How the past hides beneath the skin,
Burrows into the brain, gnaws at the soul,
Recalls my painful past, darkly remembered-
Waking dreams becoming all so real in sleep
When the mind is frail, open to memories, becoming a
Great and terrible grief in the heart;
Nightmares that rob sleep and leave dark
Shadows across my waking life.
There is a terrible ache within me,
Deep, dark, sharp; a small death that occurs minute by minute
Each day, every day without end.

I keep busy, filling my day with small tasks,
Keeping the oncoming night at bay until
Sleep over powers my body, demanding an end to psychic pain.
I know not my bed; my pillow is a stranger to my head.
Like a small child, I fight against slumber,
Fling the night from myself,
Fearing above all else, the torment of sleep.
Neither alcohol nor tranquilizers dampen the
Raging heat of mind nor quench the ache in my soul.
I would gladly die for one single night of forgetfulness.

Sometimes, I seek death.
Is it the end of life, or is only the root of
Eternal memory, a reliving of all that has brought me to this end?
How I seek sleep, deep, dark, without dreams,
Devoid of self, deathless until the day’s beginnings.
Sleep eludes me. Memories clash within my soul and I am
Sleepless. Each new day mocks me.
I wake before the new dawn.
The specter of the night haunts me.
I am yet in the night, remaing in the dark,
Still in darkness, still part of the night.

Music I heard with you was more than music when I was with you
Poetry read was more than mere words when I was with you
Music and words meant more when I was with you
Moonlight thru the trees was more romantic when I was you and
Memories of you are so much more now that you are gone.
Moonlight, the final measures of a melody, the whispered stanzas of a small poem
Are all that remain of you, and I am so alone. I am so alone.
I remember: I am alone with the memories.
If only you remembered as well!
Do you remember? Can you, or must the memories be mine alone?
I recall so clearly, the moonlight and the sear, black branches of leafless trees, clawing, reaching toward the wan moon.
Do you remember? Do you remember those words uttered beneath the pale moon light, beneath the black, leafless trees, the Words that wrapped us all about, that bound us one to the other?
Each word was a sacred oath that bound us together sworn till death do us part?
Do you remember?
That oath, the sacred word each of us swore beneath that wan, sinking moon, the
Eternal lamp lit beneath that pale moon hot in our breaths, that
lit our way to this, our last day in that light?
To this day, the time of our parting.
There was the light and now is the darkness of our parting.
I cannot comprehend this darkness.

I want out!
I don't know why.
I just do.
That's reason enough!
Perhaps you need a reason.
I don't. I'm a dog. That's reason enough!
It's not important that you know.
I do. That's reason enough!
So, let me out, right now!
If you need to wait in the cold until I'm done,
So be it.
I don't care that it's cold.
I'll let you know when I'm ready to come in.
When I'm ready, I'll let you know with a quick bark.
I have important things to do!
I smell something I need to check out.
I see something I need to investigate.
I can't help it if you don't see it or smell it-
It's important! I got'ta check it out!
Just relax. I'll give you a bark when I want in!

OK, I want in.

I wait while you die
I wait as you take your last breath
As life flees you.
I die too. I die a little with the last breath you take.
Good bye, my beloved little friend.

Life continues. I arise each morning and ready myself for the day ahead.
Only I know the ultimate pain of your empty bowl on the floor.
No one else feels the terrible pain of your empty dish
Upon the floor. No one else feels the hurt as
I open the door for your morning run and
you are not there.
I stand, gazing at the lonely yard made sad by your absence.

I see you clearly even as I know you are no more.
I have washed your bowl and put in a special place
Close to my memories of you.
Your toys are still scattered upon the living room floor.
You still exist in that secret place that was ours alone.
I seldom intrude into that place. I will always see you there.

Perhaps I will share it with you?- our special place,
yours and mine alone.
I wonder: how could such an innocent being,
Such a small, little four- legged, furry being leave so
Great a hole in my life?
I have never loved so completely nor have been
Loved so completely before you came into my life.
I will always be half myself without you.
You were so much more than a small dog.

You were my constant companion, sharing equally
My joys and hurts. You alleviated all the pains of life.
You loved me without question, requesting nothing in return.
The empty place in my soul will never be filled.

I'm reformed now, but I miss my good friends
Al K. Hall and Nick O. Tine!
Where have you both gone my good buddies?
I do miss you both and all the
good times we had together.

My wife and the church
tell me we should not associate.
I know this but I do miss you both.
Such memories!
I do sure miss you both all the
good memories we had together.

I stopped by the old bar yesterday
just to say Hi! to Jake the bartender.
He remembered me right off, but do you?
I sure miss it,
You both and me together.

Good old alcohol and
that great nicotine.
How swell we got on together!
Seems like only yesterday
we sat at the bar
the three of us together.

Now, wife and church-
they have broken up that old gang!
Oh! how I miss my old friends
Al K. Hall and Nick O. Tine!

Do you remember when last we walked here together?
When the fitful winds blew and the leaves fluttered like
Small birds in your hair?
It was in the autumn and the leaves were red and gold
And caught in your hair, blowing about every where.
Behind us, our footprints, so close together, left a
Trail in the damp  sand. Your hand was clasped in
Mine and we were inseparable as the clouds and the sky.
The wind swept up your skirt and you
Danced about, gathering it about your legs.
That was long ago in the time of our youth...
We were so young, and so too, was our future;
All the years were so new. We seemed to have
Forever; the new years stretched out before us.
Time was ours. The future was ours to be
Lived together, to be held tight to our
*******, marked only by the beat of our hearts.
Where have you gone?
Where has our time together gone?
Now I am old.
My body weathers.
My hands are knurled and twisted in pain as I grasp for
Memories of you.
We spent our years unwisely and now must
Pay forever for our aimless youth and our hurtful words.
When did we grow apart?
Why did we not regard with understanding an love the
Word each of us swore to the other?

There, where  sacred rainbows
touch that far distant land
where the black crows
fly over the purple hill
and sweep and spiral thru high clouds
calling with lonely shrill
eternal voice-

There my fretful soul can rest
and my body abide
upon Nature's breast
where my spirit can sweep and soar
and fly high and high and higher still
until it gains entrance at heaven's door
and finds rest for evermore.