Life chased him, he ran.
It tackled him, he fought.
It teased him, he burned.
It punched him, he blocked.
It retreated, he followed it.
Until, he embraced it.
And then, life was okay.

She said she liked uniting black and white.
To wash the black with the purity of white,
And to swipe the white with black, and make it invincible.
Once and for all.
I told her she was prejudiced.
That white wasn't pure, and black wasn't evil.
That they were colours that,
When united, make grey.

~Moniba.

Every time she sins
Her heart roars in protest
Every time she sins
It dies a little
Every time she sins
It bleeds a little
Every time she sins
She muffles its voice
Every time she sins
She pushes it under
Every time she sins
Her heart cries
And every single time
She wipes its tears
And persists.

Writing an essay last night,
I broke a sentence in the middle,
To draw a margin on the next page.
The margin on the paper,
Seemed to make a margin in my mind,
In my train of thought as well.
And when I continued the essay,
I started somewhere else.

Sometimes...
Normality is out of order.
Insanity seems to be needed.
At those times...
It seems better to let go
Of normality, and give in
To insanity.
But at later times...
Normality seems to have had been better
Than mastering insanity.
Because at aforementioned times...
Normality could have made the experience
Pleasurable, whereas insanity
Just made it temporarily enjoyable.
And then ruined the memory.
So at present time...
I favour normality.

I stop to think a while
And then I realize…
Running away never helps
We humans, we
Like to complicate everything
If something disturbs me
I should just admit it
And deal with it
Accordingly

So I went back to sleep
I dreamt again
I dreamt of the past, the present, and future
I dreamt of monsters, dead and alive
I dreamt of birds, and kites and hives
I dreamt of people
Ones I knew and know
And even those I have yet to meet

I dreamt of dreams and reality
I dreamt, and dreamt
Peacefully
I knew now that
It was okay to dream
It was okay to feel
It was okay to want
It was okay to be

I learned to stop
Stop being so harsh
On my own self
I learned to accept
Finally
My own reality
And that it was okay to just be
The way I am…

“My Self argues with me, that it can not live with Me, unless I change my Self.”*

I drift in dreams…
I feel myself
I relax
I’m in my world now
There’s no one to judge
There’s no one to look
There’s no one
To disrupt my peace
To **** my dreams
Inside of a dream

I drift in dreams
I relax
There’s no one here
It’s just me
But then I think
It’s harder to deal with
Myself
Than it is
To deal with
Everyone else

I judge myself
Harsher than anybody else
I criticize myself
In harder ways than anybody else
I rebuke myself
The way nobody ever can
I depress myself
As no-one ever has
I cause myself
To break apart….!!

So I force myself
To wake up
And then sentence myself
To nights as restless
As realities in dreams
I shy away
From dreams as well
As I shy away
From reality

She could foresee
That which she didn't want to.
So she hid from it.
But it happened anyway...

His face went blank.
The internal world raged on.
There was war, he was torn.
Streams of emotion.
Nothing visible.
His face was blank.

Trying to write
                        without words.
Trying to speak
                        without voice.
Trying to draw
                        without lines.
Trying to listen
                        without sound.
Trying to see
                        without light.
Trying to feel
                        without emotion.
Trying to be
                        without being.

*Can you do the essential without the essential?

I have betrayed your trust.
You know.
Yet you say nothing.
The silence in your eyes says it all.
They’re always so animate.
Not today.
They’re blank, shielded, silent.
Do you remember, I told you…
That I hate silence?
It leaves so much unspoken.
It leaves such heavy dents.
Even though…
It weighs nothing.
But its nothingness weighs a lot.
It cuts. It strikes. It burns.
It is cold. Icy.

Remember the years we spent so close?
That was comfortable.
Our silences were warm.
They spoke.
They left nothing unsaid.
They were light. And liquid.
I loved them. They were cosy.
They exuded sincerity.
Animate silences. Expressive silences.

But I've betrayed your trust.
And this silence hangs between us.
It is cold, and it slaps me in the face.
It seeps into my veins.
It reminds me of what I did.
It rebukes me.
It lets me punish myself.
It speaks. Of betrayal. Of lies, of secrecy.
Of things left unsaid.
Of broken promises.
Our shattered trust.
Of blackened tar and burnt coal.
Of stained hands and glassy eyes.
Of smeared dirt and crushed diamonds.
Of torn clothes and broken needles.

