Next me is a wall
or rather a semi wall
for alluding to an imaginary pathway that guides
or rather
divides people who want to study in the casual study room versus the quiet area.

There is a circular hole in this black wall next to me
and past the black paint, I can see the particle board
that makes up this wall. Then past this particle board
there is space- nothing, a power supply to the outlets built in that I am using now , a camera maybe, cables to the tv on the other side of this semi-wall.

Next to that are my 2 wall chargers that charging my computer
and my phone. And of course my phone, computer
but also, Casio watch and two band-aids- barely visible on the white table background.

Before me
is my laptop
not you,
but my laptop.

next me is my water bottle
metal
a used paper towel
moist
hand cream
closed,

three books

my headphones

next to me is an empty seat
and you are not in it.

but you are not even so specific
as these objects,

you are vague and elusive

you are always leaving
whoever I think you might be

once
maybe right here even
opposite where I sit now
we sat together
and tried to study and couldn't
I gripped your thigh tightly  
and desire for you
and an assertion of your presence
and my true love for you
flowed through me
so legibly

and now the spirit of love
has left that person
and passed through so many others
who are also
not
here
now

Right now
sitting in a Library
and a phone was ringing about 5 minutes ago

no wait,

Right now
i can hear me typing

while I type

I am not going back and editing the words I write
so no repeating
thud thud thud
of the delete button.

I said the phone rang before
for it was its almost comical or theatrical
but let me distinguish, NOT its dramatic effect
in which
I placed the carelessness of a vague email I had just received.

Let me correct, Facebook message
that I received.

A friend, who I had fallen out with
suggesting we reconnect as holding a grudge was

-and again that same ring - this time from the help desk in front of me
rather than the security desk behind me rang.-

was unnecessary.

With all the ringing phones- timid conversation- and typing- with my academic books right next to me- among going through emails- with plans to go home later tonight and make dinner- feeling like everything is flowing so calmly in this library- I would not need to take him up on his offer.

And this seemed to make sense
whether it made me a *******
and my lingering desire to stay
lonely makes more sense to me
than trying to keep really unfrie-
ndly 'friends' around- or desper-
ately trying to cling to whatever
friends I can.

Perhaps I am ******* either
way, depending on how you look
at it.
But right now I not feeling any more pain
than in my left index finger nail
where I have cut it too short.

Coffee makes you ****.
Even if you just had a ****- if you drink coffee,
you will **** again.

its like some weird impulse,
like pavlova dogs and the bell.

I wonder,
while taking a ****, though not having had a coffee today,
if we were somehow enslaved by some previous higher society
of mass corporation
that made us drink coffee and **** when we had it,
as some survival method no doubt.

A pseudo safe
Gave the ayes
It's not the grave;
The why's.

The steel bedframe you helped me pick
Is so cold
and Now you sit
In the cafe we used to
And we'd argue the most complex things about whether we'd work or not
And that time is long since gone
Facing away from the street
You have your next man cornered
So he maybe gets his stuff together better than me
While you inquire
And offer him the world

Fight in the office
But it's still a box
Thought you were an island
But you were just a rock
A Strange shape sure
but silent though nothing's wrong

Isolated from The legend
And you don't belong
;Something still sounds off
With the way you cough

I mean we both know your lungs aren't so pure
And your teeth are too long
But since it's out of fashion
To withhold the cure
Stupidly, So is it To be strong

A maze with no walls
They move too
But sometimes stop

Sometimes,
I want to be beaten
in a sleeping
bag
feel the bruises full of pulp bloat
then drag

I can see this dark figure
sometimes
full of blues
and its pretty bad

Found it in between my eyes one night gloating
but not glad
I find too often Im cross
when I've gone too far and said it all

I wanted to say that there was some sort of filter
but no sooner would I wilt
than share every secret
though more so spill

Did you know that coffee grounds are good for plants and land fills?

Sometimes
I want to believe in God
Some religion
Instead of relying on this figment of my imagination
where I am always responsible:
both the Window and the Sill.

The General impression
that the fading away bit
had already taken place

But something still  stirred
Like the fortitude of cellos - But only what they've faced
its like you’ve        chugged
someone else’s         blood

it would look so hurt
but its on the inside

pouring boiling water over jello
but its already been made
The recipe had taken place
That part is over

oh contain yourself
“Its in a container”

Settle down
-“I am a settler”

-of this fair land
-
-you belong here
-its not fair
-You cant do wrong
-But where?

but its worn.

