she told him, with a cigarette hanging
at the edge of her mouth, to stay away
not for his sake; she was selfish, she told him to
stay away for her
because she knew that it was better to not feel at all
but he didn't listen
he never ******* listened
and that was the problem
he didn't listen when she told him that it was too late,
he didn't listen when they told him that she
was already destined to live a life not well spent,
he didn't listen because he didn't care
he should've
he knew all too well that she was a nightmare,
a freak, a lost cause, but he didn't care
because she was also the girl who taught him
how to drink (even though he never got drunk)
she was the girl who taught him how
to relax (even though he was a stressful freak)
and she was the girl who taught him how to live
and one day, the fact that she was a horrible,
bitter mess escaped his mind
in a way it was all his fault;
she told him to never forget who she was,
but he did
he forgot that she was a life-ruiner, she ruined
people's lives

she told him, with a cigarette dangling
from the edge of her mouth, the puffs of smoke making him
dizzy, to stay away
but he never ******* listened

and that is the story of the boy who lives on the corner
of the street, he smokes a pack a day and sings shallow songs
still reminiscing in the memory of the girl
who ruined his life

the lines on the paper i'm writing on are becoming
so blurred
and i don't exactly remember what this
was even about in the
first place
all i know is that i had woken up at
3 a.m. and i tried to sleep but i couldn't because
you voice was clear as day inside my head and
it was driving me insane and now
here i am
writing about my sorrows
with green day on the radio and
that was your favorite band and oh ****,
now i'm thinking about you again
this always happens
god, what happened to me?
i used to be happy believe it or not
but now i'm pathetic,
now i stay up in my bedroom listening to old records
and crying all because of you
and even though i can't exactly blame you
i will say this:
you crashed through my like a tornado would
into a city; you give me the world and then turned me
upside down whilst i was still dangling
you were one of those hurricanes every one is afraid of
and yet somehow in awe of;
you felt me in the eye of a hurricane
and i am still drowning

"we are nothing but dust and shadows"
the drunk man said as he stumbled along
the streets with the burning sun scorching his skin
they all though he was insane
they thought he was certifiably crazy
and maybe he was
but he was also smart
he knew seven languages
and he had enough money
from the days when he actually worked to survive
he had a family, who loved him
but even that didn't stop him from
collapsing on the street and
dying because even though he knew
seven languages; none of them could speak to the dead
and he had money, yes, but only enough
to help him drown out his sorrows
with alcohol
and his family,
who lived him *so **** much
were the ones who had stolen most
of his money,
the ones who only dropped by when
they wanted more
they were the ones who had spat on his
grave and had said "good riddance"
in fact, they let him die in the streets,
his last words being
"we are nothing but dust and shadow"
as he closed his eyes, happy to be free of
such a miserable life

she cried, she cried because she would never be
good enough for someone else, she cried because
her mother didn't love her and neither did her father,
he loved beer and her brother more than he did her
she cried because she was so entirely alone in this world
and she had a dream once and now it was what
felt like light years away and god she wanted to end it--
she wanted to end the suffering then and there and
she could do it so easily, just one step off her balcony
she knew she was being young and dumb and naive
but in that moment she didn't care, she didn't care
because the future was what felt like light years away
and she wanted to end it all now,
and so she did

there was a storm today, it was full of thunder
and lightning, it reminded me of the way you smoked
cigarettes because even though i shook every time
the lightning struck, i couldn't look away
//
i think i'm supposed to reminisce about
you being gone, i'm supposed to cry and shake
and lose my will for living because you were my
miracle, the one good thing in my life that was
supposed to make me special and now you
are gone but instead i just stare at the
windows covered with rain and wonder if the
sky is crying because the earth orbits the moon
and not the other way around, maybe the earth
is sobbing because it knows that it
is no longer special for it was reminded today that
it is only another planet in orbit
//
it was pouring rain today, it reminded me
of you, hopefully wherever you are it is raining
and you can imagine the earth shaking and the
clouds sobbing so that you can see what you've done
to me and shake your head and try to come up with
another excuse
(h.l.)

do you know that sinking feeling
and that aching in your chest
when you see him holding hands with her?
well, that's exactly how he feels
every time he sees you chase after him
he loves you, you love someone else, and
i love a boy who does not want to be loved
by me
so don't you dare tell him to move on and find better
don't you dare break his heart
and dismiss his love so easily
when you can't even give up on
the same love
you so easily make fun of

i really hate you i do i know i do because
every time i hear your name my blood boils and
there is a scream begging to be released stuck in
my throat and ******* if you look at me one last time
i'm not sure what i'll do because no,
you do not have the right to play with my emotions
you do not have the right to tell me you love me and
then leave you do not have the right
to

make

me

fall

in

love

with

you
no, no, no

you do not have the right to only talk to me when you
feel like it or when you feel insecure because honey, i can
love you in all those times, but you do not have the right to
tell me that you love me too

especially if you don't

The thing with poetry is when I start
I can’t stop
It’s as if everything I've tried so hard to keep in
Comes tumbling out
And sometimes I admit to things that
I didn't want to
And most times I can’t deny the truth
because it’s written onto paper
With every line comes my undoing
And little by little
I can feel myself breaking away from the ties
That I am bound by--
slowly I am becoming my own person
The thing with poetry is when I start
I don’t want to stop.
(h.l)

This is how to make your child feel worthless.
This is how to make them regret being born.
This is how to teach them a lesson. Doesn't it hurt? This is discipline.
This is how to control your child.
This is how to deal with a drunken man.
This is how to feel like hell and still hold your head up.
This is how to act okay.
This is how to heal a broken heart, remember save whisky for last.
This is how to hide the scars he gives you.
This is how to cook.
This is how to clean.
This is how you pray. To who? Don’t ask.
This is how to love a man even if he hurts you.
This is how to live.
This is how to endure the pain.
This is how to be beautiful. That looks painful. Tough luck, pretty hurts.
This is how to put on makeup.
This is how to make a man weak.
This is how to lie.
This is how to live a broken life.
This is how to survive.
This is life.
(h.l.)

and I want to take it all back--
every laugh, every whisper, every blissful moment,
I want it to be gone like every shred of innocence I ever had that
you had stolen
I want to pretend that you are just another nightmare
and that I have awoken
I want to feel again
to be alive
to be whole
I want to be the girl with the sun kissed, scar free skin
I want to be the person that I used to be before I met you
and it all burned to ashes
I don't want to be another abandoned building that was taken out of order
and I don't want to join the list of victims you had made
I don't want to be yours anymore

I want to take it all back.

I like to run
Not because it helps me think
Or it helps me calm down
Walking
Gives me too much time to think
About all the ways the world is ******* up
When I run
All I think about is
How the flowers seem alive and the cracks on the sidewalk are
Actually beautiful
I like to run
Because when I run
The world that is drowning seems to have finally taken a
Breath
And I’d like to be apart of a world that breathes every once in a while
So one day
I’m going to run.
(h.l.)