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Apr 2020 · 42
Venus
Angie Apr 2020
Ancients knew the planet Venus as the morning star.
I think about how for years people have been waiting through the night for the morning, and that this star or a planet was the hope signal that morning is coming, light is coming, a new chance has almost arrived.
Nov 2018 · 143
When the music stops
Angie Nov 2018
Prompted by a video in my Youtube recommendations, I contemplate moments when I've felt the most alive.

I stop to think about everything I've ever done; to begin to think such a thought is overwhelming. Both harrowing and serene, which is to say I'm left having gotten absolutely nowhere.
If anything, I'm left feeling hollow, because it's all in the past.
All of those moments are gone and all I have is a mere memory of them; sometimes a picture, sometimes a receipt or plane ticket, sometimes a dried-up baby wipe and map of the night sky, sometimes a line in a song, a line in a poem, a line on my skin.
I'm just looking for an answer that satisfies me.

I begin to realize that all of the contending moments my mind is sorting through have a common theme.
Literally. During all of my "most alive" moments I was listening to music.
A single song repeating repeating repeating repeating, or a playlist for studying, for driving, for emptying my lungs into, for feeling alone, for feeling, for 4 o'clock in the morning, for people, for taking me away.
Staring at the stars in a wide un-light-polluted sky,
Doing homework late into the night, early into the morning,
Watching the sunset from my seat in the grass, or sunrise from the window my bed sits under,
Driving down a tree-lined highway at night, a mountain-view highway in the light,
Sitting next to someone I care about.
To live is to learn.
Learning how to appreciate the times when the Earth is gracious to me.
Learning how to love firsts and lasts and in-betweens.
Learning how to exist in a moment.
Teaching patience.
Teaching time to stand still.
Teaching time.
Teaching stand.
Teaching still.
Tranquilize me in time, tranquilize time, let me feel alive a little bit longer.
I feel most alive in moments when the music is playing because it teaches me how to keep living when the music stops.
Nov 2018 · 107
3am again
Angie Nov 2018
I once saw a YouTube music playlist titled "its 3am and i still miss you." And my loud brain pauses to talk to my quiet brain about this. Judging it. As if time is supposed to erase longing, as if a cold, dark, quiet hour is supposed to help you forget. And yet, this playlist, these songs, this slow and jazzy and chillhop mix is the realization that the opposite is true. The hours between midnight and light are thinking hours, the slow and jazzy stuff always reminds you of the past, and the phrase 'time heals all' means something different to every single person.

— The End —