Why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
Am I always to be the bad one,
The one who is never the victim?
Can't anybody see?
See what I went through?
Is there nobody who listens
Or nobody who cares?

Have you ever experienced the chance of a new, clean slate?
The slate of life is often
Dinged......Scratched.......Pitted.
With what?
With mistakes, yes.
With trials, yes.
With things beyond our control? YES, YES, Hell to the YES.
So here's to new life--a new slate.
That wondrous, captivating, and uncharted slate to a new life.
Go. Discover. Fall in love with that chance.

I sit here wondering
Am I making the right decision?
Can I know?
Until I take the leap can I ever really know?
It won't be easy,
I never said it would.
It will make enemies and will tax my friends,
But I gotta go.
I gotta take my leap to
FREEDOM.

I've gotta live a life.

Chills are running down my back,
Eyes are flitting everywhere;
Breath is shallow as I run,
I'm not afraid,
Nor am I done.

Feet are pounding solid earth,
Arms are pumping through the air;
Jaw is clenched as if in pain,
I've made the end,
Now I am done.

I had a dream tonight
About my brothers
Again.
But this time, it was happy.
Tommy was talking to me as usual,
But we were smiling.
We were walking in a field,
Full of that tall wavy grass
And we were barefoot.
It was so vivid....I was wearing a white halter top dress,
Hair undone, curls blowing in the wind.
Tommy was right beside me,
In jeans and a white tee.
He was looking at me
And I him.
We were walking toward Sammy,
He was climbing a tree.
We talked about everything, anything.
It felt like home,
I wanted it to be home.
Safe, warm, full of love.
With my brothers.
Truly home.

Nobody knows I am dying.
No, not physically
Just inside.
Part of me wants people to know.
The rest vehemently disagrees.
I was asked if I was
Depressed.
I said
No!
But now...I wonder.......if maybe......I am.
I've kept my problems to myself.
That my parents don't love each other,
That my mom calls me stupid, dumb, an idiot.
That my parents thought there was something wrong
with ME,
when it was really them.
They took me to a shrink.
I didn't talk.
The shrink started "shrinking" them.
They stopped going there.............fast.
My parents yell at each other,
There is no love.
There is no food in our house, just
Katsup
Onions
Pickles
I have to buy my own food.
My brother stays away from this house as much as he can.
We both agree,
This is not a family.