There is this consensus
you are washed up
but whats a shore?

I sense I am irrelevant through your irreverence
in the other room cheap songs of love played under the ones I choose
let me speak to you like an idiot - and that makes me smart
“*******”
softly entered -
then blurred my vision
I think I am sick
but dont know it yet
but Im probably alright
and I am glad I feel alright

dont sweat it
but sweat it out
“at the end of the day right”
with a long line of acquaintances

what are you raising your eyebrows about
with reactions like that - you shall be the subject of another bout

Every september feels a fresh start
and yet a brisk end

If you want some understanding
stop taking everything for granted

I cant profess
I can confess

an *** kicking or an *** kissing

basket hats are out
the autumn is in
I can feel it
the leaves are falling
and I feel I know everyone that passes
**** this is religion.

Both the scholar and soldier
smolder for something more

-

If I dont struggle
then I dont write
its so simple;
to need a fight

a wrinkle in the cool light
a misty mouthful
of autumn rain.

I’ve seen it all
at least most of the words in the suit case
and in turn
a freedom self gained
to enact whichever change;
like things liked to die.


but something I still cant remember
was, if I was estranged
if I was the same
but if that was lame

no house now howls nor hawk cries
nye shriek the syllables
of a growling night

I find as I finally want to send a letter
I discover the daunt- the mail box slaughtered

Occasionally I feel the curious mystery that sustains in khaki
bows and the mystery of planes
as an emporium of leaves immerse the night
swallowed in the open plains of plaid or locked in the wood behind the walls in home on the range
a wonder
of crosshatch
and deliver
in the answer
I curiously consider
"what thing would dispel
such a calming
emulsion?"

Be a Wizard
splash your confetti at me
and disappear

I did my research
but I don’t remember any of those words

but Ill see you when you are near.
I can feel I am closer
to writing in a notebook
just to find out how it hears
than to recover
or restore
a binding,
that looks as though it falls before

your beanie cap
and you walk away
so different each time
is that not reason enough to love you in the mind

There is no forward or back
I can't
Make, Progress
each time is fresh
Besides the fact its baked
under a pilot light

On a stage
The same height
as the eyes of everyone who listens
Im learning lessons each time

But Maybe you aren't even looking
this way
sharing a pint
but really,
you each have your own
thought thats not the point

and Im part
of the furniture
we've argued if I constitute a local
but sometimes you come to a come to a wall
and other times it just grabs you and pulls
you into the sheetrock

I live in a fantasy
Im the best singer
and everyone is listening

I don't know if I am
made of wood or metal yet
this curses will weld
or melt
maybe they will catch flames

but Id expect that they were in the foundations
and really, its simply covered in felt.

Your Love didn't move
its just different

Hey,
How are you?
-go---away-----

Cross things off Instead of erase and feel lost
but you dont have to think I am lame because
its too late to wear aviators-since its not the summer
and I got arthritis.
Feeling swept up in fall like brushing leaves off the sidewalk

I was captain bazaar with my sidekick
flying in on a broken engine
smoke rushing out the side
trying to lift a plane
the subsequent pain in my wrists
and the rest of my limbs
brought me to this bridge

its another thing;
multifaceted.
clever coat
and correct.

I am trying to preserve the perverse
I want to save
and tell you its ok
drink my blood
and hug a nurse

sell you faith
a cellophane
to preserve.
or just cover the poor.
then cover up the perverse
in the corner with the dunce cap.
and cello-tape
drawing things together
Make everything ok.
(in a canadian accent)

open another door and receive a cookie
but I want to be the man who cooks it
as this is my fine establishment

I will be the coarse thing
that turns everything else smooth
let things run their course
and come to a dust that we can compromise on

but who will pay these wages?
do I want to be the guy that stands at the entrance letting everybody in?
Hell maybe- if Id already been.

