tell me you love me, don't ever stop
hold me close and don't ever let go, don't
please don't leave me alone, i
can't be alone, i've
been in such a hole
but everything is okay when we're okay
but we haven't been okay
just tell me we're okay
you say we can talk more tomorrow
but i need you today

you and i've been through a lot in such a little time
but if there's one thing you and i know, that's how it goes in life
we've seen things no one should see, been places no one should go
that's how i know we're strong enough to crawl out of this hole
we've been put through wood chippers, we can handle busted knees
i'll hold onto you if you'll hold onto me

the course of my river runs your direction
i am always changing state with your temperature
i freeze when your go cold, and i am ice, and i am heavy
and when we heat up, i feel like floating
we are always fighting floods and heavy downpours
when i can't do it, when you can't stop it
when we run circles around each other's feelings,
my exhaustion, your ever-changing
our little personal storm
sometimes you stay cold for so long and i am so tired of being frozen
waiting for your spring, waiting for your summer
god, right now, i am frigid
and i know i can't speed this up, i can't thaw this out,
some things must die to make room for more life,
but i am so tired
of being so cold

i fold my troubles into little envelopes
like fifth grade notes, like childhood secrets
i slip them safe into my back pocket

on wednesday you sit in the bathtub for two and a half hours
not washing, not even your hair, just kinda sitting
you know it's gross, you see the state of the water, you watch your toes prune
but nothing exists here, except maybe the internet, and time, and that's not a peace you're granted often,
so you sit.

when you get to your room
your ***** clothes will smell, and your clean clothes will be downstairs
from saturday, when you had the energy to wash them but not to put them away,
so you sit and stare at the tile,
try not to focus too ******* the pain in your back, between your shoulder blades and up your neck

you feel the time pass
it is noon,
which is 4 hours until 1 hour until you have to go to work,
not nearly enough time,
4 hours until 1 hour, 3 hours until 1 hour until 1 hour, 2 hours until 1 hour until 2 hours,
your brain creating these strange, non-existent deadlines
so you never really relax,
just dissolve into ***** bathwater,
counting down to nothing

you put the bird in the cage and set it on the windowsill
you put the bird in a cage so small he cannot spread his wings
you put the bird in the cage and the cage by the window
still you question why the bird never sings

my heart is trying to escape again
clawing at the cage it's in
a burning coal that seers my chest

i am sitting still but my soul is restless
my youth at war with my state of being
the midwest is no place for dreamers
and if i am not living i might as well be dead