It speaks. It is silent.
It speaks. It is trust.
It speaks. It is betrayal.
It speaks. It is sin.
It speaks. It is black.

Your eyes are silent.

The young girl stood staring
A stare void of hope and life.
She wore an unwavering expression
Of boredom, and premature wisdom.
She looked on, through people and through walls
As if her destination was far beyond.
She stood lightly on her feet
Willing and waiting, for the wild wind's companion.
Tentatively, she raised a hand
Expensive reminders of fate, decorating her wrists.
Her palms opened, collecting moments of escape
Sweet escape of moments, from bitter surrender.
Her feet awoke, moving toward fate
To home, where the heart never was.
The girl stared no more with a stare void of life
Her expression, a facade; her destination, so near.
Her will not for the wind, her palm not for escape
She walked on forward, to home, to fate.
Another day will pass, and the ones after that
Her life will persist, reminders will remain.
The wind will come and go, her fate will make her stay.
For here she must be, and here she must live.

Whoosh goes the sound of wind
Pitter patter for the rain
Chitter chatter go the words
And blank goes silence.

Crack goes the gun, boom goes the bomb
Chaos of war and mayhem for lives
But there, two doves chirping concord
The sound of peace - after war.

The bubbly sound of bliss
The silent trip of tears
The wailing noise of mental war
The depressing silence of misery.

Look how they complement each other
The light balances the dark
The dark gives way to light
Same goes for everything.

They’re companions, they hold hands
With one comes the other
With the other comes the one
And life happens when they embrace.

That dent upon your brow
And frown upon your lips
That nervous twitch of your fingers
And the habit of angry pacing

I wish it were of use.

That genuine smile of purity
Those eyes when wide with intensity
The glisten of your tears
And your everlasting hope

I wish it weren't in vain.

Your random endless talents
That silver tongue, the play of words
Your mind so quick, and thoughts so clear
That golden pen, and the wand of vision

I wish… You knew to use them.
Not for you, not for them.
Just for Him, and then for all.

When colours collect dust
And words are concealed
When beauty is shaded
And the clouds are heavy grey

When a path leading to gardens
Becomes one going to graves
And when flowers turned to gold
Are crushed underneath feet

When diamonds cut to perfection
Join the coal once more
And the gold and the jewels
Are met by graves on hills

The world becomes sinister
People deprived of passion
All words and colours twisted
Into an attractive storm…

She said she'd tell me someday
The secret of her life
Her imperfectly perfect life.

Then one day, I found her dying
She said, here you go
This is it, the secret of my life.

Whatever happens, we die
It's a secret so obvious
Yet one to which we're so oblivious.

It's a drop, of all the seas
And the vastness behind it
Is death, the ultimate truth.

I know
What you want me to know
And I know
Nothing more than that

But I see
What I want to see
And I dwell
On a lot more than that

I hear
What you want me to
And I hear
That other part too

I think
What you want me to think
And I ponder
Upon a lot more than that

I believe
What I think is right
But I know
It is more than that

He feels the clouds envelop him
As he sails across the sky
He rows his boat into the new world
And waves this world goodbye
His best clothes on and new hat up
He lets out a triumphant cry
He gazes at the distant world
And then at the mackerel sky
He's up, he won, he defeated the world
All he had to do was try

Cloaked in heavy shrouds
Covered in clingy doubts
Enveloped in dark grey clouds
Among those dizzy routes
Is the truth

Protected with locks of lies
Hidden from common view
The answer to all the whys
Cure for diseases too
Is the truth

A realists real reality
A distressed soul’s gateway to sanity
A confidantes vow to secrecy
The key to life of eternity
Is the truth

She stood in the rain
It poured down on her
She felt its weight
Letting go of her own
She closed her eyes
And looked inside
The rain outside
Had turned her tears
Into sheer relief
And gone were her fears
For now she felt
Heavy no more
Her mind was clear
Her body not sore
Her heart was calm
Her breath so sure
At last she felt
Free of the world
Free of its ties
Free of its wrath
And at last she felt
The void no more
She felt her soul
She felt no more...

At night they make their way
Into the recesses of my mind
Chiding me, shaming me, rewarding me.