Aries bound I need boundaries
Not to be the rebound
but I believe things beyond
and so work with some stupid clock
but we all do that do we not?

not astrology - though logically
there has got to be some piece of you in me
or some "one" that we all come from
and pull on the long robe of
when we find ourselves in need of love

What doorbells and picture frame
take me behind the scenes -
to the make-up and gossip of God's escapades?

of course times of a willing wage; both the wars and lustful ways

in a club he slapped the room with a rage- as the beat grows fonder
and more closely - immediately forgotten
even as it just begins

but of course only after, reminisce
with our pure imagination
the scenic route with a violin

whether its out or just come in
or **** like the economical loot
depending how you chose to hear it
and you can still choose

certainly the sounds that aren't there
that we think count like the accents
that shape a world of difference

is it enough for you to redo

I find too often I smile with a frown
I am a boundary but still Aries bound

I want shut eye
And to shut off
Making it worth the wait
Laying in the double duvet
There will be nothing done today
- starting from the early AM
Of course when
In apathetic stance
Which sounds so concerned
I asked and answered,
So repulsed and sure
And then again in collaboration
So what?

If there is itch tangle or sore
Nothing lasting or making sense because of it, and then wishing off to shut
Asking and then answering again
So what.

Given your hands in the benevolent shadows gloom
I grasped the deep, and true colors bloom
In fire-lit hindsight
The ways that bodies exhausted temporal efforts
Through and over
Christmas warmth and holidays alike
Wishing for repetitive cuts
Lines thick and robust
Yet to bend above the high bar
Living in exorbitant envy and simultaneous lust
I wished for words to keep a man up
As Edgar Allen Poe to return
And Onto nightmares haunt
And in profuse soliloquy I discussed
Addressed and caressed the audience and applauded with further praise and *** laude the asked answer of so what.

Carefully to plot
With a protractor and fingers
Then put - in holes all around problems and solutions-
No hole without end instead whole in my hands cusped
I repeat my concern and eternal quest of lines so crossed -
In-absolute and aloof and lost
Returned the question of so what?

Physics cant fix it
I need a chemist
I appreciate the limits
and entropy

chaperoning heliocentrism
I captured that cat
with whiskers painted on
like a football player
you are a quarter back
but either way a star
but I am a lineman
and take the hits.

this is all intentional.
and this isn't.

Is this seclusion or am I being seduced
I am Ostracized
but yet you move to the other side of the room
it easy to see how I am confused
when you make all the calls
and yet I’d be expected to call you.

An Irish tap
Between east and west
And still thin sticks exist
And small clouds that
Come in small
And Leave out tall Japanese trees

Ai Wei Wei and his Adam's apple
Tunnel through the catacombs
And the universal plateau

A desert awaits with needs
Everglades and tall Japanese trees

Elated as daisies and semi tones touching yellow bones

Fabric scrapes of the lint and intermittent highways

Make shift ufos with clamouring pans as protective plans or deterrent answers

Glamorous
And amorous
Voids the ear
Conversation Awaits
Looking forward
And the rest is history

I grew up with game stop and kids swap yet sometimes fruit striped gum was not enough. Found on tights leading to great thighs and bums. Yet sometimes it was not enough.

An intoxicated glaze covers my face makes it easier to cover the space between us.

I don't want any trouble - said to the stumbled man of mystery. Yet no double standard for this trial and error trying to resolve what we thought were the answers.

The scent of pasta sauce and **** in the doorway

whenever I talk about art my mind gets so flattened
I wondered if I did wrong tormenting the album horn of plenty by Grizzly bear- I was listening to the song "don't ask" and I saw myself singing a cover of it- it was so **** good to hear for the first time. I wondered what I should do sitting opposite a cute girl I just had this exhausting conversation with. I wondered if I got up and left if she would want me more or something- I was wondering if something happened between us and one day she said she loved me what her first impression would be- why she fell in love with me- maybe the fact I displayed a passion. She said she was born in august- I knew she was a Leo- as am I - though I didn't take the arbitrary source of attraction too seriously anymore- given my last relationship with an aries was hell. Though I did learn a lot; This seemingly was my mind in the wake of all the strange patterns I once had- before and when I met her- I was trying to change these. I saw she had tinder on her phone- and I knew today after a talk with some ******* OkCupid - this is not how you meet women. So I wondered if I should delete it before I get to know her better or worse- get matched with her on there. I thought maybe she had a boyfriend - she was doing a masters - maybe she thinks she was too old for me - I don't know. excuses excuses. I sneak a look at her- she has a nice nose.. I don't know why- but I always check a girls nose out- its one of the things I find I fall in love with easiest. I thought about the song- how I always wanted to write music like this or like the fleet foxes. One of the few bands that both me and alice liked- she said at the end of it- something about how we don't like the same music or our sense of humor was off - and that we should just be friends because of that. I realize she always had a really strong front- Evidently that wasn't what she wanted- just some friendship- but I knew that. I want to say she was weak for not telling me the truth at the end. That the music thing was just ******* and there were other reasons we had for not being together. But I guess she really wanted to separate - given the fact she made it the trivial and banal and subjective of reasons for not working together. The saddest part about it all was that I still feel we had something though I know that is probably *******.

