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rage coursing through your veins
your voice laced with anger
belligerent and frantic you were
confusion rattled in my brain
as I couldn't figure out your reaction

then you showed me
and panic stabbed me in the heart
your arms were bare except for
the two thin red lines

those cuts took me back to a place
I fled from
flashbacks filled my mind
bubbling up until I was
on the verge of tears

my brain replayed the memories of
warm blood dripping down my arms
painfully unsticking my clothes from my skin
hiding my cold blades

terrror and anger
despair and anxiety
depression and hopelessness

I can't go back there
I just can't
but please let me help you
help you out of the cage
the cage called self harm
my roommate started to self harm again, I'm worried about them, but I'm getting flashbacks from what they did, i care about them and dont want to see them hurt
there was a little voice in my head
that grew and grew and grew
until the deafening roar blocked out everything else
it screamed to stay in my dorm
don't talk to anybody
no one will like you
so don't try
for a while I listened to the voice
I stayed inside
and I barely engaged in social situations
but I got tired of the deafening roar
it was holding me back
and I'm having none of that
I study in the library
I go to events
I talk to my peers
and I participate in class
that deafening roar slowly but surely
quieted down
I can still hear its faint voice
but no longer will I be held back
due to my anxieties
I want friends
and I want to be social
so friends I will have
and social I will be
deafening: (of a noise) so loud as to make it impossible to hear anything else
loneliness settles in my bones
burrowing deep into cracks and crevices
slicing deep
as I stare into the abyss
my heart weeps from the pain
the ringing in my ears drives me crazy
let me feel whole for once
not shattered like a mirror in a fight
let me be free from the shackles
the shackles on lonesomeness
I'm a prisoner in my own mind
I wish I was gregarious
so open and social
I wish I could go up to someone
and talk to them
without the little voice in my head screaming
"they're judging you
they hate you
they think you're a freak"
once that little voice speaks
I hide in my shell
and sociality ceases before it even started
I wish I was gregarious
and had friends here
my soul aches for companionship
instead of holed up in my room
scared of what others think of me
I want to be social
I want to be outgoing
but I'm my biggest obstacle  
I need to try and try and try
otherwise I'll die alone
wondering where I went wrong
maybe being gregarious isn't natural
maybe it's something learned
and perfected
until walking up to someone to say hi
isn't an incapable task
gregarious: (of a person) fond of company; sociable
where has my youth gone? I scream in despair
my knees creak and groan
my back cracks and aches
I can't focus on anything
and I'm no longer the gifted child
where has my youth gone? I scream in despair
I used to have heaps of energy
now I struggle to walk up a flight of stairs
I used to stay up into the early morning hours
and go to school awake and afresh
now if I go to bed at 10pm
I wake up like I pulled an all-nighter
where has my youth gone? I scream in despair
it was here just a minute ago
but now it has vanished
the sickness has claimed me
the plague has overtaken my body
aches and pains
raw and runny nose
bedridden and exhausted
this night may be my last
I'm so dramatic lol, I just have a cold
I wish I could be lithe
agile and graceful
limber and sure-footed
not a single trip or tumble
but instead I'm clumsy
awkward and uncoordinated
with butter fingers
and two left feet
I trip and tumble
drop things and fumble
I wish I could be lithe
but instead the universe
made me clumsy
lithe: (of a person or their body) slim, supple, and graceful
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