These thoughts, they do not rest
Finding ways of crawling back
Taunting me, reminding me, hurting me.

They form a never-ending chain
Unbroken by new beginnings
Haunting me, and bringing me
Back to Reality!…

Hey little girl…
Listen to me,
A mere belief, is all you need.

Hey little girl…
Do not despair,
For Allah is watching, and He is fair.

Hey little girl…
Be brave in this world,
For this is brief, and unreal.

Hey little girl…
Listen to me,
A mere belief, is all you need.

Let yourself believe,
And put forth your trust,
Give it what you can…
And then you’ll move mountains.

I made you strong, you made me weak.
Isn't it love, that we seek?..

We did what we had to, not what we wanted.
And now the memories, they keep us haunted.

Shackled with the thoughts, I can not be merry.
It's hard to laugh and play, i'm always dreary...

We both smile a lot now, we've had to learn to fake it.
So now the plan we have, is to fake it till we make it.

If I start now,
It'll take me a few centuries,
To get to my world in the skies...

My world in the skies,
Where I can soar above all,
And where spring never ends...

It's all good there,
It's all pure and right,
It's my world in the skies...

My utopia, my bliss, my azure,
It's my world in the skies,
Far away, a place to escape...

When life seems harsh,
I have my world,
My world in the skies...

To hide in, to take refuge in,
It's my utopia, safe from all,
Where winters are rare...

My world in the sky...

Years come, years go
What matters is not the number,
Rather the loss of time.
The loss of opportunities,
The loss of moments...

Years come, years go
What matters is not what happened,
Rather what it hurt.
The loss of connections,
The loss of friends...

Years come, years go
What matters is not what broke,
Rather what was fixed.
The loss of wholeness,
The loss or trust...

Dull leaves, wilted flowers..
Dry grass, bent trees..
***** baskets, unkempt shrubs..
Caked shovels, arid soil..

She’s gone, she died.
There’s no one to care..
The flowers miss her,
The winds call to her..

The skies are sad,
The ocean weeps..
She’s gone they say,
She’s lost to the world.

As I took my last breath
I wondered what they’d say
If they knew
I was going away
Never coming back
Going away…

If you find me gone one day..
Do not cry and do not shout,
Just pray for me and carry on…..

If you find me gone one day..
Do not be sad, do not look for me,
Just let me be and carry on…

Coming in and going out..
This is the fixed cycle of life,
We come, we grow, we hope, we go…

So if you find me gone one day..
Do not worry, do not mourn,
For I have lived, and you must carry on…

Blurring the world from my sight,
They find their way down…
Snatching away all the logic,
They fall onto the ground…
Heavy upon my heart,
They weigh nothing to those around…
Fueling my burning emotions,
They let all reason drown…
Depriving me of all my strength,
They continue to flow unbound…
Awakening the suppressed sobs,
They make my head pound…
Making the world seem distant,
They fall-my tears, without a sound…

The world is full, the world is full, the world is full of What if’s.
What if we die? What if we cry? What if we live?
Will they be blithe? Will they be sad?
The world is full, the world is full, the world is full of what if’s!
What if we fail? What if we pass?
What if we don’t? What if we do?
The world is full, the world is full, the world is full of what if’s!
The truth be told, the world is full.
The world is full, of wishes and stitches,
Of expectations and explanations,
The world is full of What if’s!..

There in the state of solitude
She sat, her head bowed down
Looking for the vital signs of life
The soft light of dusk, caressed her cheeks

What misfortune had come to her
She knew, and only God knew
She prayed to God, dusk prayed with her
And then twilight fell upon

She lifted her head and gazed up to the sky
Then felt her worries dissolve up high
Her disquietude just vanished
Solutions came to her

Allah helped her through
She thanked Him for that
And twilight thanked Him with her
She needed this now

Those moments of solitude
Engraved upon her heart
She’ll never forget them
‘cause there, she found God!…
~Moniba.

They told me they were coming,
I got excited, became happy.

I turned on the stoves.
And put out the good plates.

Then waited and waited,
And waited and waited…

I turned off the stoves,
And set in the plates.

But hope lingered, and
I kept waiting…

They did show up,
But it was too late,
And I had slept.

So they went back,
To come back again…

After making me wait,
So much, so long…