Last night I gave her friend Xiaoxuan some relationship advice- since I realized a lot of things lately and I guess she kinda valued my opinion or something- idk tbh I think she probably just really wanted to talk about her hopeless romance as a way of rationalizing her hopeless love interest that she didn't even have- I would know since I literally just did that with Alice. Though I still think we had something- though I guess through her I am learning a greater sense of self love. I told her she should get out of that situation with some guy who had a girlfriend and led her on calling her his second best.

Today I had plans to meet a girl I almost went out with who chose another guy over me. We stopped contact for a while- and then she messaged me we started talking again trying to be friends. she was also an aries.. odd. We were going to go to yo sushi to take advantage of the blue mondays deal and she did something strange and yet unusually familiar. She messaged me at 6 today to say she couldn't make it today. then again at 8 to say never mind. I asked her ***? and she said she didn't sleep - we spoke for a bit and I said "so yes then?" and I seem to remember her saying something like yes. so we continued to chat and then she cancels again saying she feels like ****. And then it hit me gently- I was in the same position as Xiaoxuan. and a few pieces fell into place- for one I remember how only a day before we were talking and she said are we still meet ing for lunch- I didn't reply - I told I was annoyed and didn't feel like chatting- e.g. *******. and Then she sent me this message- something ilk if you don't tell me in 10 hours I am making other plans- I said of course I want to go - I asked you to begin with after all. And just as calmly as I realized her playing me - messaging me at 2 and calling me sug sug and all that ****- I calmly told her that what she was doing was really rude- canceling 2 hours before meeting- as I made a distinct effort to make myself available to meet- and she was disrespecting me by canceling like that - especially bc i had some **** bad hay fever this morning anyway- I realized I made myself too available for people that are unavailable- but they are only unavailable usually because I am so available. As soon as I told this bothered me she behaved really callous to me - so I know exactly what she was up to. I felt good for telling her this ****** me off- but to be honest I got a bunch of pizza last night with Xiaoxuan. She didn't have any - but rather picked off the remains- the first night I had oregano since I last saw alice and we had that horribly awkward "date" with Xiaoxuan. I gave a few slices to a homeless man who said he hadn't eaten in 2 days. I felt bad for him and gave him 3 slices. He was nice guy and I could tell he was just hungry. It felt good helping someone else out for once- if anything I couldn't imaging me saying no.

I remembered some other special advice I gave to Xiaoxuan - that she should contact the girlfriend of that guy who was playing her. Because clearly he wasn't happy just with her. It was evident that it was the same with most people I knew in relationships- except for Alice.

She had 2 boyfriends since she was 13 and seemingly had a perfect sort of upbringing. I hurt me to think that she might of felt bad at any single moment and could tell me or anyone else about it. She had to be grotesquely strong inside to keep all those feelings in - since no one has a perfect childhood. Or maybe she was the one person who did.

I felt it was a shame that high self esteem would have to be passed on so callously through example. I realized she felt good about herself most of the time. And didn't have constant regrets and bad feelings about herself as I- and most people have. And thats why she couldn't stand for me I suppose. Since I was all too aware of the sensitive nature of peoples nature.

I find it would be a paradox to be so independent and feel so good on my own - and that somehow that would make me a better lover- or more liable to get into a relationship. Rationalizing emotions- seemed ludicrous and yet made so much sense. Given the situation I got myself into with Alice I can't blame her for everything- that would keep me from learning- was one of the few lessons I learned.  

Something about this girl reminded me or Elena- someone who I think was in love with me at a certain point. And I treated her like every girl I "fell in love" with treated me.

