your silence is agonizing.
i got so used to never hearing from you,
only for it to change in a second.

now you’re gone again.
leaving me right when you had roped me back in.

i wish you’d let me love you,
for old times sake.

would you feel sick if i called you?
would your stomach knot up, turning into twists and turns?

would you tell me to not do that again?
to leave you alone and let you call me when you’re available?

what would you do?
i miss your voice.

I bought the legos you promised you’d build with me years ago.
Laying in the dark of your room, we promised it would be our first big set.
Built together.

I will leave the last piece off, incase you ever wish to fulfill that promise.

you said you missed me,
that you still loved me and thought about me every day.

you said i was beautiful,
and that you missed the way my eyes lit up.

you said you’d get an apartment,
and have me over every night.

why’d you say these beautiful things,
if all these things
were just lies?

i’ve wished upon stars.
blew out dandelions.
picked four leaf clovers.

none of these methods have seemed to work

so i’ll pray.
i’ll plead.
i’ll cry and i’ll yell.
to a god that i haven’t believed in since i was 9 years old.

all for you to come home.

i hate this feeling.

the hole in my chest, pulsating and throbbing at the thought of you.
a broken promise, something reformed and remade every time we speak.

unrequited love. i know what this is.
i hate it more than i can physically describe.
i hate that you’ve done this to me again.

The stage lights have come on.
The act is about to start.
So my voice will ring throughout, playing my part.

The doting friend.
Nothing more, nothing less.
The past lover that has moved on,
wishing you all the best.

I’m an incredible actor, so I’ve been told.
My voice will not break, nor will I.
But back behind stage there’s tears in my eyes.

I do not want to move on,
although I am forced.
Your smile infects my mind,
and throws me off my course.

I’m a wonderful actor, and so the show will run.
But this is your doing,
leaving me out in the unbearable heat of the sun.