefully back into place,
as my warm sun once again kisses your shores.

Forever your formidable companion,
you are mine.

Words whip violently across my tongue's tattered sail,
lashing out at your shore.
Dunes retreat under pressure,
branches break,
your once wide beach appears a slim line of dust.

Still,
a rocky island remains.
Edges temporarily softened,
you are unchanged.

Leaves regrow atop new dunes,
your gentle sands settle gracefully back into place,
as my warm sun once again kisses your shores.

Forever your formidable companion,
as you are mine.

So many dark days, not even sure the number.
Just that light at the end of the tunnel, drawing me.
Weak times, I sit down....
I lean against the tunnel's edge.
Other times I snap back up and run, forward, onward.
Sometimes it smells moldy in here.  

Suddenly, the end is right in front of me.  
I almost slip and fall out without even stopping to notice.
I stop, look back... smile.
Looking into the light, tears.

The sun has come out to play again, and so have I.

To lie on the floor
next to you
is a privilege
I've waited on my entire life.

Nature.

In your eyes
I see
beautiful knowledge
innocence
and unparalleled wisdom.

Volcano.

Me
something to discover
in your eyes
something to admire.

Previously
simply an image
constructed.

Exotic bird.

The unknown
is our dearest friend.

*Safe at last.

So tall
like a balloon
only withheld
by
its long string.

Let fly
high
above the rest
soaring.

So very high...

Deflation.

Burst
like a bubble
without air.

Jagged pieces
limp rubber *****
flop
downward
lifeless.

String
cumbersome
tangled
caught somewhere
between sky
and rock bottom.

Suspended pieces
never touch the ground.

Air
cannot be contained.

Freedom at last.

Disagree.
Tell me your favorite fears
I can take it.

Throw me away.
I might
decide
to come back.

Cuts in my soul
like chalk on my sidewalk
wash away
eventually
dust
where they once were.

Vibrant colors
adorn
fresh words
fresh newness
striking the stone.

Marks are so easily made.

Time passes
colors wash away
to white
to grey
a memory
invisible molecules.

And
the rock
remains still.

I did it...
I jumped
out of the box.
The box that had
nurtured
coddled
held me safely inside
for so long.

...or so I thought.
Is it safe to be
bored?
habitual?
stationary?

Boxes seem to hold
so many things
inside
like treasure troves.

But it's wrong
it's not true.
The box
in which I was held
held only me.

The bounty lies
outside.
Freedom
is necessary
and diversity
is beautiful.

The mind
only grows
outside.

Life throws me in a hole.
I crawl out-
dirt under my fingernails,
gravel stuck in my knees.

I rise.
I grow.
I learn,
and I prosper,
again.

The gravel will exude itself
in a few years
without splendor.

It reminds me
though
that it's all a big trial.

I cherish the gravel.

Contemplating,
considering,
the next move.

It sounds crazy,
but is it?
Is it the sanest thing
I've ever done in my life?
It just might be.

To leave everything you know
behind,
to jump into
the empty space...
it's freeing.

To take everything
you know and love,
and throw it to the wind,
in anticipation
of the next adventure...

It's crazy.
It hurts.
It's exciting.

In these moments
I recall
what life is all about.
Love.
Freedom.
Exploration.
Adventure.

Will this next leap
leave me bleeding?
Perhaps.

Will I regret
letting my soul
run free?
Never.

My heart
has a hard
but thin
shell.

I shall endure.

I have always been a thrill-seeker.
Always happily anticipating the next climb
the drop that follows
the subtle dip at the bottom before
the next climb
and the calming effect
caused by their succession.

Now life is a roller-coaster.
Up
down
cool wind...
Up
down again.

It scares me
but not the kind
that slathers my face
with a smile
the kind
that makes me want
to cry.

Yet, even as I currently sit
I know that
deep down
I love this roller-coaster
most of all.

It's just like the other kind
only...
This is the most
extreme
roller-coaster
in the world.

Thoughts and sounds
from years past
inspiring me
to dance
to write
to think
to believe.

This is love
and I love it.
Flowing freely
tickling my emotions
and memories.

People now seem too confused
with money
children
should do's
and would do's
and what other people think.

We are all children
we should live that way
as if each moment was brand new
a new experience
to be
cherished.

At times, I do believe...
I should have been born
forty or so years ago.

Strings
long strong and thin
connecting me to you in my mind.
In my heart.
Pulled so tight
I can hardly decide what to do
with myself.

Pacing
thinking
smiling
on thoughts of you.

Independence
I feared would be gone at this point.
Surprise!
Real things bring real happiness
what I feel
when I think of you.
Life expands.

Fueled by all that is me
all that my heart knows
no wonder these long strings
have yet to break.
I am tied
to you.

Two weeks, a whirlwind.
Grasping hands and locking lips,
love sneaks in.
Why do I never see this coming?
Perhaps it's never happened before, really.
Who am I to judge?

Rivers and jungles and foreign thoughts...
So far from here yet,
I have faith.
In you.
In love.
In that life will go on, either way.

And that another strong wind is coming.

Grass finds its way
between my toes
tickling my feet
as spiders scamper away
as if I am Godzilla
and each blade
a building.

Earth smells warm
and air smells sweet.
Spring dies
as tall grass
falls to the ground
and leaves adorn trees.

Birds fly
for the first time
in their lives.
Bullfrogs
serenade me
while coyotes
have parties.

People
outdoors
everywhere
with green thumbs
and hats
and ***** fingernails.

This is my moon.

Words flow freely
as does the wine.
Are these
truths?
Or inconsistencies?

I'm such a believer.

I am happy.

I like it this way.

My feelings confuse me again
and at the same time they don't.
I've felt this before
haven't I?
My heart says no.
It's never the same
never just like last time.

That is what I love about it.
Life
I realize
love.
It's all just so beautiful
changing
repeating
learning
teaching.

Maybe this time
it'll last
seems like it might
seems like love.

I feel sparks.

I learned
that I think like others do.
Many
many others.
Even from times and places
far in the past.

I feel unique
how can this be
I thought I was special.

I am.
We are
all so very special
so unique
so individual
so the same.

Common threads
holding tight
despite the chasms between.
What a beautiful thing.

So free...

to be ME.

I am a child.

I try my best
but it doesn't always work out the way I expected.

I learn from them
I grow.

I imagine.

Adults know everything.

I must be be a child.

Fall has come and gone in the Sierras.
The first fall I've seen in twelve years.

Like my life, of late.
The shedding of old unwanted things
for new ones.
Everything bare
ready for newness.
My old things
rather than tired leaves
are things like
feelings
resentments
unreasonable self-expectations
fears.

My new things
some of which are yet to be seen
are all filled with inspiration.
HAPPINESS.

It's about time.