May was the girls name. She just got up and left. She added me on Facebook and we said maybe one day we will meet to play some music or something - she sang. We just had a last minute conversation- about why my work was late- how I was kinda depressed - but I was feeling better now- more or less. She recommended  I get a girlfriend- which confused me. Since that was quite explicit- but yet suggestive but I won't think about it- since my mind is three feet below my thoughts and three feet above my heart -and it's probably ******* anyway.

on my window sill
there they stayed collecting dust
and all the sun they need
but not a drop of soil or rain

I could smell the horse **** rubbed into the rusted banjo strings- only by the ends did they still resemble their first form- hay.

She laid there on her stomach and gave me her heart on a silver plate

It was so much more than letting me into your fort

I didn't recognise it at the time
But I should have said
You have been the best thing that has ever happened to me
You are special to me - I don't want to be with anyone else and I mean it

I didn't though
Even though that's what I really meant
But it wasn't just because I was scared
When you told me you ****** that 34 year old guy I met one night- the one night we didn't hang out-
I sorta refused to process it- not that we were together -but you mattered - it's aggravating contemplating the things that we cannot count

You told me it matters the day before we spoke for the last time -
I said some additional stupid **** when you said let's just be friends for the last time yet again-
Just to really kick it in.

I wonder if I could have just said it all to you then
But Alive and well you are
So much more intimidating - especially to date
I know I could say it now
But I think I could only say it knowing now that you are dead

I was there with my friends
or a character from a movie that resembled me
on some long street
and we were scared the police would show up
we ran away into the forest
not that we were doing anything wrong
just out to late
though we did have a few drinks

I find its important
to not become convoluted or confused
with what rhymes and makes sense
and whatever the story is
though by nature it is always different.

I could have swore this was some dream I had
or maybe it actually happened
or was it a tale my friends told me-
something that happened to them?

**** it, its strange and painful; remembering

A well roped mast
but not through my heart strings
but my hands
and my fingers
each one deciding on what to do
and the activities with which they are amused
will determine a habitual future

So I said how I felt
and you left
and I never heard from you again.

Its interesting how things backfire.

Sometimes you get a hand you simply like
and you won't know if you have the right pair
until you get to the end

but in the meanwhile you are investing
into q 2 -same suit
just hoping this is the one

and you won't let go
they just look so perfect together

since you know theres no difference - or perhaps the slightest
between the worst cards and the best
quote on quote

since setting is half the story
what everyone else is playing affects yours
and I know its hard to follow
but there are rules you know

so instead
bank it all on a feather
whilst you wait for death
just remember
to know when to go all in
and also
when to quit.

Arranged temptations
and the waves of eyes looked up to the skies

wincing in the sunshine
and constricting in the moonshine

lacking direction the succinct steps
aptly named the sparks and saps that retained
the nature to maintain the martian
river and the mountain surrounded by.
both near and far the errors of silhouettes and how they remarked on such high expectations.

quickly shut, opened and parked the car.

sliding closed the arrows and bows suitcases and shows and bouncing pillows. To arrive so fast and slowly

depart.

its the impact
and the implant
that survive this stance
this attraction

I want it to last
between us that we could advance
into another level
of human being

one that obey rules of action
to behave in
and stay that way
we then trickle into separate rooms

choose our future
I know its cocooned either way
and then cached into the files
in that steel frame

when we then return
rolling out like a rolodex of information
waving it in front of each others face
like a roll of hundred dollar bills

and we undo the band
hand out a few
in either direction
to which their rolls others will add
I sincerely appreciate it.

This body, the body,
is built,
or shaped,
now into contemporary
catagories,

the body is a place for secrets.

as a pomegranate that
has its seeds pulled back
and a thin film comes between
the next layer of skin.

waiting to leak out
or to be lifted up
for a kiss
I’m
feasting on the twine

the fruits off the vine
the sweetest I choose
or the ones who
rest in the grass below
and silently bloom
leaving their seeds
to near
to grow

these fruit bearers
and the zip files
and fields they include

From where do we gather such illusions
People’s portraits on medieval displays
with icons on the sides and
all around

it makes sick
that we can have drops in the bucket
to which there is no lid;
and it overflows

I cant pay attention
or want to listen
nothing matters
or makes sense

there is no mound of dirt
there are no mountains
we are no trees
growing
and learning

I found I am obtruding
Against the ceiling
Im like bubble wrap
or a balloon
waiting to blow
or to bloom

