we both knew
before it began
you picked him
for his insignificance.

his only talents,
playing the new age sensitive guy
and destroying marriages.
tho it turns out
you're pretty skilled yourself.

I smiled when
,as easily as our marriage,
you dropped him in the landfill you call your past
when he'd served his purpose.

And yes, that's a petty satisfaction of sorts

If this is the path
to enlightenment
someone please
show me the trail
marked ignorant bliss!

I’m sorry
I just wasn’t up to
the emotional dishonesty
and ******-drama
required to ****** you
and give you your excuse
to tell the world, later
how you were disappointed
again
by another man

i wondered
in that world-changing first glance
what would it be like to
wake to such beauty
each morning
sleep in your graceful presence
at night
and live a dream
every day

now that i know
i keep hoping
for a graceless outburst
a moment of callous judgement
some random act of cruelty

so i could know that
maybe, just maybe
i could survive
missing you

there is this certain house
call it the beach house
once a well-worn respite,
it's quaint disrepair no longer charms

sands that once barely dared  
brush against the steps
victory dance over the porch
and through the warped, unclosed door
as it hangs nearly unhinged

passersby notice
much as hazy eyed prostitutes
stare thru effete johns
from that absent mind place
where it wouldn't occur
to look inside

some days
it's enough
to go from horizontal
to

v
e
r
t
i
c
a
l

feed the kids,
kick them out
and find some one thing,
worth doing

i don’t
have hope
for recovery
tho i'll understand
the miracle of
holding your head in my hands
and the subversive joy
of buying your ticket
coach class to Iran
to pick up some saffron
and maybe some new friends
amidst opposition
from those that love you
and want to keep you safe