I wished I could disintegrate
into a bomb of flowers
like the credits
of the pink panthers

and acknowledge
the illusionary trick
and peoples portraits
on medieval displays

so we talk about speculated numbers
and death in the plague
and its all so vague
waiting to die

for all I know
is I have 95 minutes left in my last class
my body is sore
and no one loves me anymore
and so quickly
be kicked

this is no story I can dig

sooner than be crucified stretched
close inside my self

How I hope to be remembered
How I cope to be remembered
are never the same

There's no shame, in removing your shoes
We just don't want the plague
well We'll just wait till it's gone away

So I'm eating out of your hand
Magnum grapes, and
The last look from planes
And other things shared leaving me in my own bubbly daze

The last invitation
To the hero to show
and when he doesn't
we'll all just go

I sat back in the the saturated black
The magnitude of conversation with the deaf
The thick thicket soon to be illuminated
By a wicker man
Something sinister
But something at least, is better than nothing besides the breeze

To then fill with leaves the flames would raise
As children to set loose and torment in little cages
giving glances desperation and dipterous demands

5 inches longer than my hips
It drags beneath the floor
Stooped picking ends Up

If it was storage I lost
Then that is what I sorted
To be waiting for my return
And everyplace is an arrival

Some wheels still moved
On smooth grooves and grins
In varnished pavements
Whilst Waving in passing

Since these are the oil lengths
That will separate this way from that
And so will continue

As a thousands hues above the ground

Sleeping through steam and mist
Atop the Atlantic
Or beneath with
black transparencies during the existential technicolor discos

Of arranged meetings of faux upholstery
some that moved with the tunes too
Though most that stayed glued

With that oil that never seemed to dry
Yet managed to keep everyone there in place with no reasons why
And though closer to tar this was not one that flew in through our Olympic airways nor trains or cars

Oh cars
With melted chocolate on the plastic grips that stayed for years
On stretches of land for legs of chairs to soon expand

Some moments are so carefully placed in a room as furniture
Never to move
With or without the planned dance

And through the options here in the sky
Here I will decide
With open window entertainment
which destination and journey
I will ride

stagnate-
up the creek par se
every which way
I'd use alliteration
for this rash
but its not homogenous
instead in separate stashes-
painfully buoyant idle and robust;
ducks

Brain fried
like a thousand flies,
above the floating trash,
better identified-
the outskirts
of a vague form
than the innocuous worm
found in straw surrounded ponds
in wiggling room -more than enough;
stuck

come in short
into the common fort
to flaunt, gauge, and gauze
columned concerns-
the core and the cause
for which there was none

yet allowed slow a ripple
to echo, reverse and to dribble
to re-emerge the subtlety
of a moving hill

You were just a Barmaid
but I was just a Nothing
well worse anyway
but there are a few things that you taught me

besides the feeling of your stubby thumbs upon my face
how they would stick
and how I'd want them to stay
or your little lips
when I couldn't resist
and Id just give in

or the time you finally let me massage your back
I wanted to think it mattered
it certainly did to me
but I am such an *******
since I couldn't just say it
how Id love to massage your back for the rest of my days

and when sometimes things seemed to be so perfect
somehow I just couldn't accept it
Instead I get scared I say the exact thing
to push you away

I tried telling you
how I had this problem
how I was insecure but it wasn't so simple
and I was too caught up in my thoughts

but you helped me get out of them

and this is where you helped me mature
to grow and learn
and then amongst other things that you taught
there were some that you make clear
for me to observe
but then others that we both take a part of
e.g. falling in love

I wondered if I gave you any lessons
if I helped you learn
I wish I did
something that would make you want to come back

thinking of how you'd walk cross armed
with your bag
trapped in the corner of your shoulder
which had, something written on it
something like marrakech
something like that
and there was some funny font
and an elephant
or so I remembered

and so I longed

things were different for us
from your family that showed you love
and my parents who were far from it
Its why I ended up as a poet
musician, and an artist

all these ways I need to express
how I feel since I am too impressed
with everything too often
and I find it hard to say what I mean
But thats not to say you might of found it easy
hopefully this isn't just me fooling myself
Thinking you might have feelings.


I have my normal response
to be rash and tell
you all about how I feel
But I realize now
I need to be rational
as you have to know
this time its real

I get scared of waiting
thinking you already
know what will be.
but you once told me anything is possible
and so you give me will
to wait patiently to not be so emotional
because I am very emotional

but I wait
anxiously
for how you feel
as I know that in the wake of this
you will have to give me the will

Are you stupid
do you get it?
there are rhymes here
and there and everywhere
anywhere- meanings besides what you read

christ give me meningitis
or some sickness to display
the esoteric **** that I say
as a ailment to amend
or **** me
- but nonetheless to do me away-

I don't mean to pry
but why do you read?
to learn to become someone else?
we'll make the best of it-
I transgress the evident tip;

please refrain from adapting to the ego of a million towers
I see you wander
- all of you
with your collars-
while I sit on my *** and bite my callouses
and listen to mid-popular, music
and I feel taller
as I submit, again and again and again
since theres no limit, to my drivel
and the **** ill say and do
till you reject it
and even then I continue
when you sit there and read - as I do with myself in revision-
you- as I- come to a wall - or worse a hole
something to take away neither the pain nor the gain - but the attention
or compassion from my life and yours too
I struggle to have these metaphors and hidden meanings rammed down my throat;

to take it in - perhaps make sense- perhaps be happy again

to accept , move to whats next, not regret, gain a lesson, begin to clap and to win

and establish new intentions

But I struggle to have these metaphors and meanings hidden rammed down my throat;

- so instead I pollute, to avoid the swallow
and then what besides the hopeless chase, of my self that I lose
that you and I become- nothing- reduced- to simply follow

The Havens
Haven't
had enough
music

Since two shoes
changed to clogs
on the grassy tops
of sweden

Hiding
from handwork
and labour
in the woods

with the nymphs
empowered lymphs
and hyphens

small vibrations
on my chest
is all it takes
to give and give away

and now I feel bad
that thats what you had
to go through
and I was too busy thinking of you

but not flavorsome you
that might have had regret
but the imperial you
the one I wanted
to colonize
and make mine

and now I feel selfish
living in the welfare of my metaphorical arms
expanse wealth to cover expenses of my nimble interests

I just wanted to share with you something
a poem
something I wrote
in the hopes you'd notice
some more fragile side to me
one with compassion- and we would probably call it
desperate or helpless at best.

That I could have a broad heart -
though that's not what we want
we want one that's sharp
that will pinch at us
and never give up
that will be ours
exchanging into mine
to me it will belong
for a decent cause
for all the pattern was
a stranger sense of fading love.

Instead
Id speak to you best with
words
that were always indirect
since
if things must be ambiguous Id rather
it be with you and with me it left.

Fit for paper pen and pencil maker
later's marker and before's sharpener
both seem too dark, but have returned
to grade the present and give it gifts and misfortune
in that order

typewriter shoelace alarm shaker
always tingles, soon right after
and awakens to spin and turn
over open fire to timidly book burn.

oh you brick laying arbitrator
I am pleased for your concern
and then there are sometimes no more words
that enable an unsure future to grow and learn.

"No, No Charge"
I said at the bar
in a foreign language

-as he handed me the coconut-

Butting heads
Throwing checks- and chips
across the felt table

the burn
as the shots go down
dont hurt- I turn and say

"Me no parle anglaise"

and she grabbed my hand
in the caffeinated stance
I assumed the trance
and joined the adjacent positions
The bridge
of her nose
disappeared and I continued to ignore the impulsive thoughts I had

So I read up on the positive qualities of coffee
and thought about meaningless ***
contemplated prostitutes- the idea of course-, and laughed in cautious blues  
I thought of one night stands- the ones she would want to have-
and how little they meant
and how insignificant liberty is really
like the empty bottom of a 12 inch tom

But the pounding
and drumming
are coming from my head. no where else
for a man - who wanders in another place- and expects
to know where he's headed.

So I impulse
bought some headphones
That all
It ever is
A pair of Bose
Not saying I didn't do some research
Oh I did plenty of window shopping of specs and all that
So I bought
Them off
eBay
and they told
Me
"It's yours"
In an email

But I know that
The world is mine
As long as I pay

You prefer it, Permanent
in felt tip ink
as I place the sharpener
I brought,
down with a clink

In this window frame
everything looks the same
hair cuts, boots, phones
feign before my eyes
as I faint

So I sit while I watch
the rest fade
and the reflection comes back in

I wish to repeat
as Always
to attain
the same Feelings

I have short stack
-not good for placing bets-
the feeling of trapped
comes back and back again

so instead of working hard

I sat on the lap of santa
but with a protruding silhouette of death
not so much asked as
demanded better hands